When did 50/50 become so common?

[Luckylooloostar]

I have a SC and when contact was set up over 13 years ago it was really common to do EOW with maybe a night in the week. No mention of 50/50 ever. Really common among others too around that time.

but Iv noticed a trend over the last few years that seems to be when you split its now 50/50…

Do more men now want this so they don’t have to pay CMS?

Wouldn't have time to shop organic

What bullshit is this? Ocado sells organic food. You literally click a button and it gets delivered to your kitchen at a time convenient to you. Likewise 'homemade' is not synonymous with 'takes fucking hours'. It can be, but it doesn't have to.

DH has a big job with long hours, and he goes in very early in the morning so he can share the load at home. I also have quite a big job (admittedly not as big as his; but still a significant contribution to the household pot). He is still more than capable of parenting his own children, because there is no option for him not to or to delegate the parenting.

It's absolutely astonishing how capable some of these men can be when they're expected to contribute equally to the home sphere.

My Dh does all the cooking, and as far as I know prepares food in the normal manner. Are women supposed to be using their vaginas to prepare food or something? Otherwise I dont know how you could possibly "correctly" assume men prepare food differently to women 🙄

It's bizarre, isn't it? As if having a job makes people somehow incapable of cooking!

What short cuts are you imagining?

Online shopping, maybe?

Batch cooking?

Slow cooker?

I don't do any of those. I will slow cook things like kleftiko but in an oven.

No, I don't do online shopping either (except for an elderly relative). Don't use my slow cooker either, though I do batch cook stuff like curry.

Was just trying to suggest some potential shortcuts that the pp's H might adopt.

Oh he definitely could. But I just wondered what these short cuts that the poster assumed working parents make.

I have a slow cooker but use it to make scented oils 😂

Scented oils sound lovely!

I imagine that the pp was assuming that her DH would have to rely on convenience food. She might well be right, as her posts do point to him being pretty incompetent. What she doesn't appear to understand is that her husband's incompetence is not typical of all men, or indeed of all working parents.

All of the above for us. 😂

I don’t think I am either! I’m just someone giving my 50p on an internet forum.

My original point was that I don’t think men and women generally give the same weight to the same aspects of care and that I generally agree with the perspective that thinks men & women don’t generally give the same level of care when it comes to parenting. That’s all. It’s not a dig at anyone and not goading anyone into an argument.

Almost Everything in life is a choice - If someone puts baby to bed at 5 or at 11 it’s a choice. Parenting is just a series of choices; my point is exactly that I think men and women would generally speaking sometimes make different choices in different scenarios and I think that in some of those cases it may mean the level of parental care is different.

But your generalisations based on sex are just ridiculous!!

Why do you assume that all women would approach parenting (and even cooking!!) in the same way that you do?

And why would you assume that most men are as crap as your DH appears to be.

What do you think about mothers who work in "big jobs"? Are they somehow capable of "good, thorough and attentive" parenting because they're female? Or are they assumed to be far too busy to do anything properly and therefore crap like your DH?

No.

People make different choices. Those choices are not dictated by their sex.

And the choices that you make may not be better than the choices that other people might make. Different doesn't necessarily mean better or worse.

But CMS is so low - surely they're contributing more to the other parent by doing half the childcare

And covering half the associated costs of having and caring for that child

All you're doing is perpetuating sexist stereotypes.
Individuals will parent differently but you can't say that is down to their sex.

Do you have sons? Because if so, you're probably just perpetuating this "50p" stuff for a whole other generation.

In fact, even if you have daughters, you're probably setting them up unequal parenting situations in the future too

I think daughters are more likely to look at the situation and think WTF.

I know that some of my 18yo dd's female friends think this about the division of responsibilities between their parents. Things may change when they're older, of course, but most of them are very clear that they will do things differently when they're older.

I'm not sure if the boys always notice the unfairness in quite the same way. I suspect that many of them are subconsciously absorbing the entitlement shown by their dads, and that will play out in their future relationships one day. DD does have one male friend who is painfully aware of the inequality between his mum and his dad, but he is gay so won't have quite the same dynamic in his future relationships in any case.

Hopefully, in a few years time, there will be far fewer women willing to put up with crap men.

Not in my experience

That's the case for mothers as well though. Not all mothers make the same choices either.

I think you have to get a bit real on the parents of your partner. If your partners father doesn't do his share and the mother is doing it all, that's the model your boyfriend has. And it's a big ask to imagine he will be different when children arrive.

Yes you are correct - for example he would have to make some shortcuts eg with food as you say, which I wouldn’t if it was me providing the care.

Presumably if you were a single parent working full time you too would need to make some shortcuts, you can’t compare the care of your child, with two adults in the home, one of whom takes the primary care giving role while the other works, with how you would be as a single parent.

This thread got quite offensive quite fast didn't it.

What do posters think that two ft working parents do? Let the kids starve or feed them McDonald's every night? Home made doesn't need to be that time consuming and it doesn't need to be every night.