To have bathed my niece?

[Glass113]

I babysit my toddler niece regularly as I don't work Fridays and have a daughter around the same age so they play together and generally have a nice time. Niece has never stayed over as SIL doesn't like being away from her overnight.

Yesterday I had my niece and SIL was working later than normal so picked her up about 6:30.

We baked and decorated cakes in the afternoon and naturally both kids had flour, icing and whatever else all over them and in their hair etc so I put them both in the bath and washed their hair. I popped my niece in a pair of my daughters pj's.

When dear SIL arrived I explained they'd got a bit messy so I'd bathed and changed her. She didn't say much and left quite quickly.

I've had a text this morning saying she doesn't want me to babysit again for a while as I've crossed a boundary bathing her child and she would never dream of bathing a child that wasn't hers.

I am mortified and devastated to be honest. Did I really do such a terrible thing?

I’d have done exactly the same, you’ve done nowt wrong.

That is so weird. What an ungrateful SIL you have!

You don’t think an adult describing that process as “ too graphic and a bit creepy” is juvenile? Or ignorant?
it’s the sort of thing I’d expect at best a teenager to come out with. If that.

each to their own though!

I wouldn't even reply to that. I wonder what her worry is. Is it possibly a safety issue; she's scared of drowning?! I can't understand the logic if you're doing nappy changes you see.
There's nothing you can say or do here. SIL obviously thinks you're a pushover to speak to you like that. As sad as it is for the little ones, all you can do here is back away and go silent. You've done nothing wrong at all.

She's batshit.

If you trust someone to change nappies, that person should be trusted to give baths as well.

If she thinks you're an abuser, she shouldn't allow you to look after her daughter at all, irregardless if you give baths or not.

If she had had a poop accident what did she imagine you were going to do ??? and you change her nappy day to day. The mind boggles. Send her a message and tell her you think she is over reacting and you are insulted that she is implying something untoward may have taken place and if she felt you were in anyway dangerous then she is the one at fault leaving her child in your charge in the first place.... and.... you are entitled to an apology for such an insulting accusation.

Yeah, it is a really horrible post. It should be removed.

Very strange reaction, it has always been VERY much appreciated when I bath niece or nephew because it’s one less job for mum (sister) don’t overthink it this is a her problem not you xxx

I don't think this is a horrible post.

It's true - when you have daughters you know this.

I have a son and 2 daughters and it's more complicated to clean a girl during a nappy change.

It's what you have to do though.

What bit of the factual post do you find 'horrible'?

Crazy. Why did she not say beforehand that you should not do this ? Also this is part of babysitting !😕

How on earth is it overstepping? Good grief

My bro sometimes hands mine over and says she needs a bath - he clearly couldn't be bothered to do it himself. This is mental. I have also bathed her when I haven't been asked to when she has got dirty etc. Your SIL has a problem.

Let her find another childminder - mad cow !

What is strange is that bathing necessitates way less attention than nappy changing. Is this post for real ? I would never ever take care of her kid again.

Very strange of your sister

Horrible? In what way? What on earth is the matter with you and the person that described this as creepy?

i am genuinely intrigued and frankly concerned as to why that description repulses you both as presumably functioning adults with children……..

I agree

as an aside you bagged one of the best usernames on here

Leaving poo in the babi's creases is surely worse, and a recipe for nappy rash and UTI's.

I think if the SIL is anxious about safety the bath may have alarmed her as a potential accident risk. When you change a nappy the child is on a stable surface and there isn’t much risk but when water is involved there is a potential for slipping even drowning if left unattended so potentially much higher risk if something went wrong / in the worst case scenario. I doubt she was suggesting anything more sinister as that wouldn’t make sense given the context. I would only want someone who I thought was super safety conscious bathing my toddler, it’s possible that she thinks you are trusted with everything else but that this is taking things to a new level of risk which she is not ok with. However nothing went wrong so she could have just said nicely that she’d rather you didn’t do baths in the future if not essential.

People are suggesting that the op apologise for providing free childcare!
Mad.

So you have two options for the future:

1. When SIL asks you to babysit again, tell her you’re afraid of “overstepping your bounds” again and don’t feel comfortable babysitting your niece at this time.

2. When your SIL asks you to babysit again, text her over every little thing in the “spirit of not overstepping your bounds,” and ask her permission for about absolutely everything.

It’s feast or famine - her choice.

I work with children and I think what you did was really kind. If her child was with a minder they would bathe a baby in a toilet accident situation or a similar incident.

As she is your SIL I'm sure you'll need to have a conversation where you try and understand her side of it. You may both have to apologise but don't blame yourself, you can't have known this reaction would happen x

YANBU. Your message to her was spot on. What an ungrateful weirdo.