When did 50/50 become so common?

[Luckylooloostar]

I have a SC and when contact was set up over 13 years ago it was really common to do EOW with maybe a night in the week. No mention of 50/50 ever. Really common among others too around that time.

but Iv noticed a trend over the last few years that seems to be when you split its now 50/50…

Do more men now want this so they don’t have to pay CMS?

Ever wonder why so many men are depressed.. my ex would hate not seeing his kids equally and having an equal parental role. The mark of a true man.
I actually feel sick at the thought of only seeing my kids EOW.

Anecdata do not equal evidence.

Just because a self-selected number of people on a message board share their experience, it does not make a statement true across the board, which is what you are attempting - and failing - to do.

Oh dear.

Yeah same here. Now DSD is older she just has a key and comes and goes as she pleases on top of agreed days she stays with us. I don't think she feels unstable.

It definitely can work if the parents work together to make sure it does. We live close by as well so its pretty easy.

I don't think DSD would prefer EOW as she chooses to stay with us sometimes even outside the "agreed" times. She is also really close to her little sister and I can't imagine them only seeing each other EOW.

I think it's so weird to criticise parents for doing 50/50 and stating its not fair on the child. Stay with your partner then if a traditional family is the gold standard. Otherwise we're all just doing our best.

Of course you don't have to defend him.

The fact remains that, if you can't conceive of the idea that men wouldn't want 50/50 for reasons other than money, it suggests that you are not used to seeing men who have close, loving relationships with their children and engage in lots of hands-on parenting.

If you were in a relationship with someone who was a really involved, equal parent, I don't think the "not having to pay CMS" argument would even occur to you. Especially as a true 50/50 arrangement would often be more expensive anyway.

Actually the only person I knew who did 50.50 was a really devoted dad who truly wanted the time with his son .However it became more complex as son got older and couldn't answer where he lived , what his address was .It did a bit of a number on the boy tbh and eventually they spent longer with the mum for more structure in their life .
I've also seen a couple of mums who have kids Mon to Fri and kid goes to dad's every weekend . That seems really unfair

Peoples experience is evidence. It’s real life. It happens. Sitting there and denying it doesn’t make it any less true.

Possibly @TealSapphire you should've stopped at your first sentence - "I don't know your circumstances". That is correct. You don't. YOU have an ex who is making excuses etc. that is YOUR situation, it is not everyone else's. DP has sorted it for flexible working, we are fully prepared to go 50/50 and DSS wants too as well - we are led by what he wishes to do. His mum refuses as her DP isn't comfortable with the increased involvement.
Don't tar everyone with the same myopic brush.

OP does your husband not want to see your SC more than EOW? Would you not like to have SC more often?

The young child in our family (not my child) loves being with her Mum & Dad 50/50. She would miss her dad terribly if she only saw him EOW. The arrangement was definitely not done to avoid the dad paying the Mum. The parents are grown up about the situation and both work full time.

She doesn't feel like she's been trudged from one house to another. She gets excited when it's time to go and loves both her parent's partners.

We had my DH's children twice a week and he paid money to their Mum so not EOW either.

We could go to a different forum and find reams of "evidence" of "people's experience" that CMS are anti-men, that child support is extortionate, and that the poor blokes shouldn't have to pay more than a fiver since she has to run a home either way.

That would be bullshit of course, but it passes your evidential tests.

Me too.

It must be hard for men to only see the children EOW if the Mum has remarried another man. The other man having more time with the children than the Dad.

You said you and your husband weren’t separated but if you were you wouldn’t want 50/50 I just misread what you put. Thanks for telling me what I can and can’t misread though, super useful! Should make it your job 🤩

Il add it to my CV😍

How is it making stuff up? There are literally forums dedicated to this stuff.

It doesn't make any of it true.

True for a minority maybe. But you knowing a handful of men who've done it doesn't mean that's the reason they all do it.

Just as me knowing no men who have done it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

SC is a teen now and more into hanging with mates/shopping/hobbies/job then coming here or even staying at her mums.

So you're claiming there are no forums, no Facebook groups, where feckless fathers bullshit and complain about these things?

I know these groups and their posts are horseshit, but they definitely meet your standards of "evidence" as per your posts.

Ok I haven't rtft but my reaction to 50/50 is, what about those of us at the end of our tether and considering separation due to the parenting historically being 95/5 mum/dad? I would hate it and my kids would hate it, as they've lived their whole lives with me as the default parent and their dad as a passenger. I've been putting off taking the leap for years as I don't want them living between two houses, never really a home. I'm not man-bashing or dad-bashing, that's the reality in my case.

Sadly nothing shocks me anymore at how low some women will set their bar.

@4610J I can't even imagine what that would feel like. My kids bring us so much happiness and they love hanging out with us equally. Kids need good regular male role models in their lives.
50/50 is definitely becoming more normal. School pickups are maybe 60/40 mums to dads. Modern generations of men are more connected to their kids generally.

This is crap. I work in family law and have seen multiple women withhold contact to protect their cms payment. the fathers who battle on regardless and waste thousands in legal fees because of an unreasonable mother are doing it because they love their children. i have seen women fabricate crimes to get legal aid funding too. i have never come across a father who has sought more contact to reduce cms payments. what a twisted way to view it.

Would be hard for me too. However if it was that hard for them to have another man seeing their kid more than they do then they can always step up and be real men and see their kids more than EOW.

We’re 50/50, and this will shock you even more, OP - we nest the children. The kids stay in the house the whole time and the ex and I spend half a week each with them and live with our respective partners the rest of the time. I get on well with my ex and despite his faults he’s an outstanding father. Although it didn’t work out between us I’m glad I had kids with him because he’s done his utmost (including financially) to ensure the kids are well loved and provided for, go to decent schools, and live in a nice house. It would have broken his heart to only see the kids every two weeks and I wouldn’t have done that to them either.

Surely there is no one right answer on this. We know some men love their kids, we know some are happy walking away. We know some our good dads, we know some are feckless idiots.

As a single woman who owns her own home I can think of three men who I have dated over the years who were very keen “on me” and wanted to move in who heavily implied that they weren’t able to help me out financially as much as they would like until they could sort out the kids and the huge sums they were paying to their ex’s. The inference being that once we were living together it would be their home too and they could have the kids to stay.

Do I think these women were paid huge sums? No. Do I think my home set up was more attractive than me? Yes. It is amazing the different lens you see people though when they start talking money and practicalities. There are a lot of incredibly practical men out there.