AIBU - violin teacher dumped us on the first lesson

[DesperateSusans]

We are new to the area. My daughter (age 7) desperately wants to learn the violin. We asked at her new school and they gave us the information about the local violin teacher who teaches in the local schools and privately.

we contacted the teacher and arranged the lesson. Everything went really well, DD loved it and the teacher was great with us.

I have since received a text message from the teacher which I am confused about.

something along the lines of - great to meet you earlier, on reflection I think a different teacher may be more suited to working with DD. I immediately asked her what she meant. She then went on to say that she felt uncomfortable about the amount of questions I asked with regards to her qualifications, experience and teaching methods and made her feel uncomfortable! Apparently all of this is on her website (I hadn’t looked) and she felt like I was interviewing her!

surely this can’t be right? Isn’t it normal for parents to ask questions when they engage the services of a private tutor?

I would have done the same as this teacher. She works in a school, of course she’s going to have an enhanced DBS.
You seriously asked her how long it took her students to get to grades after your 7 year old child’s first lesson?? You can’t see why this would have pissed her off? 🤦‍♀️🙄

Well in the OP's case this resulted in a teacher unwilling to take her child.

Do I'm not sure how that's worked out as 'best'

@AlphariusOmegron you sound paranoid or maybe you're joking 😂

Well done to the OP for seeking the best for her child.
We all want what's best for our children.
Some of us know that being pushy doesn't always equal getting what's best for our children.

There's a world of difference between:

• parent 1: an informal phone call before the taster lesson is booked saying "hi music teacher, DC's school had passed your details to us for tuition. We'd love to hear a bit more about the type of tuition you offer" (where the teacher will probably give information about whether they follow an exam syllabus closely, offer primarily classical teaching or also offers rock and pop exams or other routes)
• parent 2: books a lesson, doesn't look at the teacher's webpage and grills them like an interview to the point where an experienced professional actually ends up feeling uncomfortable and deciding that this isn't a professional relationship they want.

Or

• parent 1: after a few weeks and the child seems to be gelling with the teacher and instrument, they ask the teacher what their approach to grades is and how it would work if it was decided grades were the right pathway

Vs

• Parent 2: child has hardly picked up the instrument, but parent pushes the teacher on grades and has already decided that not only are exams best, but they've made a decision about which boards they rate

Few teachers would find parent 1 annoying. Parent 2 probably came across as pushy and hard work.

What are you on about!? Op’s problem is exactly that, she had a spine. I applaud the teacher! Money wasn’t the object here, so you can forget the ’But I’m paying…’ 😂

We switched exam boards because of this. The teacher was very unhappy with how ABRSM had moved and we went with her recommendations. And after all that we didn't need the wretched grade 5 theory that was done a few years ago either!!!

The questions sound quite reasonable to me. Some music teachers are total flakes.

Are you reading a different thread to everyone else or just making things up to get offended by? The child wasn't "dissed" and didn't cry!
Next you'll be saying teacher was being unreasonable to whack OP around the head with her violin bow and threaten to string her up if she asked any more questions....

Honestly, as someone who has worked as a private music tutor, it can get really old, really fast, when a parent with no musical knowledge questions your methods.

You hire a tutor because you can't do it yourself. So let them do it. They should have credentials/qualifications/feedback from previous students on their website. You don't need to interrogate them.

There are so many parents who think they know better when they don't. Teachers have been trained. Parents have not.

To be fair if someone seriously needs to be told why it’s ridiculous to interrogate their child’s teachers and dentists about their qualifications then laughter is probably the best response! 🙄😂

I seriously hope some of these replies on here are piss takes. Surely there aren’t that many unhinged people out there? 🤷‍♀️😂

OP dodged a bullet with a wanker of a teacher who can't take questions and is all precious.

Or vice versa...

“And times to get grades” As a tutor I can tell you that’s a red flag on a first meeting with the parent of a 7 year old.

Sorry but she knew you’d be hard work, OP.

Yes, this is absolutely why you got the boot. You will take up too much time and be a royal pain...

OP dodged a bullet with a wanker of a teacher who can't take questions and is all precious.

So why has Op sent a grovelling email & is hoping to change the teacher's mind?

It's too funny. OP has discovered it's a seller's market!

There seems to be quite a few people who think it is the parent who has the power in these situations. They don't. The power lies with the professional offering their service. It is they who get to pick and choose who they want to teach. It doesn't matter if the parent thinks the teacher is good enough or not, it is the teacher who decides if they want to take on the pupil.

Doesn't seem to be the OP's interpretation of events.

Remember the 'grovelling' email?

Exactly.

Comfortable on your knees is it?

you’re paying. It’s your child. You have all the power.

my daughter is really upset, I can’t believe she has refused to commit to lessons for her

This sentence sums up the entitlement. It's wild!

Not in this case, it would seem.

@AlphariusOmegron Absolutely not the case in this instance though is it? The OP would love to be able to pay for the service, but hasn't been given that opportunity. No power at all. All the power here is the teacher's.

OP dodged a bulet. They still have the power. They don’t want this specific teacher. They want A teacher which they no doubt now have.

I donnt oftenn back teachers as they have too many holidays and too much maonaing on the whole, IMO

However, the teacher was spot on. FGS, the DC is 7 years old, not looking for a teacher to mode on from the bronze medal to the gold, lol.