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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should she have waited to see I got home safe?

133 replies

JourneyHomee · 02/03/2024 11:03

I went out on a date last night, it went extremely well, and I got the last train home. There were lots of stops and issues and delays, and I only got home 3 hours after I left my date.

She asked me to let her know I got home safely. I texted to say I got home but received no response.

Finally got a reply in the morning, she said she was waiting but kept falling asleep but didn’t allow herself to sleep until she saw my message.

She responded this morning with a “like heart” on my message from last night.

I had travelled a long distance to see her, and paid for our date because I wanted to and was happy to do so.

Now I’m feeling a little bit off about it all. Am I being unreasonable to not take her seriously in future?

We are both women, by the way.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 02/03/2024 11:04

Did you check that she got home safely?

JJathome · 02/03/2024 11:04

You wanted her to wait up 3 hours. Are you ok?

Manintheorthopaedicshoes · 02/03/2024 11:05

YABU.

Picklestop · 02/03/2024 11:05

She fell asleep, it was a long wait.

MississippiAF · 02/03/2024 11:06

Was this your first date? Waiting up for someone to get home is for relationships, I’d say.

AgnesX · 02/03/2024 11:06

And your sex is relevant because?

SpringleDingle · 02/03/2024 11:07

YABU - you are a grown up and responsible for yourself. Give your head a wobble!

BobbyBiscuits · 02/03/2024 11:07

Seems OTT tbh from you OP. Could you not fathom that she may have been asleep? It took 3 hours to get home so probably bed time by then? She replied as soon as she woke up.
I don't see this as an issue at all. The travelling for 3 hours each way for this person does sound a bit annoying though. I hope next time they travel closer to you?

MermaidEyes · 02/03/2024 11:07

You can't take her seriously because the poor woman was tired and fell asleep?!

Saymyname28 · 02/03/2024 11:08

She fell asleep, presumable it was late, what was she expected to actually do had you not got home safely? Call the police "I went on a first date 3hrs ago, she hasn't texted me, I dont know her full name or her address."

DuploTrain · 02/03/2024 11:09

AgnesX · 02/03/2024 11:06

And your sex is relevant because?

Because a man is much more likely to get home safely… obviously.

PieAndLattes · 02/03/2024 11:09

Who is ‘she’ and why do you expect her to stay awake until the early hours of the morning just to check you’re ok? Surely you know that’s completely unreasonable.

Immemorialelms · 02/03/2024 11:09

So she replied this morning with two things- a like heart on the message from yesterday and another message saying "phew, I kept dropping off but at least I saw the message you sent then I allowed myself to sleep fully!"

How is that anything other than a perfectly nice and normal response to a date message? Unless there's more going on you are v hard work.

2907fe9166a247bb9f7 · 02/03/2024 11:10

Did you check she got home safe?

3 hours is heck of a long time to wait up for someone to say they got home. Can hardly blame her for falling asleep in the middle of the night

amylou8 · 02/03/2024 11:11

AgnesX · 02/03/2024 11:06

And your sex is relevant because?

Totally relevant in this scenario given women are usually more vulnerable.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/03/2024 11:12

This is a batshit bonkers expectation for a first date op.

Pigeonqueen · 02/03/2024 11:12

You sound like hard work.

3 hours is a long time to wait up for someone! She texted this morning. That’s enough…..!

Octavia64 · 02/03/2024 11:13

I have never done this for anyone in my life.

I can see that if you are worried about getting home safely you might want someone keeping an eye on you but surely that would be family or friends, not a first date.

My mum makes me text when I get home safely after driving back from hers.

I am 47, have 2 grown up children of my own and regularly travel and drive internationally.
I do text her but I feel she is very anxious and I do it to reassure her.

Comedycook · 02/03/2024 11:13

Yabu. You are an adult

Blahblah34 · 02/03/2024 11:13

But she did wait?

JJathome · 02/03/2024 11:15

Op are you always this needy and demanding? It’s not healthy behaving like this. Paying doesn’t entitle you to her staying up like a parent.

a normal reaction would be to not expect someone to stay up. Do you not have friends or family you can rely on? If you need this level of care then don’t date someone you have to travel to.

Devilshands · 02/03/2024 11:15

Blahblah34 · 02/03/2024 11:13

But she did wait?

This! She fell asleep after waiting. It’s hardly the. Time of the century.

TBH if you’re stewing on it 12+hrs later, OP, then set this one free. You’ll be doing her a favour.

AgnesX · 02/03/2024 11:15

amylou8 · 02/03/2024 11:11

Totally relevant in this scenario given women are usually more vulnerable.

Show quote history

I expect it to and from both sexes myself. Having thought about this one further I wouldn't expect anyone to wait up for my text either.

Pinkdelight3 · 02/03/2024 11:16

This is nuts. She was tired and went to sleep and is bending the truth to be nice. Did you expect her to stay up indefinitely or start calling around the hospitals? Honestly I think you're better to end it for her sake if you're this touchy.

SallyWD · 02/03/2024 11:17

Good lord, you expected her to wait up when she was clearly exhausted and falling asleep.
I'm nearly 50 and it has never occurred to me, in all my years of dating, that my date should stay awake until I got home!