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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For a billion quid tax free would you...

187 replies

LindaHamilton · 27/02/2024 20:04

Just some funny escapism we played at work today, please don't take this thread seriously or go pc on me, it's just fun... You can say yes to them all or individually give a yes/no and why.

`1. Go on Jeremy Kyle with your family (no kids under 18), it's all scripted but it's utter humiliation and you can never tell any1 it was all fake. It's going to be really dramatic and memorable. So think really humiliating stuff like you and your mum are fighting over a 17 year old lover and you and your mum/sister having to be restrained in a physical fight...

2... Organise a massive family gathering (no kids allowed) with all your friends for a birthday and humiliate yourself...think dancing on floor and doing Britney by wearing a short skirt and nothing under and flashing your boobs, trying it on with all the men there, trying to do dirty dancing on the floor and so on totally disgracing yourself. If anybody tries to stop you then you make a huge Eastenders style scene. Again utter humiliation and you can never tell anybody except your husband/partner it was for money.

3... Do a porno.

4.. Spend 3 years in jail.

5...Move to USA with your partner and kids/grandkids and never being allowed anymore contact with parents/siblings/friends ever again. You can say goodbye to them but no contact ever again.

6...Not be allowed to see your kids for 1 year, they are well looked after but 0 contact for a year.

7... Write a really homophobic/racist/misogyny/ misandry /anti semitic and so on status on social media and never being allowed to say you did it for the money.

OP posts:
Original poster
LindaHamilton · 27/02/2024 22:52

minou123 · 27/02/2024 22:50

I've got another one

For a billion quid, would you change your name permanently, forever and ever, to Mrs/Ms Fanny Bush?

You can never change your name back.

It's a no brainer. It's worth less than a billion, I'd do that for 50k.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 27/02/2024 22:55

I wouldn't spend three years in jail. Three years without my family and my cats?

No way.

USA - mmm maybe. My kids would hate America though. My mum would be upset. Not really worth it.

All the others no.

Original poster
LindaHamilton · 27/02/2024 22:56

LindaHamilton · 27/02/2024 22:52

It's a no brainer. It's worth less than a billion, I'd do that for 50k.

Show quote history

People would laugh but get over it after 5 seconds. I worked with a woman called Sue Whore(pronounced whore). After a small giggle you forgot all about it, she was a teacher too and the kids got over it. I also know a family with the surname Fanny. Again after a giggle at 15 I got over it. I know 2 families called Cuntapay.

OP posts:
Gotsomedebt · 27/02/2024 22:58

I'd do all apart from leave my kid for a year or go to jail.

Both those involve leaving my kid. Wouldn't do it. Not for all the money in the world. But the other choices? Totally.

BarbieDangerous · 27/02/2024 22:58

LindaHamilton · 27/02/2024 22:47

With 7 if there was a fallout between you and everybody you'd have a billion so could just move on and start somewhere else. It would highly unlikely be big news, just more so to the people you knew. Police might get involved though because of the slurs.

Show quote history

Yep I’m fine with all of that. I’d prefer that than not seeing my kids for a year😆

Whiskeyandkittens · 27/02/2024 23:00

1 - Yes

2 - Yes
3 - was considering until I knew it was Danny DeVito! I don't think I could, sorry Danny....

4 - No. I might be able to cope with a year but not 3.
5 -Yes.
6 - I don't have kids so it probably wouldn't count!
7 - No, this one would actually be the worst for me I think!

Original poster
LindaHamilton · 27/02/2024 23:08

I don't get all the people saying they'd hate America. You'd swear it was the South Pole or Syria. If you had a billion USA be a brilliant country to be in and would offer a much better quality of life than the UK so I'm struggling to see the problem here and it's not like the UK is spoken well off on MN... Most people say they hate it.

The American one was put in with the task that you'd never see a lot of family and friends ever again. I'm surprised more people seem fixated on the bad thing is having to Live in USA...

OP posts:
BarbieDangerous · 27/02/2024 23:28

I don't get all the people saying they'd hate America.

