To have bathed my niece?

[Glass113]

I babysit my toddler niece regularly as I don't work Fridays and have a daughter around the same age so they play together and generally have a nice time. Niece has never stayed over as SIL doesn't like being away from her overnight.

Yesterday I had my niece and SIL was working later than normal so picked her up about 6:30.

We baked and decorated cakes in the afternoon and naturally both kids had flour, icing and whatever else all over them and in their hair etc so I put them both in the bath and washed their hair. I popped my niece in a pair of my daughters pj's.

When dear SIL arrived I explained they'd got a bit messy so I'd bathed and changed her. She didn't say much and left quite quickly.

I've had a text this morning saying she doesn't want me to babysit again for a while as I've crossed a boundary bathing her child and she would never dream of bathing a child that wasn't hers.

I am mortified and devastated to be honest. Did I really do such a terrible thing?

what a juvenile ignorant post.

I had two boys but have a vivid memory of my sister cooing "Who's got a shitty fanny?!" at my howling newborn niece prior to a laborious cleanup... 'a good splashing' was definitely not sufficient, on that occasion at least!

I cleaned her up a few times and poo really did get everywhere...

Of course a 'splashing' is not enough. The area needs to be thoroughly wiped and cleaned. Really odd that you don't know this.

Your response was perfect and this post is perfect.

Just don't ever agree to babysit again!

The great thing about children is that they don't disolve easily in water, so the "precious jewel" time of a bath can be had more than once in the same 24hr period if mother requires.

I dont think it is implying abuse at all. It's just about boundaries. People have different boundaries, which probably have been influenced by past experiences. This was one that SIL has, which she might not realise not everyone has. Like I said in another reply, if it's something she naturally wouldn't do, it might not occur to her that other people might do it.

On one occasion, my MIL was minding my 5-month-old for the evening. When we went to collect him, MIL mentions that he seemed like he was still hungry after his first bottle so she put some baby rice IN his next bottle. She did that because it was something that was fine to do when her children were babies. It had never occurred to me that I would need to tell her not to put rice in my baby's bottle. Understandably imo it made me a bit anxious after that because I didn't know what else we differed on. It had nothing to do with not trusting her.

To those that are precious about bathtime - you can surely still have this ‘precious jewel’ on the other 364 days of the year? It’s just a one-off because she was dirty after baking? Yes OP could have sent a text but if SIL was working could have been waiting ages for a response.

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong OP and your response was perfect. I wouldn’t be apologising and definitely wouldn’t be doing any more babysitting!

Absolutely SIL is. However she is an ungrateful so and so. OP is well within her rights to feel offended tbh 2 can be like that and I would tell her where to go if she ever expected me to babysit again. Bloody cheek!

I'd love it if someone watched my child for me!

?

Don't ever babysit for her again, as others have said, she sounds batshit crazy. Basically, accusing you of being untrustworthy around her daughter undressed...I'd cut her off completely, to be honest, she should be grateful.

She is a batshit, precious, immature twat. Me me me me me me. Imagine being her MIL!
Sod her OP. The only thing that's a shame is that your daughter will lose that cousin bond. But I would insist on it being her dad with her if she is to come to your house again.

Good advice

I’ve bathed my nieces and nephews on both sides of the family and it is something that is very normal. I am also delighted when family members do bath time for us too. I bet the kids loved being in the bath together and having a good play. I’d find nappy changes much more intimate than a bath so not sure why she trusts you to do one and not the other.

I am so sorry that she had made what is a wonderfully kind thing into something that you are now questioning!
She is crazy and you are wonderful xx

If she is allowing you to change nappies I fail to see the difference between that and a bath

That is so bizarre! How on earth is giving her a bath crossing the line but changing her nappies isn’t?!

Are you questioning me?

or the “adult” that described parting a baby female’s labia so as to wipe faecal matter from there and thus avoiding infection as “creepy”?

hoping it’s the latter 😉

Given the number of friends children I have bathed if I happen to be there at the right time, she is being very strange.

Oh yes sorry: it was the juvenile comment . What’s juvenile about it?

I also find this strange op, I am very risk adverse when it comes to ds being away from me and it took me a long time to feel comfortable having anyone babysit him, mainly because I work with safeguarding etc.

But the bottom line is, I wouldn't have someone babysit my child if i didn't trust them to act in the best interests of my child. Both in keeping them safe and acting respectfully towards them, and also cleaning and changing them as needed.

One thing I'm wondering is if your sil is struggling with the time away from her wee one and bath is a big part of bedtime? I finish work at 6, so by the time I get ds I have an hour with him to do dinner and bath and then he falls asleep immediately and I really appreciate having that time with him in the evening having missed him all day. Maybe she's having an overly emotional reaction based on something like that? Because I can't see her finding it inappropriate for you to bath a child who's nappy you are presumably changing.

I think if it were me, I'd have your dh have a word and try to get to the bottom of where she's reacted like this from. It sounds like a majorly knee jerk reaction. I guess you never know what's happened in her past that might cause her to react this way. It might be absolutely nothing to do with you or anything you've done.

You sound like a lovely caring aunt, I'd be massively grateful to have someone like you in my child's life. You've been doing her a huge favour, popping her in a quick bath if she's messy and you're her caregiver is no big deal so don't feel weird, you've done nothing wrong. Sounds like there's some backstory happening so TBH I would say no to anymore babysitting, even if she says she's changed her mind because you don't know how she'll react and I think it's best to tread carefully around her from now on.

How do you know it wasn't necessary? You (or OP's SIL) weren't there. Sometimes washing hands and face just isn't enough.

Some of the replies are really weird, aren’t they?

If bathtime is your special bonding time, just do it again when you get home. Going in the huff because you didn’t pick up a filthy toddler is just daft.

So she's happy for you to change her DCs nappies when she's getting lots of free childcare? But not to bathe her? Weird!

You done what any normal nice person would do. I’ve bathed all my nieces and nephews, in fact I would bath almost any young child that was in my care who got dirty/sticky. If it wasn’t family I would probably text the parent first but there is nothing weird or strange about bathing a child in your care who has became dirty.

What would your sister in law want you to do if the child vomited or have a toilet accident. She sounds like an oddball.