When did 50/50 become so common?

[Luckylooloostar]

I have a SC and when contact was set up over 13 years ago it was really common to do EOW with maybe a night in the week. No mention of 50/50 ever. Really common among others too around that time.

but Iv noticed a trend over the last few years that seems to be when you split its now 50/50…

Do more men now want this so they don’t have to pay CMS?

I only know one person consistently doing 50:50 and they were both involved parents before, kids happy as they were close to both parents. The rest the one parent was busy/working/doing hobbies/ seeing their affair partner most of the time so didn’t even see the kids eow when they were a couple! However much they now have the kids they still prioritise other things and there’s not a lot of actual 1 to 1 time spent together. There’s a difference between ‘having the kids’ and actually wanting to look after them and be an invested parent and sometimes finances can be a factor in the first

"My observation has been that with kids who have a 50/50 situation, it is very common when they get to be teens they settle in one household more or less permanently and then just visit the other.

Sometimes they want the home where they can get away with more, or there is more conflict with one parent. But it's also very often because they get tired of moving between two households. It's not all that easy, emotionally speaking."

Exactly this. Because by the time they are teenagers they have more of a voice and people take more notice of what they actually want. As little children they just get told what's happening.

The wishes of the children should be the main consideration. I'm not saying 50/50 can't work but only if they're happy with it. I would never want it for mine. Ds manages to see plenty of his dad while still knowing that his base is with me.

Not to the degree women feel it no

I feel sorry for your step child in this case then

and we know that some women love to fleece men for all their money and use their kids as leverage 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

She shouldn't have to pay for his childcare though.

He wouldn't pay, they never do. That's why the official figures show the millions of child support debt is owed by men.

@Springcat I'm sorry you had this experience and I hope people pay attention to what you and others have said about the potential downsides of 50 50

Because there are a lot of shit fathers who put themselves first and are happy to see the kids EOW so that they can freely concentrateon living their own lives. Don't think I'd have much respect for a potential partner if he happily only had his child EOW .

I wonder how your husband feels. He’s clearly not too fussed about his kids because he’s happy with EOW for his older child.

I think the increase in 50-50 is simply a reflection of our times. Historically women worked fewer (if any) hours, so the default was majority care to mum. Times have changed and the family courts have finally caught up.

I don’t understand the relevance of the child support payments though. Surely if you only have your child 50% of the time, you shouldn’t need additional money from the other parent? And the man doesn’t save himself any money, because he’s covering the costs during his 50%?

I think it's worth noting that there are multiple factors that can make 50/50 successful or not. The personality of the child is important. If they struggle with change or need strict routines then it probably isn't going to work for them. Also how well the two parents are able to co-parent. Good communication and being able to maintain a friendly face towards each other for the kids makes a huge difference.

You would be amazed at the women who think this situation doesn't reflect on their new partner at all

I'd be interested in knowing what the proportion is of separated parents that go for 50/50. I don't think it's really common still. And there are lots of reasons for that, not least the cost of providing 2 properties.

And for all those on here saying that they absolutely know that their DH would want 50/50 - you don't know what would happen on divorce. So many formerly doting fathers are very happy to become EOW fathers on divorce. You can't predict that. For me, I was very surprised that my H was happy to become an absent father when we split up. I'd have never had said that. Divorce (and possibly a new relationship) makes previously lovely husbands and fathers become utterly crap dads in many cases.

it is just coming in line with gender equality, years ago it would have been frowned upon for a man to take on caring responsibilities and for women to be the main earner.

Thankfully those stereotypes are lifting and it is becoming more acceptable for 50:50 responsibilities.

Would you also be happy with him having his base at his Dads and seeing plenty of you ?
My sister and her ex split when their kids were 16 and 18 it was during Covid so the older one delayed going university for a year and made his base with my sister and still stays with his mum for most of the time when home from university.
The younger one had just started college and made his base with his dad .And he also still.lived with his Dad .

It’s more common but not the norm ( I deal with divorces daily ) , and it’s a mix of men not wanting to pay maintenance and some wanting to be more involved . You can spot one or the other a mile away . The ones that do it for their child’s sake and because they want to be involved are normally the ones doing things correctly , no antagonising of the ex , previously involved in other the child etc . The second category are the ones who normally drop the children with their parents most if the time , will fight tooth and nail even if it doesn’t benefit the child at all and normally all they care is that they don’t need to pay anything . Unfortunately we still see a lot of those

I would have hated 50/50 as a child. Do children really prefer it?

The more i read theses threads it seems like its more about the money and not about the children.

Not really. The parents do and little kids have to do what parents want.

Times have changed, but I am 33 and my parents did 50/50 when they split in the 90s. Even when we eventually decided to just live at one house as teens my dad used to come and see us nearly every day.
Where there's a will there's a way, I never buy it when dads (or mums) say they can't have their kids 50/50 because of XYZ.

No, she shouldn't. I've said that twice. I've said let him claim UC if he's a low earner. Did you miss it?

If you don't give him a chance how do you know?

"They never do" have you met them all and inspected all their finances then?

I agree with this. I know many men that have 50/50 because they want to see their children as much as possible, because they love them not because of money. Not to say some men will do it to pay less CMS. The same I know a couple of women who do not allow 50/50 because they want more money and control!

Your assumption is very sexist and wrong.

You are right I don’t have the current number but I can tell you that a large proportion as much as 30% of dads that get a second families stop contact with previous children so the 50/50 is far from being the norm . Mums are still in the majority the resident parents .

My DH would insist on 50/50, he actually just stayed over at a friend who only see his daughter EOW and he got quite upset at the idea.

Where I live it doesn't necessarily mean that he wouldn't have to pay. I'd probably be paying him since I am the higher earner, even with 50/50.

DH works in a factory on a shift system, but there is a father there that does modified shifts because he has his kid fulltime. And his employer is not exactly flexible or very forward thinking. If it's possible there...

In my house, it was the divorce that hurt our dc. We don't do 50:50. Ex has two set days and up to two extra days he either picks dc from school/ club or take them to breakfast and then school.

He has never taken them overnight. He just wants to share 4 meals a week with them.

The divorce made them closer as he never spent this amount of time with the children before divorce. He called cm on himself and asked them for help as he couldn't decide what the dc needed from him financially.

Surely that goes out ways why is the mother the default parent ?
If you are saying men are doing it to get out of paying CMS
Are women not doing the same ?

But who is it the best set up for really? My two friends used to have to trudge between their mum and dad’s places (week on week off) and they always complained about it. It seems like 50/50 is more for the parent’s benefit than the child. The child needs a stable ‘base’ home and then a loving other parent who sees them regularly and they have over nights with.