To think men just hate women?

[Justsomethoughts]

The more I think about it, the more I conclude that men must despise us. I think the news today about Wayne Couzens has got me pondering… My thoughts as follows:

Ive read so many threads on here about how little men contribute to household work.
Women are expected to do 99% of housework and childcare whilst sucking it up and looking pretty. This percentage doesn’t seem to change much if they also work. God forbid women complain (I refuse to use the word nag, a word only used by men when talking about women!) as they asked for a family and should be grateful they have a husband and children.

We should look visually appealing/maintain our appearance for as long as possible but not too much - that would be ‘asking for it’. If we don’t we will probably be replaced by a younger/more attractive model.

We can’t walk alone at night as we are at risk of harm (by men).

A very large proportion of female homicides are committed by males living with the victim

The list goes on and on. I know these aren’t brand new facts and obviously ‘not all men’ before people come for me but my god it’s so depressing when you think about it.

Apparently

Some of the biggest sexists I’ve encountered were the ones that didn’t acknowledge these differences and expected women to lift, carry the same amount of weight as men! Because “women wanted equality”, to quote some of them.

My SO however always carries heavier items (luggage, shopping etc.) because he knows that it’s considerably less strenuous for him than me. I consider that the opposite of sexism!

Apart from the not taking lifts from strange men I can honestly say I don't do any of those things, no. To be fair, I live in an EXTREMELY safe area, and I don't go out so much these days, but when I did I wasn't constantly looking over my shoulder. I don't 'watch my drinks' and if I'm too drunk to function, I will call a black cab. I am forty and I've lived to tell the tale. Maybe I have a guardian angel................

I actually agree with that to an extent, I like a man to be a gentleman and my husband does the same, even when I don't really need him to. Back in my dating days, I also always expected the man to pay for the first few dates. I don't know where porn comes into anything?

A man who was my height and size would not be assumed to be unable to lift things, even if he were no stronger than I was.

That’s probably because most men of your height and size are considerably stronger than the vast majorly of women of your height and size.

that’s simply a fact. how is acknowledging that sexist?

The men that refuse to acknowledge these physical differences are more likely to be sexist (and nasty) than those that do in my personal experience.

DD's friend, 21, was roofied and date raped several weeks ago by a fellow student whom everyone thought was lovely. The pride of his family. She has not returned to uni.

Good to know I don't have to warn DD to watch her drinks and be wary in the uni bar, though. Because after all, NAMALT.

I am five eight and weight eight and a half stone. That is tiny for a man, most men that size are not stronger than me.

I’m intrigued what industry these women work in who have never, ever, ever encountered a man who thinks men are better than women.
Have you never, ever heard a man say “Stop crying like a girl.” To his son?
Or make any derogatory comment about any female at all. Whether that be a singer, actress, sports person, mp. Or simply the neighbour who tells you not to park across her drive.
I can tell you now my dh has intervened with an altercation between my female neighbour and some twat mouthing off at her. Dh told him to move and stop being a dick. Amazingly the dick did move when a man confronted him. After he had told my female neighbour to fuck off.
I don’t believe any woman who says they have never encountered any of this.
These are probably the same idiots who claimed people like Gary Glitter, Jimmy Saville, Donald Trump, Rolf Harris etc etc etc were all ‘poor menz’ being victimised by evil conniving women.

Have you tried getting her a guardian angel? Apparently that works.

Define 'derogatory comment'. I presume you mean based entirely on their sex, not just a comment about a woman doing her job badly?

It's not?
That's a surprise.
I thought we were real.
I wonder if this means I don't need to pay my bills.
Return to sender, addressee is not in the real world.

This is game changing. I'm thrilled.

I have a DS too, and I really hate that he leads a somewhat different life from my DD. Not that men aren't getting roofied. Apparently they are. But to relieve them of their wallets. Not to traumatise them for life.

Of course based on their sex.
Endless research has shown plenty of men react differently to an email sent by a woman than the exact same email sent by a man.
I posted this earlier. A woman I know was told by her boss to change her signature on her emails to that of a man.
She did, the nastiness stopped.
It was exactly the same email.

The key question is would the same comment have been made by a man, to a man.

In a large number of cases the answer is no.

I wonder why that is. Hmm. It's a head scratcher alright.

LovelyTheresa what industry do you work in?

I used to be a dancer, I am now a freelance chef.

This incel horror's bumper sticker end figure was an upright man, with a big boobed woman kneeling at his feet on a leash?????? I mean who thinks it's OK to drive about with that on their car?
He puts that there as a way of advertising his status & prowess to other men. He expects to be admired for his ability to dominate and subjugate women; she worships him so much that she is willing to have 'porn style' breast implants and be treated like a dog.

