When did 50/50 become so common?

[Luckylooloostar]

I have a SC and when contact was set up over 13 years ago it was really common to do EOW with maybe a night in the week. No mention of 50/50 ever. Really common among others too around that time.

but Iv noticed a trend over the last few years that seems to be when you split its now 50/50…

Do more men now want this so they don’t have to pay CMS?

I agree, the adults rather than the children are centred when the default is 50/50.

Can you imagine if you had to go and stay at (say) your own mum's for half of every week? The difficulty staying organised for work, and planning things, and just not feeling displaced all the time?

I can imagine it, I've done it (building work ) but if I had a second set of everything at my mum's and just had to take myself and my work laptop it would have been fine!

An interesting question though I doubt you would ever get the true facts.

my DP buys all uniform, pays for extra-curricular and trips etc. But still doesn’t spend as much as his ex as she’s racking up loads of debt on constant activities, treats and outings that we simply can’t afford (and we both have well paid full time jobs whilst she works part time). We can’t compete with this Disney parenting but the kids are well clothed, fed well and my DP always goes out of his way to facilitate their hobbies etc. We do family holidays and trips but they’re affordable rather than extravagant ones.

Not all mothers cook like Nigella you know that don't you?

A dad can provide a home just as well as a mum does. People on here are talking as though ALL women are 1950s BBC style housewives. Some kids are glad of the escape to their peaceful bedrooms at their dad's.
Those generalising have obviously got bitter experience.

I don't think 50:50 centres adults. It CAN centre the adults wants. It depends on the kids, the set up etc.

However, so can EWO. There's posts on here saying the person who doesn't want to be married anymore must face the consequences of their actions and accept EWO. That's centring the adults wants.

If you are doing ewo because that's what suits the kids, that's great. If you are doing 50:50 and suits the kids that great. Sometimes even though the child may want ewo it may not be possible, due to parents working. Or 50:50 might be wrong.

Not sure I understand the motivation of some people pretend that 50:50 is the devil's work and EWO is a superior choice. Either can be a good choice or a bad choice. Depending on the child, the proximity, the parents and the ability of the parents to balance what needs to be done and what works for the kids vs their wants.

Plenty of kids are also unhappy in ewo.

I don't understand. Why on earth wouldn't a man be able to handle medical appointments or make home cooked meals?

What does "handling medical appointments" even mean?

If your DH wouldn't be able to manage basic parenting tasks effectively or take good, thorough, attentive care of your kids, then I'm sorry, but he really isn't a good dad. What would happen to your children if you died?

@WinterDeWinter Week on, week off? Not half weeks...

Does he have a disability which would make it impossible for him to do these things?

Thankfully my DH has much higher standards than his ex.

1. He doesn't pay exactly 50% of expenses he pays more.
2. He's a very good cook, meanwhile SKs live off takeaways at their mother's or super noodles.
3. DH has no parents. My parents have babysat for us twice in the last year. When we have the kids we have the kids. We Share childcare and housework pretty evenly.

Speaking to a couple of my friends I realise not all men are like this. My friend can't even go to a 1 hour gym class without her OH calling to complain about the kids and how he can't handle them. I know I'm very lucky to have my DH and so are the kids.

Catch yourself on.

Can't handle medical appointments or only cook home made food?

Why can't he?

Hate to break it to you but if he is incapable of doing any of those things (assuming he has got any disabilities preventing him from doing so), then he is not a "good dad" if he can't manage basic parenting i.e handling medical appointments on his own. What sort of father can't get his kids to a dr or hospital appointment?

Can absolutely confirm as a working mother with my DS all the time and DSD 50/50 we do not eat only homemade food all the time and DSD does not eat all homemade food at her mothers either - that is a completely ridiculous notion for most people and completely irrelevant in your argument

God, judging by this thread women are perfect earth mothers cooking only perfectly balanced home cooked meals and providing a perfect home for their children. Whilst men are useless fathers who can't cook or make sure their children get washed or brush their teeth.

Mumsnet is wild.

Thankfully I was child in the 80s and when my parents split the norm was to stay with Mum, and have visits/outings with Dad. EOW or 50/50 would have been unthinkable, I'm so glad I managed to avoid it

What a shocking idea. I’m sure mumsnet agrees it can’t be that, it must be to avoid paying money…

Absolutely this - i cannot imagine for one minute DH would be happy with EOW, he (quite rightly) adores our DC and would want to play a huge part in their lives.

My cousin and his wife divorced many years ago, he had 50/50 and said if he could he would have his DS full time - but obvs he couldn't. Because - yanno - two loving parents.

I have only read the first two pages of this thread but OP your view is so depressing. I know what you are getting at - you only want to see the SC EOW. I am a huge advocate for step parents but your OP is the problem with people's perceptions of step parents. I think it is sad that your DH is happy with EOW, i am also sad that you think this is acceptable.

Less SAHP? Expect that would mean more working parents (women) thinking why should I be restricted to school hour jobs for 5 years or pay for all childcare so dad can "babysit" once a fortnight.

Higher expectations from working women for men to step up and parent their kids.

Dear god and then I stumble upon this nugget. Are you serious? Why did you marry someone so inept at basic life skills?

@Luckylooloostar

you are wrong op

dads can absolutely love their kids just as much as mums and want to spend time with them every bit as much as mums

hth

I have no experience of this at all but am interested to read this discussion.
Op is asking if 50/50 is for dad's to avoid paying maintenance- are there cases where mothers pay maintenance too? If she earns a higher wage for example
Why is the questions just about dad's avoiding maintenance- if have heard of mothers who want the 50/50 split so they can have more freedom from the kids.
I have worked with young mums who love this because they can " have their own life back " who look forward to having a night out and not have to get babysitter etc. So why is question focused on the men ? In interests of equality should the question not be why do parents go for 50/50 ?

I'd have been disgusted with my DH if we had ever split and he had been happy with EOW. I hope that we both would have compromised to do whatever dd felt would suit her best, but surely the starting point for any normal parent is to want to see as much of their kids as possible?

@babyproblems

omg why wouldn’t your husband be able to manage the kids medical appointments?

and also not every single meal has to be homemade you know

We asked the kids what they wanted. They chose 50/50 as they wanted to spend equal time with each parent. Their choice. They're late teens now and still do the same!

As demonstrated by this thread, many men are unwilling to work their job around their kids or pay for appropriate childcare. Its easier for them to leave mum to it and let her find flexible work. If the mums took the same attitude as those dads I dread to think what wild happen to the kids.

Some men are good dads and want 5050.
Some want 5050... until they have to change their lifestyle.
Some just cant be arsed.