For a billion quid tax free would you...

[LindaHamilton]

Just some funny escapism we played at work today, please don't take this thread seriously or go pc on me, it's just fun... You can say yes to them all or individually give a yes/no and why.

`1. Go on Jeremy Kyle with your family (no kids under 18), it's all scripted but it's utter humiliation and you can never tell any1 it was all fake. It's going to be really dramatic and memorable. So think really humiliating stuff like you and your mum are fighting over a 17 year old lover and you and your mum/sister having to be restrained in a physical fight...

2... Organise a massive family gathering (no kids allowed) with all your friends for a birthday and humiliate yourself...think dancing on floor and doing Britney by wearing a short skirt and nothing under and flashing your boobs, trying it on with all the men there, trying to do dirty dancing on the floor and so on totally disgracing yourself. If anybody tries to stop you then you make a huge Eastenders style scene. Again utter humiliation and you can never tell anybody except your husband/partner it was for money.

3... Do a porno.

4.. Spend 3 years in jail.

5...Move to USA with your partner and kids/grandkids and never being allowed anymore contact with parents/siblings/friends ever again. You can say goodbye to them but no contact ever again.

6...Not be allowed to see your kids for 1 year, they are well looked after but 0 contact for a year.

7... Write a really homophobic/racist/misogyny/ misandry /anti semitic and so on status on social media and never being allowed to say you did it for the money.

re: 4) I quite fancied prison for a while for a break from life. DD1 had a mental breakdown following trauma and was refusing school/self-harming/suicidal/anorexic.

The school attendance officer threatened me with prison at one point telling me if DD missed any more school she would take me to court and would ask for a custodial sentence.

I've since learned she didn't have the power to do that anyway but my reply to her was along the lines of, "I have two full-time jobs, a suicidal teenager, an ex/co-parent whose only joy in life is to make my life as miserable possible, I can barely afford my rent and food, and you've just told me I can go somewhere where not only will someone else have to take responsibility for DD and deal with Ex-H, but someone will cook for me, clean for me and it's rent free and I have to go bed on time every night. Sign me the fuck up. When do I leave?"

The more I thought about it the more tempting a short break in a nice, warm prison where I would be fed three times a day and get to sleep every night became.

I would like to say yes to the first four but no to the next three because the first four humiliate me but the next three hurt other people. But then ‘I would like to say’ would be very different to what I would do, which is almost certainly all seven. In fact outside of killing or severely hurting someone I cannot think of anything really I wouldn’t do for a billion.

This is simply drunken behaviour 😀

Several of these don't apply to me as I have no children and no living close relatives. I've got a DH though so wouldn't do the porno. I am perfectly happy to have a sexist rant about how shitty men can be though! In fact, I've done it for free on several occasions.

I’m enjoying the specific sub rules you have here OP, like 7 wouldn’t be big news but the Porno would be. Best way round obvs.

2 and 3 yes. My adult son lives away and I practically never see him anyway so it wouldn't make that much difference so 6 is possible. I wouldn't be able to do number 1 because I wouldn't be able not to to laugh at all and not a soul would believe any scenario like that. No 7, a bIt of misandry on FB, why not!

Think what amazing good you could do with all that money. Having a handful of people see something odd of you've said or done when you could benefit so many with well needed funds is arguably worthwhile

1 seems like the only one I’d do. Actually would find this one quite funny, esp if I didn’t then have to work because I have 1 billion.

Id do the jail time but I’d miss the kids!

The one i could least do is not see the kids at all for a year.

Hell yes.

With a billion pounds I could bury the bad stuff and change my identity
I have no parents/siblings/friends.

Jeremy Kyle? Yep.

My kids would be totally up for not seeing me for a year if money was involved. Prison? I would do it.

Porno? Alcohol would have to be involved. But that's no big problem because I like alcohol 😎(not entirely sure why anyone would want to do a porno with me )

In UK you don’t send your kid off to school and pray they’ll come home and not get shot. I’ve lived in UK and in the US- can’t pay me enough to live in most areas of the US.

7 would be easy really. With a billion you'd immediately move, change your name get excellent plastic surgery.

I want the best plastic surgeon in the world with zero risk and zero pain. I'll have everything put back where it used to be.

I'm going to have a fireman's pole from my bedroom to my personal swimming pool which is kept at 30 degrees.

I'll also have another swimming pool for the rest of my family, but this one is mine.

Really i just want my own toilet. And an invisible chef.

Facebook status no, the work I do all of my friends would cut me off completely and I'd be struck off which even without a need to work would be humiliating
USA...yes definitely
Jail no
No contact with daughter no
Party maybe
Jeremy Kyle I'm not sure depends what the story was

I would do 2 and 3.

Some friends would argue that l’ve almost done No. 2 🥹. No money involved though.

For a billion?!

See ya!

I think i am meant to be poor 😂😂 i just couldn't.

I would shag all three for a billion 😳

Probably just the porno. I would only do Jeremy Kyle and the Facebook thing if I could explain to friends why I had done it, which I couldn’t so I wouldn’t. I have done the party thing more than once, and am not keen to go back there. Would never cut off from my family. If I didn’t have my DD I would go to jail, but I couldn’t leave her so no.

1. Go on Jeremy Kyle with your family
Yep.

2... Organise a massive family gathering (no kids allowed) with all your friends for a birthday and humiliate yourself
Haha, yes. No problem!

3... Do a porno.
DH would get upset about this, so unless he’s on board, no.

4.. Spend 3 years in jail.
No chance, unless I was guaranteed not to die.

5...Move to USA with your partner and kids/grandkids
I couldn’t cut my family off so this is unlikely. The moving bit would be fine.

6...Not be allowed to see your kids for 1 year, they are well looked after but 0 contact for a year.
Yes, I would do that.

7... Write a really homophobic/racist/misogyny/ misandry /anti semitic
No. This one I couldn’t do.

But Jade and Nik were on TV for weeks during Big Brother - not just a single 30 minute episode, and they both sought celebrity status afterwards by appearing on other shows.

How many other people from their seasons of Big Brother could you name without googling? Probably only the few who went on to have media careers afterwards.

I’m not sure why you’re taking all of this so personally over a fake scenario. You asked the question and I answered? I’ve given you a response based on my own personal view as well as my family’s experiences that live in America. Hence why I wouldn’t live in the US….

Enjoy your thread, take a deep fucking breath and have a great day!

Actually I think I’d do all of them except prison.
Reason I wouldn’t fancy prison is that I’m older and would worry that I’d spend 3 years locked up only to maybe die quite soon afterwards.
If I was younger then it wouldn’t seem so bad.

Can I take my kids to prison with me? If so, yep, fine.

Would never cut off my family so that one's a no and couldn't not see my kids.

Shagging Boris? Yeah, I'd like to actually. Want to see what the fuss is all about with him 😂

"DH would get upset about this"

Mate, he'd be shoving you out of the door for a billion quid 😂

I'd do them all. 1 billion I can change who I am and go live on an island and never see any other humans again! I don't care what people think of me as long as I am inherently good. If it was number 7 whoever I slandered I would donate a chunk to a charity linked to that slandering to make it better!

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. Yes
4. No
5. No
6. Yes
7. Yes

I would absolutely pimp DH out for a billion and would be disappointed in him if he didn’t do the same for me 😂