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Original poster

When did 50/50 become so common?

698 replies

Luckylooloostar · 28/02/2024 22:24

I have a SC and when contact was set up over 13 years ago it was really common to do EOW with maybe a night in the week. No mention of 50/50 ever. Really common among others too around that time.

but Iv noticed a trend over the last few years that seems to be when you split its now 50/50…

Do more men now want this so they don’t have to pay CMS?

OP posts:
Fireandflames · 29/02/2024 11:29

My child’s father would love the idea of 50% but then not take care of them properly. They go every ow Friday to Monday and turn up in the same clothes, no baths and teeth and hair not brushed. I would point blank refuse him 50/50, it’s not in the kids benefit.

Dontcallmescarface · 29/02/2024 11:30

StopStartStop · 29/02/2024 11:22

50/50 is a scam invented by men so they wouldn't have to pay child maintenance. They might take 50% of the time but they don't do 50% of the work. 'Hands on' dads, my arse.

The above is my personal, considered opinion and won't be changed by posters claiming their exes are wonderful fathers or any other such nonsense.

If you say so dear.

WhatHeSaid33 · 29/02/2024 11:30

Nesting - does anyone have any links to studies of this re benefits to children? Would love to do it for my DC but her father was and still is abusive to me, and it didn’t work out when we tried it. But my heart breaks sending her to him somewhere else and the back and forth she’ll do. Which I hated as a child. Looking for answers to what’s best really

FrippEnos · 29/02/2024 11:33

CinnamonJellyBeans · 28/02/2024 23:37

I'm disagree with the posters who that state their men simply cannot have their own child 50:50 because they work long hours, or it doesn't fit with their job. Women work long hours too.

But the men that work long hours and have found or paid for childcare are also getting vilified by some on this thread, seems that they can't win.

ElaineMBenes · 29/02/2024 11:35

Like Iv already said men loved their kids back 10-20 years ago too. The default was still EOW.

Society changes. The expectations around the role of men and women in society and in relation to work and child care have changed/are changing.

Incidentally, I knew parents who did 50/50 twenty years ago.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 29/02/2024 11:36

Because separated parents should be making decisions based on what's best for the kids. I think 50/50 should be the norm, at least the starting point. I have 50/50 with my daughter's dad, she's happy, he's happy, I'm happy.

Girlwithred · 29/02/2024 11:38

Sorry but although not always true I do know of 2 Dads that have done this to avoid cost. One made his Mum have the kids all the time and the other made older kids mind the child.

I also worry that statistically more DV/V comes from the father this is putting women in a very difficult position knowing that if they leave there is a high chance the partner will get the children half the time and is not always easy to prove to courts.

Having said that I understand in some cases it would all be the other way round.

Illpickthatup · 29/02/2024 11:38

finalpunt · 29/02/2024 11:14

Tell that to my DSS, who lives with us

Show quote history

My DSS lives with us full time as well. He's actually my DHs DSS but he's raised him as his own since he was 3.

Mylovelygreendress · 29/02/2024 11:41

My DD’s friend and her exh have 50/50 at his insistence . The DC hate it . They hate not having a secure base , they hate moving between houses . They are frequently cared for my their father’s new girlfriend who they don’t like .
50/50 may suit some families but not all .

babyproblems · 29/02/2024 11:44

Fireandflames · 29/02/2024 11:29

My child’s father would love the idea of 50% but then not take care of them properly. They go every ow Friday to Monday and turn up in the same clothes, no baths and teeth and hair not brushed. I would point blank refuse him 50/50, it’s not in the kids benefit.

I think this is true of most dads.. it’s sad really but I think there are very few men who actually take really good, attentive, thorough care of their kids. My DH is a good dad and partner, but would he be able to handle all medical appointments? I don’t think so. Feed only homemade food like I do for us? No he wouldn’t. That’s not neglect but equally it’s a lower standard of general care than I give.

FucksSakeSusan · 29/02/2024 11:44

We started 50/50 but it's now 3/4 weekends because his gf "wanted more time to relax". She has several kids that go to their dad's EOW...

Kimmeridge · 29/02/2024 11:45

I've got 2 friends who did 50/50 because their ex husbands didn't want to be EOW Dads & wanted to be as big a part of their lives as possible. It worked out really well.

It also meant that my friends had time to themselves, and it worked well when they started new relationships because they knew exactly what days their children were with their Dad & when they were with them, so they focused on their children on the days they had them then had time with friends and new partners when Dad had the kids

There's no reason why Dads shouldn't get 50/50 if it suits everyone

ElaineMBenes · 29/02/2024 11:47

I think this is true of most dads.. it’s sad really but I think there are very few men who actually take really good, attentive, thorough care of their kids. My DH is a good dad and partner, but would he be able to handle all medical appointments? I don’t think so. Feed only homemade food like I do for us? No he wouldn’t. That’s not neglect but equally it’s a lower standard of general care than I give.

