When did 50/50 become so common?

[Luckylooloostar]

I have a SC and when contact was set up over 13 years ago it was really common to do EOW with maybe a night in the week. No mention of 50/50 ever. Really common among others too around that time.

but Iv noticed a trend over the last few years that seems to be when you split its now 50/50…

Do more men now want this so they don’t have to pay CMS?

There are a couple of angry posters on this thread (yes, you OP) and far too many emojies.

He would have done had he known it was happening. I don't want to share too many details as it's quite outing, but it was kept secret until it was too late for him to do anything to prevent it. He was quite young (and naive) when they split so it didn't occur to him that she might do that or have any limitations put into their access agreements.

Press the back button and leave the thread then..

I don't want to.

OP is angry because the thread didn’t go her way and people haven’t joined the men bashing narrative she’s created. It’s refreshing to see how many people have balanced views and openly challenge outdated stereotypes.

Can you say how EWO isn’t also about what the parents want?

How so?

That's shocking. Why would a parent want to move their children away from their other loving parent? It's disgusting how many people put their own wants before their children's needs.

It really is ♥️

If we split up my DH would definitely want 50/50 - he is a very hands on dad and we both work and do equal childcare/housework. However I don't know if it would be what's best for my DD (2.5). She feels safe at home, only wants me at bedtime and during the night still and I do think the upheaval would be quite upsetting for her. That said, I would definitely want to work towards it the older and more confident she became as the bond between her and DH is just as important IMO. Prays DH doesn't decide to leave me

I think it would hurt both of us a lot to be away from her half the time tbh, surely nobody has kids to only see them 3 days a week?

I have a friend who does 50/50 with her ex (2 year old DD) and their version of it is that she has her all Monday - Thursday and he Thursday eve to Sunday eve. I think it's hideously unfair on her, she has an older child at school and works PT so her 'time' is the odd half day fitting in around school runs and other week day drudgery. She also barely gets to spend any time with both her girls together or go on days out because of the arrangement. She's asked to change things before but he refuses because he works during the week. TBH as much as I know her ex loves their daughter and wants her half the time, half of me thinks he's being a prick for insisting on this.

Come on folks, many people will be aware anecdotally of fathers who absolutely are looking for 50/50 split to avoid paying maintenance. My sisters ex is quite open about the fact. He has it worked out to the minute practically! That’s not to say he isn’t a good dad and the positive outcome is that the children have a good strong relationship with him. But let’s not be naive.
I’m not sure I’d say it’s the main reason for the increase in 50/50 though. More women working, so fathers having to/wanting to step up more rather than be the traditional weekend dad? Changing ideas about a father’s role? Being hands on and involved being more ‘the norm’?

Of course it is.

I imagine the attitude of some posters would be quite different if it was mothers that would be more likely to only see their child every other week.

I think it's easy to say when you know you're the parent who'd be likely considered the ''main'' parent.

@Emmz1510 some not all.

And some women will go for a 45/55 split so they can have CMS. And maybe rightly so.

This thread is a bit bizarre really. It seems like the OP has an axe to grind but doesn't actually have an axe.

Another 'ask a question, don't like the answer'.

I think it would hurt both of us a lot to be away from her half the time tbh, surely nobody has kids to only see them 3 days a week?

and dads can’t feel the same or does that only apply to mums?

You're wrong about this.
My OH has 50/50 with his ex. They earn salaries pretty similar, she is classed as the "primary" carer by CMS all because the school and doctors have her address as where the children are registered.
He actually does a lot more hands on childcare because she uses after school clubs and her family picks them up; whereas he collects them himself and spends more hours with them but the overnight stays remain the same (exactly equal)
He attends hospital appts/dentists/school events.
Whatever falls on his day, he does. He also actually has them during the day on school holidays whereas hers go to her parents house or a holiday club - again, he spends more physical time with them.
Her high salary does not get taken into account whilst the CMS asking him for money.
The GP will only have 1 address on their records so he has no choice but to pay it as otherwise they will go straight to his employers and do a DEO.
The CMS system is flawed massively for those parents who do equal shared care.

Luckylooloostar
Unless the dad is an exceptionally high earner then yes it does. At least get your facts right.

I do have my facts right. My ex earns 75000, CMS calculator awards me maintenance. That is hardly an exceptionally high earner.
So maybe you should get your facts right about things you have no experience of

I don’t think I’d be happy with a man who only wanted to see his kid/s EOW. Would not be giving them further progeny.

I am sure he has tried but can he try going back to CMS? Having said that I just did a fictitious example on CMS calculator saying I earned £150k (just for fun) but said I had three children half the time. It said I would have to pay £1000 a month. But then the calculator counts half as 174 to 182 nights a year which is not truly 50%. I think though if you can prove that he genuinely has them half the time he does not have to pay. Or he could put a claim in against her.

why do you assume that what you consider is best for your kids is the same for everyone's kids?

some women will go for a 45/55 split so they can have CMS. And maybe rightly so.

What's 'right' about that?

The CMS system is flawed massively for those parents who do equal shared care

I did 50/50 for a while. Paid 100% of childcare, clothes, uniform, shoes, haircuts, took the time off for medical appointments (one child with a disability)....there is sod all that can be done to force a parent on a 50/50 deal to actually foot 50% of costs.

or maybe they want to see their children and it’s not about money. Not all dads are arseholes. Not all relationships breakdowns are the fault of the fathers.

I am being generous. Maybe there are situations where a woman had been financially abused and will need the CMS. I am clutching at straws though