Well I’m Black, so there’s that! I don’t quite fancy getting potentially gunned down by the police for no reason whatsoever. Or having neighbours question whether I live in the building and getting the police to gun me down anyway!

I’d prefer to stay in SW London😆

Original poster
LindaHamilton · 27/02/2024 23:33

BarbieDangerous · 27/02/2024 23:28

I don't get all the people saying they'd hate America.

Well I’m Black, so there’s that! I don’t quite fancy getting potentially gunned down by the police for no reason whatsoever. Or having neighbours question whether I live in the building and getting the police to gun me down anyway!

I’d prefer to stay in SW London😆

ok so 42 million black people in USA and considering the tiny tiny minority that happened to, I'd say your Chances of getting gunned down are extremely slim as in winning the lotto slim... More Chance of getting knifed or aid attached here.

OP posts:
BarbieDangerous · 27/02/2024 23:46

LindaHamilton · 27/02/2024 23:33

ok so 42 million black people in USA and considering the tiny tiny minority that happened to, I'd say your Chances of getting gunned down are extremely slim as in winning the lotto slim... More Chance of getting knifed or aid attached here.

Show quote history

The Black community doesn’t look at it as a tiny tiny minority. It very much is the reality for a LOT of people day in, day out. I rather take the risk of getting knifed in Stockwell.

Heck it doesn’t even matter because these are all fake scenarios about fake money😂

IHateLegDay · 27/02/2024 23:48

The only one I'd consider is the porno tbh 😂 does it have to be full sex or could I give a blow job in some lingerie?

PTSDBarbiegirl · 27/02/2024 23:59

3 & 6 easily.

Original poster
LindaHamilton · 27/02/2024 23:59

BarbieDangerous · 27/02/2024 23:46

The Black community doesn’t look at it as a tiny tiny minority. It very much is the reality for a LOT of people day in, day out. I rather take the risk of getting knifed in Stockwell.

Heck it doesn’t even matter because these are all fake scenarios about fake money😂

Show quote history

no it isn't a reality day in day out in America. A handful of such Cases happened so yes it is a tiny tiny minority in a country with tens of millions of black people. Again your logic is like looking at EuroMillions winners in the UK and saying it happens a lot-it doesn't. And I say that as a black person myself and no we don't think America is a prime spot for getting shot just because we are black by the police.

OP posts:
Teasie123 · 28/02/2024 00:00

Yes yes and YES to all!!!🤣🤣🤣🤭🤭🤭

Illbebythesea · 28/02/2024 00:02

Do you know what OP, I would have said there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for a billion… but you really have compiled a list of things that are truly horrific.

I would definitely end up choosing one though… probably 7.

jm9138 · 28/02/2024 00:07

Is this a weird reverse OP and you have actually done all these? 😃

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 28/02/2024 00:08
  1. Yes
  2. Yes
  3. Yes - no one would want to watch my

fat amd saggy naked body.

  1. No because 3 years without me would completely fuck up my kids lives.
  2. Not unless it's after my Mum dies, she has no one else. Since Im a single Mum could I take.my Mum instead of a partner?
  3. No because of my kids
  4. Maybe, but only because no one ever reads things I post.
edit. to try and fix the numbers and other weird formatting but it keeps changing back.
Firawla · 28/02/2024 00:08

No to the jail and the cutting contact with people and leaving my kids for a year
the other stuff yes

Original poster
LindaHamilton · 28/02/2024 00:11

Illbebythesea · 28/02/2024 00:02

Do you know what OP, I would have said there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for a billion… but you really have compiled a list of things that are truly horrific.

I would definitely end up choosing one though… probably 7.

I have worse ones but I was afraid MN would bring them down. 1 asked today was would you suck off a horse, try to seduce your mother/father/sibling and would you do a threesum with a man and your mum or lay in the same bed with your parents when they had sex and talk normally to them looking at them ....

OP posts:
iwafs · 28/02/2024 00:16

`1. Go on Jeremy Kyle with your family

Yes

2... Organise a massive family gathering (no kids allowed) with all your friends for a birthday and humiliate yourself

Yes

3... Do a porno.

