When did 50/50 become so common?

[Luckylooloostar]

I have a SC and when contact was set up over 13 years ago it was really common to do EOW with maybe a night in the week. No mention of 50/50 ever. Really common among others too around that time.

but Iv noticed a trend over the last few years that seems to be when you split its now 50/50…

Do more men now want this so they don’t have to pay CMS?

The baby can't remember who carried it. As it goes one of my kids probably gets on better with me and the other with their dad, just due to personality. They are both loved equally by both of us and love us both back, but naturally gravitate towards one or the other parent. Did I carry the one that gets on better with their dad wrongly or something?

Brilliant post @Alwaystransforming

My brother has my nephew majority and his mum eow. Nothing to do with money. My nephew grew up and realised how toxic his mum was. He's now thriving after having anxiety, being bullied and doing shit at school.
Not all men are shit parents. In fact my brother surprised me at how good he is

Years ago the assumption was usually that children were better off with their mother. It's now widely accepted that unless there's abuse involved, it's best for children to spend an equal amount of time with each parent. Attitudes have changed largely as a result of improved research into the effects of separation on children. The largest indicator of life success for children of separated parents is that parents remain amicable with one another and shared custody arrangements. All the advice for separating parents now reflects this.

I've noticed it often depends on the financial position of the dad. If he is low waged, he is unlikely to have housing options open to him. That will restrict when he can see the children, HMO aren't suitable to have kids stay. Wealthier dad's have more options, making 50:50 more of an option. Like everything in life, money dictates the situation.

@SuperstarDeejay @NorthernLights5

Actually the fact he has DC as much as he has is due to the fact he fought to have him after she had an affair and refused to have that much contact as the new man didn't like it. You don't know everything about everyone, my DP is the most hard working, decent man I've ever met and his X is not by default a saint because she is a woman. He's always had to work away, that is what his job (which she pushed him into) entails. We have made provision after provision and repeatedly asked to increase his contact as DSS wants to spend more time with us and she refuses.

Some people on here really don't like men and the man being a dick and the woman being some sort of poor, ill used person is the default view. Sometimes it really isn't the case.

My best friend's dad I mentioned earlier, with the new wife doing the parenting, absolutely did want 50/50 to avoid giving his ex-wife the money, because she had had an affair. (With the ex-husband of his new wife while they were married; yes it was messy...)

My step brother is in his 30s. His Dad had 50:50 as did his best friend in the same situation.

I’m close to 50:50 with my ex. Wasn’t this way when they were younger but now they are older it has evolved to this. He still ‘pays for’ his kids but we use a joint account so I think he feels it’s fairer. I certainly am not out of pocket so win-win for me!

Nothing like answering back when people make stupid comments to then be called ‘Delightful’ 🙄

I'm 50 50 with my ex husband because he wanted to see his kids and be actively involved. We both have very busy jobs so this works really well and good for the kids.

Both parents wanted to be involved 10-20 years ago too I’m sure but the default was mostly EOW visitation. No one ever mentioned 50/50.

I agree. Back in 2004 when DH and his ex split up, EOW was the norm. But I don't think DH could ever have done 50/50 given his job, and as the ex only worked a few hours per week, EOW seemed a sensible solution

Seems like your OH couldn't be bothered with the hands on. More a fair weather dad.

50/50 doesn’t automatically void the paying of CM. If you’re going to be ignorant about it, at least get your facts right.

How about on the flip side some women dig their heels in and avoid 50/50 so they can get the maintenance?

The world is full of lazy, feckless utterly shit parents, men and women.

If a child is shared 50/50 by two loving parents wanting a full and active part in their life that is a wonderful thing.

They should both be paying their own costs relating to taking care of that child when they are in their home. Then both contributing 50% to everything else that is significant such as school trips, school dinners, uniforms, shoes, clothes etc.

Maintenance isn't necessary if both parents are being grown ups and taking full responsibility and 50% in their home.

Years ago men got custody of the children by default my nan was forced to leave hers behind her husband gave her freedom at a price the price was never seeing her children again

Both parents wanted to be involved 10-20 years ago too I’m sure but the default was mostly EOW visitation. No one ever mentioned 50/50.

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In hindsight that is absolutely bollocks that this was the default. The man got to swan off into the sunset pleasing himself (if he wanted to) while the woman was given 2 days "off" out of 14. Diabolical.

It's not outdated at all I'm afraid. I know many cases where the father has sought a joint lives with order in order to be able to send it to CMS and also pursue child benefit. Once the order is in place they then start to cut down the time.

I don't know anyone in real life that actually does 50/50. On paper is very different to reality.

Something similar happened to my gran in the 60s.

She was a survivor of horrific domestic violence but she couldn't leave because he kept taking her children away and hiding them, and his name was on the rent book so she couldn't kick him out. She couldn't leave without her children, and he would take them away from the home for weeks at a time so she was trapped.

Domestic violence wasn't a thing then, nobody would get involved because it was seen as an issue between man and wife and nothing to do with the law.

Her husband stuck his head in the oven once and threatened to blow himself and the house up and nobody did anything to help her get out of that situation and ensure her children's safety. It was just a minor disagreement between man and wife.

Honestly, a decent bloke wanting 50% residency and some people sneer and claim he just wants to avoid paying. He doesn't need to pay his ex if he is proving a fair amount.

20 years ago was also very normal that the man was the main breadwinner and his job was very much, very much important.
The default set up was not to disturb the man job and leave the woman doing women things. I know right!!

Thankfully, now there are more flexibility around work, men and women access more equally to most of the works and a man raising a child is not by default seem as (oh poor him he is a widow). So those men with children that are separate/ divorce that like to be involved in their daily kids stuff opt for a 50/50.
CMS has not much to do because kids eat and get dressed everyday regardless of they staying with the mother or the father so no, I wouldn't think is to avoid a few pounds they can save I think they do it for the kids.

There are men that would do it because of that? Yes there are but seems to me a silly thing to do because you still are going to spend money.

I have a traditional end-of-week (EOW) custody arrangement. However, DP has a 50/50 arrangement (No court) where the kids spend one week with him and one week with their mother. The children want to move in with their father, but their mother is hesitant. It's unfair to assume that all women are competent parents.

...but a lot of these 50:50 men don't actually parent their child while they're doing their "half" of the parenting.

They babysit = fast food/takeaways, TV, gaming, no homework, no telling off, no strict bedtimes, no sets of clothes, no appointments, no clubs.

All the important and hard stuff is left to mum, who also has to work FT

In my experience this was exactly the reason why

Happily doing 50/50 with 12 year old DD. ExH is a present and conscientious parent. DD is happy and secure. No issues here.

And you would not win in court with that argument because it is exceptionally selfish and not in the best interest of the children.

My DH has 50/50 because he wants to be involved with his child. He still pays maintenance actually even though he doesn't legally have to.

I think maybe you should flip that question around and ask why your DH is happy to only see his child EOW?