When did 50/50 become so common?

[Luckylooloostar]

I have a SC and when contact was set up over 13 years ago it was really common to do EOW with maybe a night in the week. No mention of 50/50 ever. Really common among others too around that time.

but Iv noticed a trend over the last few years that seems to be when you split its now 50/50…

Do more men now want this so they don’t have to pay CMS?

@Luckylooloostar not only do I feel bad for your ex, I feel bad for your children. What a strange attitude to have. The courts recognise the importance of having a relationship with both mum and dad these days, luckily.

My situation was ,I had to steal a lot of things I needed as both parents were assuming / demanding the other provided it
I remember neither of them buying me bras and managing in ripped to small ones for a long time .
I remember not having money for sanitary products, because it didn't occur to my dad I would need them and my mum assumed he was buying them ,or she just didn't give it a thought.
I didn't even have anything like the correct school uniform,they were just locked in their battle ,and I was just forgotten.
Birthdays they just assumed the other parent was doing the majority work .
Absolutely no where felt like home .

Actually they are bonded to their mother through pregnancy & Brest feeding & cuddles as an infant, it’s essential to their survival. Hormones like oxytocin -the bonding hormone- have been found to play a role in both parent and child and their connection. It’s certainly not one sided.

@Howbizarre22 you do know the same Oxytocin is also released when bonding with their fathers …

edit : autocorrected 🤦‍♀️

Thats odd, Why would you feel bad for my ex? I don’t have children with him 😂 I only have children with my husband and we are still together.

My dil has 50/50 with her eldest ds. They split when he was a baby and the ex has remained a constant in their lives. Dil had severe post natal depression and really struggled to cope. They all get on really well and live close by. He doesn’t pay cm, why would he.

In the right circumstances it's great. I'm 50/50 with my daughter's dad. Tbh I really didn't want it at first but had no grounds to fight it as he's an awesome dad. Now she's coming up to 15 and I'm so so thankful we did it. She has a brilliant relationship with us both and us with each other (me and her dad). It's good that it's become more common but in the right circumstances.

This. I understand the intention- it’s fair 50/50 o terms of seeing both parents however I believe it is unsettling for the child to not have one base.

Misread 🤭 but either way my point still stands 🤷‍♀️ it’s not a good thing to deprive children a meaningful relationship with their dad, EOW isn’t going to cut it really.

And as an adult,that no where feels like home feeling has stayed with me ,.being shunted from one house to another regularly,has left me feeling like I don't belong anywhere,like there isn't a place in the world forme ..
I just feel permanently like I don't belong,like a fish out of water ,and it was very very hard trying to settle down as an adult..

You can’t misread what I didn’t type as I haven’t once mentioned an ex that I have. Your point was all about how you felt sorry for my ex and kids. 😂

I don’t know of any EOW arrangements amongst split/divorced couples I know. It’s either 50/50 or the dad’s see the children every weekend. All the dads miss their children terribly too when they aren’t with them.

I honestly do not know anyone out of my entire circle of friends or in all the men that I work with where the man has his children 50/50.
Far more common is the man not turning up to collect the children on his days, bitching and moaning about paying “her”, cancelling weekends because they are on a lads weekend etc. And that has been my experience for more than 20 years, I’ve never seen it change. I do think it would be far better for the children if the fathers took a more active role though.

Of course. But the bond is stronger as mother’s body provides the food for survival. I absolutely do not deny connection with the father & child I’m just pointing out that it’s biologically a stronger bond with the mother and child. As course as the child grows up that could change.

I don't have this arrangement. We split a long time ago but I was devastated when he left and my heart would just have broken if he had taken my children for half the week too!! It absolutely wouldn't have been the best for our children and I'm very thankful that both of us could see that and we came to a different arrangement. I have noticed it is very popular now and if it works that's great. I do wonder how well it will work when the children are older though.
I should say though that we don't do EOW. This also seems unbelievably cruel to a father and children who need to see each other far more than this in my opinion.

OP you are being obtuse. It's clear the poster meant your current OH and his contact with his son, they just confused. Does he not want more? Is he happy only seeing his son EOW? genuinely curious but did that not give you pause before having your own children with this man? Did it not make you wonder if he'd be a good father if he's perfectly happy with 4 days a month?

We had my SC EOW and one night in the week. My DH pays his ex a lot of maintenance, way more than CMS. We now have SC 50/50 and he still pays ex the same amount of money. He just wanted to see his children more and they wanted to see him. And no, we don’t have loads of money, in fact we’ve been through a roughy time financially but other things would give before his support for the kids

Pity people calling it a snake pit (or nest of vipers) don't read the answers which are overwhelmingly of the "give your head a wobble" variety

Years of scientific research into the biology of the bond between mother and child? About as factual as you can get I’d say.

I’m not disputing that fathers have a bond with the child- I’m just stating that there is naturally a powerful bond between mother and child after birth due to hormones such as oxytocin which ensures survival and protection of the child.

No it wasn’t clear at all. They tried to be a passive aggressive ass by giving a fake ‘I feel sorry for your ex and for your kids’.

You are also making it up as I haven’t said my SC is a son either. People read whatever suits their own narrative on here.

@Howbizarre22 I didn't provide either of my children's food. Their dad and I bought them Aptamil. And we both had equal cuddles with them when they were babies. So who are they bonded with more according to your theory?

Well did you carry the baby or did he? Or is the answer obvious ….

Oh come on, some do. My ex husband was one of them. He was gloating that I wouldn’t get a penny of his Money if he did.

The woman he left me for put her foot down and didn’t want ds living with them half the time.

I’ve had friends where the same situation has occurred, the father wanted 50/50 so they didn’t have to pay maintenance but then actually couldn’t hack it and it only lasted a few months.

I know of all types..one dad who always was the primary carer and post split still is. The mum lives a 5 Mon walk away and the kids mooch back and forth as they please but always sleep at dads and he's the one who does everything meaningful; one who is entirely absent and pays nothing; one who is EOW and pays CMS; one who is terrible at parenting so doesn't see them.but does pay cms..there's no pattern really but I think its good that 50/50 is a start for discussions at least.

I also agree with the idea that actually paying 50% would be way more than CMS for most plus the hassle of actually doing it. I would have loved 50/50 when my ex upped and left but it was clear he wasn't interested..though crocodile tears to his family about evil me who makes things difficult for him when I say the kids won't just drop everything to suit his schedule 🙄

OP you sound like a delightful person 🙄