Apart from the not taking lifts from strange men I can honestly say I don't do any of those things, no. To be fair, I live in an EXTREMELY safe area, and I don't go out so much these days, but when I did I wasn't constantly looking over my shoulder. I don't 'watch my drinks' and if I'm too drunk to function, I will call a black cab. I am forty and I've lived to tell the tale. Maybe I have a guardian angel................

In that case, I'm genuinely, and not in a negative way, jealous.

See, I actually wish that two weeks ago when I was going home at 11 pm and saw two big blokes being quite rowdy and loud that my heart didn't jump a beat. Or that I don't hesitate for a few seconds if I have to go through a bunch of guys/teens.

I wish I was so oblivious that I didn't have to take any precautions ever, or at least think about it , just in case.

I wish I didn't know (from personal experience and otherwise) what can happen, but I do and even if I trained my brain otherwise, my body still remembers.

That doesn't mean i'm dwelling on it or playing the victim card. It's being aware(sometimes not even consciously so).

I said it before that you were lucky (a different cab, a different street, a different pub etc) , but your experience is not common ,and the stats (the numbers of women and girls that have been the subject of male violence) back that up.

Amazingly the dick did move when a man confronted him. After he had told my female neighbour to fuck off
He is willing to respond to a man because a man might lamp him one, or have back-up to call on etc. A woman is much less likely to push back, easier to discredit, etc. They do it because they think they can get away with it.

Most men of the same height and size will be stronger than most women of the same height and size. there are some outliers but that won’t change the physical reality of the vast majority of men and women.

And I’m honestly not sure why you’re trying to argue against that, tbh 🤷‍♀️
It doesn’t make us lesser or less capable in general...

One of the things I'm really angry at myself for , is that the older I get the less likely I am to tell men to fuck off (directly or metaphorically), especially if on my own or just me and DD.

I still do it when necessary ,but rarely and with a LOT of discernment and consideration , but I let so much go and it bugs the crap out of me because it goes against the right thing and everything I believe in.

Okay, well I think perhaps some posters here are a little sheltered.

I am six foot tall and any man my height could beat me hollow because of testosterone. Really, some of these posts suggest unbelievable naivety. Even a criminal justice system largely organised by men doesn't engage in such fantasies.

I play bass guitar. I've just left a band I was in. I left mainly because I was treated so differently to the men.

The main things were that I wasn't allowed to carry or set up equipment and none of my ideas were listened to.

If I tried to get involved physically - loading/setting up gear for a gig etc, they would tell me I didn't need to or I'd be tasked with buying drinks. Or, worst still, would be relegated to chatting with their wives rather than be involved with the band. Nothing wrong with chatting to their wives but it was my band too. I wasn't there in the capacity of supporting my husband. I was 25% of the band!

If I made suggestions about song choices or set list organisation or logistical issues or even musical observations relating to the songs we were playing, my comments were rejected or simply ignored.

The drummer didn't do it at all. He would often sit in silence listening to the other two men arguing with me and disregarding what I had to say before eventually saying, "She's right, you know," at which point the other two would agree to give my suggestion a go (because a man had said it). It would work. They'd then claim that's how it had been done all along and they couldn't tell any difference.

This is what 'hating' women looks like in reality for the most part. The singer (who was the worst for it) didn't hate me. I irritated him when I challenged him on occasion when it didn't iritate him if the other men challenged him. But he liked me as a person (I think! 🤣)

They saw me as 'less than' them by not letting me get involved with the technical side of things when I knew what I was doing just as well as they did.

If the guitarist made a mistake at practice - started playing in the wrong key, got the solo wrong - all eyes would turn to me and I'd have to 'prove' that I was right without explicitly saying that he was wrong (very tiresome). If it wasn't immediately obvious it was one of them who had gone wrong, it was presumed to be me.

If one of them couldn't make a practice or do a gig, it was fine. No problem, mate. Totally understandable because of X, Y or Z reason.

I couldn't make practices or gigs far less often than them but when it happened, my commitment to the band was questioned. Literally.

These were all 'lovely' men. Couldn't criticise any of them for the way they treated their wives and daughters or the way they interacted with me on a social level. But the misogyny was there under the surface all the time.

That's what it looks like.

To add, they would involve my partner in setting up for gigs etc and carrying the load.

No problem with that per se because he's also a musician and knows what he's doing.

But so do I.

So it was really obvious it was because I'm a woman.

According to earlier posters, that isn't sexism because women are naturally weaker than men.

You’d be fairly fucking stupid to think that the average women isn’t weaker than the average man