Yes as long as I wasn't at risk of getting an STD

4.. Spend 3 years in jail.

No

5...Move to USA with your partner and kids/grandkids and never being allowed anymore contact with parents/siblings/friends ever again. You can say goodbye to them but no contact ever again.

No

6...Not be allowed to see your kids for 1 year, they are well looked after but 0 contact for a year.

No

7... Write a really homophobic/racist/misogyny/ misandry /anti semitic and so on status on social media and never being allowed to say you did it for the money.

No

Frequency · 28/02/2024 00:17
  1. Yes
  2. Yes
  3. Yes
  4. Yes
  5. No
  6. No
  7. Yes - I'm not on social media besides MN so no one would see it anyway. I don't have FB, Insta, Snapchat, etc. I would create one and write a disturbing comment for 1 billion. I'd do it for £50 to be fair but with no followers/friends would it get any traction?
SocksAndTheCity · 28/02/2024 00:23

I don't have any insider knowledge, but I doubt having sex with the three delights above would take a full night. You could probably get them all done and on their way inside forty minutes and still have time for a shower and a brew between each.

I'd shag any or all of them for a few K on condition that they were not allowed to speak Grin

Original poster
LindaHamilton · 28/02/2024 00:24

Frequency · 28/02/2024 00:17

  1. Yes
  2. Yes
  3. Yes
  4. Yes
  5. No
  6. No
  7. Yes - I'm not on social media besides MN so no one would see it anyway. I don't have FB, Insta, Snapchat, etc. I would create one and write a disturbing comment for 1 billion. I'd do it for £50 to be fair but with no followers/friends would it get any traction?

For number 7 it has to be an account with your name, photos of you and you have to be friends/Connected to as many people you know online as you an.

OP posts:
NCforthis47 · 28/02/2024 00:26

LindaHamilton · 27/02/2024 20:04

Just some funny escapism we played at work today, please don't take this thread seriously or go pc on me, it's just fun... You can say yes to them all or individually give a yes/no and why.

`1. Go on Jeremy Kyle with your family (no kids under 18), it's all scripted but it's utter humiliation and you can never tell any1 it was all fake. It's going to be really dramatic and memorable. So think really humiliating stuff like you and your mum are fighting over a 17 year old lover and you and your mum/sister having to be restrained in a physical fight...

2... Organise a massive family gathering (no kids allowed) with all your friends for a birthday and humiliate yourself...think dancing on floor and doing Britney by wearing a short skirt and nothing under and flashing your boobs, trying it on with all the men there, trying to do dirty dancing on the floor and so on totally disgracing yourself. If anybody tries to stop you then you make a huge Eastenders style scene. Again utter humiliation and you can never tell anybody except your husband/partner it was for money.

3... Do a porno.

4.. Spend 3 years in jail.

5...Move to USA with your partner and kids/grandkids and never being allowed anymore contact with parents/siblings/friends ever again. You can say goodbye to them but no contact ever again.

6...Not be allowed to see your kids for 1 year, they are well looked after but 0 contact for a year.

7... Write a really homophobic/racist/misogyny/ misandry /anti semitic and so on status on social media and never being allowed to say you did it for the money.

  1. Yes, none of my friends watch JK anyway so hopefully no one would see.
  2. Yes, absolutely.
  3. Yes, absolutely.
  4. Yes
  5. Maybe, my family is quite small.
  6. No. If they were teenagers or older, maybe!
  7. Yes
theduchessofspork · 28/02/2024 00:27

`1. yeah, no one I know watches it and if they did would think I was taking the piss even if I wasn’t allowed to say so, especially as I am a terrible actress. Also who cares? Also, isn’t he cancelled?

2... Sure. Have done far worse

3... Why not?

4.. As long as it’s not in Lima this sounds quite restful so yes.

5...Nah, couldn’t do that.

6...Sure, see 4. And they’d be grand, especially when they knew the cash coming around the corner.

7... misandrist.. at a push. I think I could pass that off as a fleeting moment of rage without needing to actually explain it. The rest, no.