When did 50/50 become so common?

[Luckylooloostar]

I have a SC and when contact was set up over 13 years ago it was really common to do EOW with maybe a night in the week. No mention of 50/50 ever. Really common among others too around that time.

but Iv noticed a trend over the last few years that seems to be when you split its now 50/50…

Do more men now want this so they don’t have to pay CMS?

No, I'm saying that in all the cases we looked at, that was the circumstances of the children involved.

Statistics are just data. They don't determine a cause. You can do anything with statistics to support a bias. For example, 95% of people who committed suicide had received the BCG injection in their childhood. That's a huge correlation, right? But it doesn't mean people who received their BCG are more likely to commit suicide. Or 87% of divorced people received the MMR injection as babies. Does that mean divorce rate is affected by the MMR vaccine? Of course not.

The fact that nine youngsters who committed suicide had divorced parents means nothing. How many children with divorced parents don't commit suicide?

I'm speaking as someone who is still with my nearly adult child's father. I find your post patronising to people who have separated but still sharing parenting. Do you not think most parents think hard and long how their children are feeling. We never underestimated my SC's feelings.

How many of the parents were alcoholics?

People who grew up with a parent who abused alcohol may be 85 percent more likely to attempt suicide than people whose parents did not abuse alcohol, according to research published by the American Psychological Association.

You suggested causation.

What do you mean worth considering? Thats as vague as the ‘research’.

Do you realise how much research would be needed including that of 2 parents families and understand their private life? To even getting anywhere near seeing what is an increase in risk factors?

and also, you suggest there the research was also bias as it proved the LA schools weren’t the problem.

Vile to be claiming this as anywhere near valid or even ethical

Interestingly a five year national study found that:

Parental divorce as such is only weakly associated with suicide of the children involved, and this association is probably confounded by the practical, financial and socio-economic implications of living in a single-parent family or relational background factors related to the divorce

I'm curious as to whether @Soreteatowel s quoted study looked at the following, known, risk factors for teenage suicide

The children having mental health problems
The family having mental health problems
Abuse or violence in the home
A family history of suicide
Impulsive behaviour problems
Substance abuse in the family
Relationship break ups of the child
Death of a friend of the child
Acute conflict with adults in their life
Child sexual abuse

Because if all of these known risk factors were not taken into account then the study is of as much use as finding that most children who commit suicide have size seven feet so we should be concerned about children having size seven feet

No, I'm saying that in all the cases we looked at, that was the circumstances of the children involved.

And your point is…?

Anyway, what we found was that the children were very varied, some academic, some struggling, some sporty, others not, some popular, others struggled socially, some affluent, some FSM. The only two things they all (100%) had in common was a history of self harm and separated parents , who were both very involved. Not 50/50 but absolutely parenting jointly.

So basically the research looked at factors that the school/LA were interested in ascertaining but not the risk factors as outlined by PP. You treat the fact "it was very informal and not intended to be scientific" almost as an aside as opposed to a crucial element of a study's findings/reliability.

The examples in the link below are obviously correlational as opposed to causation but they're easy to see as nonsense (which is the point of the website). The danger with you quoting what you did is that it can seem plausible to someone who doesn't know how to read statistics, especially with your assertion that it 100% has to worth considering. It's think it's irresponsible of you to post it on this thread.

https://www.tylervigen.com/spurious-correlations

To follow on from this excellent post, is the dangers of interpretation when it comes to the correlation, in this particular "study"

For example it was found that complaints about the lack of smell on scented candle reviews correlated to volumes of covid cases.

One interpretation is that people were buying scented candles, had their sense of smell impacted by covid and therefore were complaining that the scent wasn't as strong as expected

Another interpretation is that scented candles cause covid

In the study quoted the children who committed suicide were found to come from divorced homes with equally shared custody

One interpretation could be that being the child of divorced parents with shared custody raises the risk of suicide

Another interpretation could be that the challenges of raising a child who is inclined to suicide and mental health issues raises the risk of divorce

It is happening already :). I think mumsnet will always be weighted towards women putting up with such men because many on this platform want to be mothers.

Correlation and causation are massively misunderstood generally I think

I really wish people could write these things in English and not in code!!!! I have absolutely no idea what you are asking about from the original post 🙃

It's not code. It's just Internet shorthand.
SC = step child
EOW =every other weekend
CMS = child maintenance service.

That’s exactly why my ex does it. I’m allowed more time if I don’t claim any money. So I have her most of the time and just pay for everything. He pays no school fees, sports, nothing. I’m lucky I can afford it, but it does grate a bit.

what a lovely attitude. So woman should take responsibility for domestic abuse should they ? Wow just wow

Neither of us carried our child as we adopted them so would you consider things differently for us?

Every set of separated parents I know do 50/50 and it’s because the dad wants equal time and input with their child. I can’t imagine how a mother would justify not wanting to allow that.

👆🏼obviously I don’t mean in the case of abuse or DV

He could always get another job if he wanted it that badly?

A lot of women could pick better men to have kids with, yes. Normally the warning signs are there yet they still go on to have 2/3/4 of his kids.

Come on OP that is ignorant. My ex wasn't abusive until DC2 arrived and I was well and truly trapped.

This

I’m sure there are SOME men who do this, but equally there are women who refuse to agree to a 50/50 split, purely so they can claim CMS.
Fact is that children should be allowed and encouraged to spend time, and develop an equally close bond with BOTH of their parents, and 50/50 should absolutely be “normal” whenever it’s possible.

pure victim blaming. Many cases of domestic abuse don’t start until a woman is pregnant. Im sure the families of the 2 women who are killed every week through domestic abuse would disagree.

Tell me you don't understand DV patterns of behaviour without telling me you don't understand DV patterns of behaviour

Nice way to reinvigorate the thread with more controversial comments though

@MotherofChaosandDestruction you didn't read my further posts. He's negotiated flexible working, we've sorted things so DSS can come 50/50 which is his wish. His DM won't let him as her partner doesn't want DP to have more involvement in his life.