When did 50/50 become so common?

[Luckylooloostar]

I have a SC and when contact was set up over 13 years ago it was really common to do EOW with maybe a night in the week. No mention of 50/50 ever. Really common among others too around that time.

but Iv noticed a trend over the last few years that seems to be when you split its now 50/50…

Do more men now want this so they don’t have to pay CMS?

The proof is always when the child can choose. And then you see what they think; can be pretty damning

Im entitled to an opinion.

I do 50/50, it is what my son wanted, definitely not what I wanted, but he much prefers it. He has stuff at both houses, only has to swap over once a week. However I still get maintenance as my ex is a high earner, and we agreed it this way. We also only live 2 miles apart so I still get to see my son on his dad weeks for a dog walk, or an activity etc. so in my world it has worked well, my son came first, he didn't choose this life, he adores his dad and wants half his time with him.

This is true tbh. I've known several.

Ilk be honest I don't really get it.

Because everyone says CM is a pittance right and children cost £££ to bring up.

So why would someone choose the apparently more expensive option to get out of paying the pittance?

I'm entitled to question your opinion its a talk forum that's how it works

But it’s not about you, it’s about what’s best for the children. They have two parents and need them both equally

🙄

@OrlandointheWilderness I don't know your circumstances but when I hear about dads who want their kids more but can't due to their work it grinds my gears.

It's my ex's excuse that his work won't accommodate flexible working arrangements. Well tough for me, who also works. I HAVE to then pick up all the slack with drop off's, pick ups, school stuff and everything else. And if my workplace won't accommodate it then I have to find another job.

Right? I’m still allowed to say I would hate it and that I don’t think 50/50 is the best for the children. I think one home as base is a better option.

How sad that the OP assumes that fathers would only want 50/50 to get out of paying maintenance. Its says a lot about her DH and the kind of relationships that he has with his children.

To be fair to the OP, if my dc had a shit dad, I wouldn't be happy with 50/50 either.

My children haven’t gravitated to one home as teens. If anything they are closer to 50/50 than they were when younger, as they don’t need childcare.

It hasn’t been destabilising here

We had DSD 90/10 and never saw a single penny from her mother.

You can say what you like, yes.

I disagree, with actual experience of it. We’re not quite 50/50 but close to it, more so as the children get older. I don’t feel that less of a relationship with their other parent could ever be in their interests. That would obviously be different if he wasn’t a good dad.

@x2boys if that's what he wanted I would prefer that for him to the upheaval of back and forth. However I have prioritised my entire life and working arrangements around my kids/childcare whereas my ex hasn't so not sure how that would work. Luckily for me ds has always wanted to be with me. My ex sees him a lot. Works for everyone.

Nope. I don't know that.

I think no two situations are the same and people do things for a variety of reasons. These situations are never that simple.

My BIL would have given his right arm for a 50/50 split and had to take his ex to court to get fair access as ex used her control over the children to hurt him. My BIL is a stand up guy and very good father. He paid all his CMS as required and on time, totally reliable and has never let them down.

Whereas my DSis ex partner is the type who would anything to pay less in CMS, and has ducked and dived it for over a decade now. He took my DSis to court to get the access he wanted, which actually involved seeing the kids less than she was offering him. Her ex is the sort of person who should never be a parent and has done nothing but mentally scar his family.

It really doesn’t but I don’t feel the need to sit here and defend him to strangers on the internet 😂 Crack on thinking whatever you like.

But surely this is exactly the point - men who love their children feel the same. Honestly I would stay well clear of a man who happily does EOW with his existing children, it would tell me everything I need to know about his dedication and attitude to his children.

Are you unable to read the multiple posts confirming it’s true…

Like Iv already said men loved their kids back 10-20 years ago too. The default was still EOW.

To add from my perspective, my parents divorced when I was quite young and we had set days/evenings with Dad but lived with Mum full time and I liked that set up. I liked being at my Dad's house during the day but I was very happy having just one home, one bedroom, always knowing where I would be that night. However, as an adult I now know that was hard on my Mum as my Dad never had to organise a babysitter in his life and she was far more restricted. But I guess it would have been the exact same situation for her if they'd stayed together, we'd have been home 100% of nights.

I agree, and I think there has been an accelerated change in recent years. My eldest child is in year 6 and over the course of her time in primary school I have noticed a significant increase in the number of dads doing the school run, especially post-pandemic. When she started in 2017 the school gate was largely comprised of mums and grandparents, with the odd dad. Now I would say it's 30-40% dads. Locally to here, at least, a lot of men are working more flexibly post-pandemic and are significantly more involved with the daily logistics of parenting as a result.

Goady OP, though.

So you are not actually 50/50 and it’s only become that way as they got older. Right.

But that was because of women working less, earning less. That isn't (shouldn't be) the case now.

Men should no longer be the secondary parent. You're obviously weirdly happy with that and that's fine I suppose if you and your husband agree but spouting all this shite about people only doing it to get out of maintenance (which is apparently fuck all anyway) is bollocks.

I am sure there are some parents who do. But why would you in all honesty. It's much harder work actually looking after a child.

Equally there are some mothers who use their children as weapons and restrict access to ensure the highest level of maintenance, but you don't see people making threads about them.