When did 50/50 become so common?

[Luckylooloostar]

I have a SC and when contact was set up over 13 years ago it was really common to do EOW with maybe a night in the week. No mention of 50/50 ever. Really common among others too around that time.

but Iv noticed a trend over the last few years that seems to be when you split its now 50/50…

Do more men now want this so they don’t have to pay CMS?

Thank you. Someone speaking sense. Again- of course dad bonds with baby obviously- I’m just saying the mother baby bond is there from pregnancy. Gosh people trying to find any way to argue for the sake of it 🙄

Quite - and how refreshing this is the first post

'These men don't actually parent their child'.... according to who? The cameras people have on the walls in their homes?
Their ex wife who doesn't especially like them-otherwise they wouldn't presumably be an ex? How do you actually know what 'these men' are doing in their own homes with their own kids?

Occasionally we let dss have a domino's and he gets screen time after homework usually every night he's with us. We might also watch a bit of TV together in the week. There isn't much time for anything else. So I suppose Dh is one of 'these men' that don't do enough 'parenting'. DS does exactly the same at his mums and my kids did the same with me when they were little, as I suspect goes on in most homes most nights. But if it's a dad buying the kids a pizza he shouldn't see them more than one night a week?

It's such an old and hackneyed narrative and I despair of it.

Unless the dad is an exceptionally high earner then yes it does. At least get your facts right.

More work flexibility and WFH I suspect.

@HoneyWogan yes I agree with you

I'm not a fan of 50 50 as I don't think it offers stability to children, but i wouldn't say the alternative is always for Mum to be primary carer

Exactly. People like to be idiots for no reason…. It’s bloody obvious.

"hackneyed" doesn't mean always untrue though and there are plenty on here who can speak to this. Technically 50/50 overnights but all the legwork is done by one parent.
Also, I didn't bond with my babies in the womb. It was a lovely time but I didn't feel connected to them nor when they were first born. I got you know them as my now ex did as they grew. I see no reason you assume some biological superiority in female parenting.

Tbh if you have a stable ex then it can work. The issue is when they aren't and the children hate it: the court don't seem great at seeing the difference and a lot of damage can be done.

My ex got 50:50 but only has one of them two days a month and hasn't seen the other since 2017 ... but sends the court order to CMS every time I try to get him to pay.

You did the exact same thing to me up thread with non existent kids my ex supposedly left me with.

Just in case you were going for the moral high ground here.

Sorry-so for 9 months the mother is bonded to the baby when the dad isn't as you allege. So therefore for the rest of the child's life the mother is better bonded and better able to look after the child and should therefore have more time with them in the event of a split no matter what the circumstances? That's your argument?

I see.

Dads are fucked then aren't they? No matter how great a parent they are. No matter if the mum is awful. No matter if they have been the primary care giver. As they didn't carry the kid, they have no right to want to see it as much as the mum. They may as well give up from the get go.

Just out of interest What happens when parents that have adopted split up, in your scenario?

I'm pretty sure I'm not an idiot thanks-but I would suggest that people that can't accept the possibility that kids can have parents that love them and look after them equally no matter which gender they are might be.

It's not common. It's just something people say on here.

What is far more common, is mothers, desperately trying to get the fathers of their children to either step up or pay up.

Oh wow. It's not often someone admits they'll punish their ex for leaving using their children.

Have you actually heard what you're saying?

This thread is awful. If men want 50/50 they're wankers. If they don't they're wankers.

What exactly is it they're supposed to do? Get on their knees and beg for whatever access mum wants to give them, whilst simultaneously handing over their entire wage, but somehow being able to afford a big enough house to have said kids overnight when it suits mum?

Id hate to be a man, genuinely. We do hold all the cards as women when it comes to children. Seems some of us are fairer than others.

So why should they pay for childcare on his time?

Why should the children be destabilised because of the other parent?

My daughters father developed a drug problem after he left should I have let her go stay in a filthy flat full of used needles "to be fair"

Sadly this is very common.

Get a variation of the court order then claim

Some men and women can do 50/50. A lot can't.

Many people split because the woman perceives she is doing it all or most of the childcare. Men can be very good at ignoring that until it suits them not to, ie money terms.

They're going to be "destabilised" whatever is agreed because it's a change. As a parent you do your best to help them through it you don't use them as a weapon.

She shouldnt pay for his childcare but she's not actually given him a chance to look at it she's declared he can't afford it. Maybe he could get the 80% UC.

No obviously not but unless you share an ex husband with that poster I'm not sure how that's relevant?

@Theunamedcat there is zero chance of me ever going back to the abusive shitshow that is the family court. Ex works part time on minimum wage so it's not worth the fight.

It's time and money isn't it.

Or in many cases when they get back to court dad will argue xyz why he couldn't but he loves his kids so much so appeals to keep 50/50 in place and it's granted.

@Chocolatebuttonns

I'm not punishing him. But he's a grown man who announced he didn't want a full time family life so I'll be damned that my children lives are disrupted (and I lose time with them) because he's a selfish wanker who at 45 decided family life was too hard 3 kids in.

I offered to work through whatever he was going through he refused.

And why should I work hard - £2k a month which goes in childcare fees and then not see them 50% and effectively "give" him £1k a month by paying for his days.

No thanks

I'm on EOW, no nights in between.
When I'm dating, most men seem to be 50/50 or at least close to that. I'm the outlier (I'm a woman)

Oh right is that what he said then he actively was leaving the kids and not just you? But wanted 50/50? Makes sense.

You are punishing him.

Nobody's saying you should pay for his childcare. Why not let him claim UC if you don't for it?

Because he didn't want to work out a relationship with you shouldn't mean he sees his kids less.

My marriage ended 15 years ago and my ex who was a good hands on dad wanted 50/50. On his contact he'd take my son to loads of sports clubs, to visit grandparents abroad, to the beach, park, bowling etc. He attended every school event. He wanted the time because he loved being with his son.