To have bathed my niece?

[Glass113]

I babysit my toddler niece regularly as I don't work Fridays and have a daughter around the same age so they play together and generally have a nice time. Niece has never stayed over as SIL doesn't like being away from her overnight.

Yesterday I had my niece and SIL was working later than normal so picked her up about 6:30.

We baked and decorated cakes in the afternoon and naturally both kids had flour, icing and whatever else all over them and in their hair etc so I put them both in the bath and washed their hair. I popped my niece in a pair of my daughters pj's.

When dear SIL arrived I explained they'd got a bit messy so I'd bathed and changed her. She didn't say much and left quite quickly.

I've had a text this morning saying she doesn't want me to babysit again for a while as I've crossed a boundary bathing her child and she would never dream of bathing a child that wasn't hers.

I am mortified and devastated to be honest. Did I really do such a terrible thing?

She sounds unhinged and ungrateful. My DS and DNephew are the same age and were frequently bathed together when DSis and I were sharing care of them, it was the most efficient way to get bathtime done. Your DSIL is being very weird indeed. I would not babysit for her again, it's a shame she's behaved in this way.

Wow! Your SiL is way over the top. Her child is 2! As you say, you change her nappy all the time, so what's the problem? Even if bathtime is special 'mummy time', you had a perfectly valid reason for putting her in the bath.

She's bitten off her nose to spite her face here, I think.

If I trust someone enough to look after my young children unsupervised then I would trust them enough to bath them if necessary. If I didn’t then they wouldn’t be looking after them full stop.

If both parents were at work & you have been trusted to regularly look after their child, including changing nappies, would you really ask first?

But she’s ok with her changing her nappy?

Personally, I’d apologise just to keep the waters smooth but I wouldn’t be doing her anymore favours. Let her find someone else.

So she trusts you to look after her child (unpaid?) for hours on end and change her nappy but not to give her a bath?

What a nut. Still, at least it's spared you from babysitting duties ever again, so I suppose every cloud does have a silver lining ...

Anyone who ever changed a filthy runny or explosive nappy will know a female body needs to be cleaned very intimately. This involves parting the labia and gently wiping all the folds of skin, this is about as intimate as care can get. And yet she is OK with this but not bathing??

Her message sounds like she’s doing you a Favour letting you babysit, and I would 100% not look after her again and weird that she would prefer you to leave her child with food in her hair than wash her!

But it’s ok for Aunt to change a nappy?

That is a weird attitude. The SIL either trusts the baby sitter or not. I would be telling SIL to look after her one child in the future at all times. She’s nuts!

If someone wrote me a text like that I would sadly never babysit her child again because I wouldn’t trust where her batshittery would take her next.

Nappy changes are necessary so SIL has no choice but to accept them. A bath wasn't really necessary - washing hands and face would have been enough

I would never babysit again as I wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing which random, mad boundaries I might cross next.

Sometimes when my DC were small they needed a bath after a bad nappy. Either she trusts you to care for them intimately or she doesn’t in which case it was inappropriate for her to have you babysit.

If I were her I’d have been glad you got my child clean after clearly spending time doing a lovely activity with them.

Clearly that is not the case for everyone. There are many people I trust to look after my children but wouldn't want them to bathe them. Not because I don't trust them, but simply because to me it is not necessary for them to bathe them and if they did I would see it as them not being on the same page as me with boundaries and expectations.

Although yanbu and have done absolutely nothing wrong. I'm guessing there is some history in your sil life you are not aware which has made her react this way

How can you notify someone of something you don't realise might happen? I'm sure if the SIL thought OP might bathe her child at some point she would have told her no. But it's not something she considered because it's probably not something she would ever do.

She's unhinged. Yanbu

Note I did to go the lengths of describing “necessary”.
as was the case in this specific context.
notwithstanding that , in any event though - and particularly given your own personal experience if I may refer to it - I find it curious that a two year old child being looked after by someone to the degree that their private parts are exposed and cleaned during nappy changes for example which is the case in this context is not an issue but bathing is. Also the implied notion that abuse - because let’s face it that is the elephant on the room in this thread - and overstepping boundaries are confined to removal of clothes and bathing when sadly they are not.

I definitely would never be babysitting her child again, that's for sure

I see bathtime as a precious jewel I get with my daughter, it's the longest I see her all day and she lives the bath so to me it's vital bonding

Have bathtime the following night and/or any other time you so wish. Some of these replies are just so extremely odd that they're actually freaking me out a bit.

I wouldn’t babysit any more even if she comes back and apologises.

I’d be withdrawing my childcare from now on.

Urgh, could you be any more graphic😳.
Parting the labia of a baby sounds bloody creepy to me.
I can honestly say I've never done this. Surely a good splashing is all that's required?

To be honest I've voted you weren't being unreasonable but I think I'd have asked just to be on the safe side.

No, a good splashing is not enough.

The area needs to be properly cleaned in order to avoid the infant getting a uti.

Crazy- I’d be so grateful esp 6.30 pm - your not a nursery