Should she have waited to see I got home safe?

[JourneyHomee]

I went out on a date last night, it went extremely well, and I got the last train home. There were lots of stops and issues and delays, and I only got home 3 hours after I left my date.

She asked me to let her know I got home safely. I texted to say I got home but received no response.

Finally got a reply in the morning, she said she was waiting but kept falling asleep but didn’t allow herself to sleep until she saw my message.

She responded this morning with a “like heart” on my message from last night.

I had travelled a long distance to see her, and paid for our date because I wanted to and was happy to do so.

Now I’m feeling a little bit off about it all. Am I being unreasonable to not take her seriously in future?

We are both women, by the way.

Why? Habe you never been in this situation? I am in it regularly, most times I read and don’t respond. The text is for my comfort levels.

I’m prepared to accept I’m being a bit silly, and this is no big deal.

Thanks for making me feel better about it!

I wouldn't respond to somebody in the middle of the night unless they messaged in the last few minutes. If she woke up even half an hour after you messaged then I'm not surprised she didn't like or respond. I wouldn't have wanted to wake you up with a ding or a buzz.

I have at times forgotten to send a "back home safe" message when casually requested by someone. Luckily no one was up waiting and giving my name to local morgues.

Thing is, it's not really about safety - doesn't stop any crime from happening, does it? It's just another way of saying "stay in touch" and best taken lightly.

You got home at 2.30 and you're annoyed she wasn't wide awake waiting for your message? God, I imagined you'd got home at midnight or something - but 2.30am?! Sorry YABU.

I'm boggled at anyone doing a 6 hour round trip for a first date TBH, but pre mobiles no one would have expected a landline call in the middle of the night for this reason. It does not actually ensure any kind of safety to start with.

I wouldn't assume she lied at all. Seems pretty normal she'd fall asleep after the message and respond in the morning.

I find the whole 'let me know you get home safe' thing a bit annoying to be honest. I mean, what are you going to do if you don't hear from me? My partner always says it and I try to do the same because it makes her happy, but it just feels like something I have to remember to do when I get home. I'm an adult, I look after myself and I'm responsible for my own safety. If you live in a dodgy area, book a taxi and don't walk!

Ah but are you a lesbian? This is normal for us! 🤣

I don’t know what she’s done wrong here? I was out last night and didn’t get back till gone midnight. My GF asked me to message her when I got in which I did. She said she’d be awake but I told her not to worry. She messaged me this morning and said she’d fallen asleep at 11:45, half an hour before I got home. I wouldn’t expect her to wait up until I’ve got back on a late night. No, we weren’t on a date but we are in a relationship. We always say to let each other know, but don’t expect to wait up for each other.

it does sound however like you’re a bit resentful about traveling all that way for a date and paying for it as well. I think I’d feel like that too, especially if I was traveling to her. I wonder if that’s maybe the issue? Long distance relationships between women are common, just because there are fewer of us, but it’s a bit of give-and-take isn’t it? Me and my OH live further apart than either of us would like, plus I can’t drive due to disability so the train journey is five hours each way instead of 3.5 in the car for her, but we tried to be fair with how we split travel and expense. Maybe this woman just isn’t for you?

She was tired and she fell asleep. Totally fine.

Tell her you feel like this so she can stop dating you. Then grow up.

I think I misunderstood what you were upset about OP. I thought you thought she should have stayed awake and should have messaged you back that night (which would be needy).

Actually you are uneasy because she said she'd been awake but you suspect she had just gone to sleep and lied about it the next day. I think a white lie is totally fine under the circumstances, because the "let me know you get home safe" is pretty much just a courtesy if someone has travelled to see you.

It could even be a "I fancy you so want you to have a reason to text me", surely?

Point taken!😄

Has something in the past happened to make your over question things ? Has something happened in the past when you have been going hime alone?

She saw your message ok she didn't reply . But she still know you got home safely. Maybe explore why you are upset over this . If you was to see her again and it developed into a relationship would you be questioning her Over this sort of thing? And so early on. It does not sound healthy.

@Uricon2 I thought 'Ah but are you a lesbian'. So @Redhairandhottubs response made me laugh. A good woman is hard to find. A good woman who doesn't know and has possibly dated your ex even harder 🤣

I find the letting someone you are home safe is often a bit of an empty gesture. It's politeness. Often , what could they have done if you hadn't got home safe in the expected timescale.

Sounds like she was dosing, then half woke up and found your message. I would never text someone back at 2.30 am though. I'd worry that the message had taken a while to send and that they may already be in bed.

@easilydistracted1 @Redhairandhottubs Thank you, what you've said makes complete sense and is something I'd never thought about, which is my bad!

@JourneyHomee The date went well and although she was probably not erm entirely conscious until 2.30, it sounds to me as if she likes you enough to want your good opinion.

Daytime date next?

It was 3 hours later, she did wait up but kept falling asleep! You expect too much from people. Next time arrange to meet half way and take turns paying the bill. Don't make yourself a martyr.

If she's 3 hours away, what good would waiting up have done? She couldn't exactly rush to your rescue.

The text was for her peace of mind. She received it and fell asleep. The end.

Thankfully nothing like that!
Just a bit sleep deprived and a tad hung over and maybe just not thinking clearly.

I feel happy now after all the feedback.

And we’ve been texting and having a laugh together and she is being exceptionally kind. Feel a bit guilty now.

A bit of a tough crowd here!

My DH often doesn't realise when he's been asleep. I'll wake him at his desk and he'll go "I was reading!" but he doesn't often snore when he's awake, so...

I'm not sure that is statistically true.