You need to hang around with a better quality calibre of men.

bittertwisted · 29/02/2024 11:48

My son is a teenager. He still hangs out with his mates, does sport etc
He then gets picked up/ has tea/ plays Xbox/ sleeps 50% at each house. A normal life
I suspect some people don't want their SC there half the time, hence the hysteria about 50/50

PieAndLattes · 29/02/2024 11:48

StopStartStop · 29/02/2024 11:22

50/50 is a scam invented by men so they wouldn't have to pay child maintenance. They might take 50% of the time but they don't do 50% of the work. 'Hands on' dads, my arse.

The above is my personal, considered opinion and won't be changed by posters claiming their exes are wonderful fathers or any other such nonsense.

You must know a lot of shitty men.

Chocolatebuttonns · 29/02/2024 11:52

babyproblems · 29/02/2024 11:44

I think this is true of most dads.. it’s sad really but I think there are very few men who actually take really good, attentive, thorough care of their kids. My DH is a good dad and partner, but would he be able to handle all medical appointments? I don’t think so. Feed only homemade food like I do for us? No he wouldn’t. That’s not neglect but equally it’s a lower standard of general care than I give.

Show quote history

How many medical appointments are there?!

I despair a bit at this. I would fully trust dh to be able to feed our child properly and take him to medical appointments as these are things he already does.

melodypondisasuperhero · 29/02/2024 11:53

I guess it’s cultural. I was a 50/50 kid when my parents split in 1994, that was in Sweden and was very much the norm back then, I didn’t know any EOW kid throughout my childhood.

Chocolatebuttonns · 29/02/2024 11:56

melodypondisasuperhero · 29/02/2024 11:53

I guess it’s cultural. I was a 50/50 kid when my parents split in 1994, that was in Sweden and was very much the norm back then, I didn’t know any EOW kid throughout my childhood.

I think Sweden does child rearing really very well from what I hear!

StopStartStop · 29/02/2024 11:57

PieAndLattes · 29/02/2024 11:48

You must know a lot of shitty men.

Show quote history

😂😂 The dad I know quite well is one of the wonderful ones. But there are too many of the others to let the odd good bloke alter the demographic.

Luddite26 · 29/02/2024 11:59

A scam invented by men to put an end to leeching women draining the life out of an ex's resources?
For every dead beat dad I have ever met I have met as many controlling scheming mothers.

bombastix · 29/02/2024 12:04

50/50 is credible when before the split the actual arrangement was close to that anyway.

The partner who has a revelation on splitting they should do more or offers it is not credible. Everyone knows the difference between one sort of man or the other.

Soreteatowel · 29/02/2024 12:05

I think it's mostly done to be "fair" but to me it seems a horrible solution for the children. I'd hate to live like that myself.

All children of separated parents, regardless of how amicable things are, feel torn between them, but very few will express that. This situation makes that even harder for them and means they feel they have no permenant home.

WinterDeWinter · 29/02/2024 12:07

I'd be interested to know the percentage of fathers with 50/50 who
a. pay exactly 50% of the full expenses, from school coat to break money to activities
b. spend money and time on cooking food to the level that the mother does
c. don't outsource the mental load/domestic burden to 'stepmother' or his own mother.

TerrifiedOfNoise · 29/02/2024 12:08

It’s not just about maintenance, without 50:50 every big decision defaults to the parent with even 51% custody as they get the CB and then the school choices, doctors etc. are based on this address. My DP has 50:50 because he loves his children and would have them all the time if he could. In reality if he didn’t his ex would have moved all the kids to a school it would be impossible for him to drop them off at, focussed their whole life around her new home and new partner because as she repeatedly told him ‘it would be easier if you just went away’ and ‘the have a step dad now’. Not all situations are like this but my DP has had to stick out many years of this kind of crap, whilst doing 50:50 prove to the kids he’s not left them (as their mother sadly repeatedly told them after they split and she asked him to leave the family home, which he did because he’s not an arsehole).

this is just one story of many. Some men use 50:50 for the right reasons and some for the wrong ones, just as some women refuse 50:50 and push for less contact with the father for the right reasons (abuse etc.) and others for the wrong ones (spite, selfishness or monetary gain). Without knowing the individuals you simply can’t know which it is.

Luddite26 · 29/02/2024 12:09

WinterDeWinter · 29/02/2024 12:07

I'd be interested to know the percentage of fathers with 50/50 who
a. pay exactly 50% of the full expenses, from school coat to break money to activities
b. spend money and time on cooking food to the level that the mother does
c. don't outsource the mental load/domestic burden to 'stepmother' or his own mother.

Oh and the percentage of mums who do the same.