Affair and left penniless

[Newchapterbeckons]

Please advise. My sister is with me now, her partner of 20 years has just left her and the children for another woman.

They live in a house jointly owned, but my sister has no other assets or savings, she hasn’t worked for nearly two decades as she supported him and raised their dc. Four children aged 13-19.

He has moved out, and has put the house on the market, she is shell shocked and inconsolable. What happens now? He has threatened to cut her off and stop paying for food, petrol and bills. Can he do that?

We had no idea he controlled all of the money in this way. She is devastated. What can I do to support her?

She has no money for legal advice, but has had the free hour.

For 15 years we have asked her to get married for this very reason, and he refused. Can anyone advise what she can do.

The rate she is going, she'll end up dealing with more than SS's if she continues to harass the other women.

I was going to say she’d be entitled to half of the flat the horrible bastard bought for himself as it’s an asset but if they’re not married, that may not be the case. She’d need a lawyer to look into whether it can be proven that the money she gave to him from selling her flat was used to buy his current flat?

Something to look into after she’s sorted out going to GP to get a sick note, informing DC’s school of family situation, putting in claims for UC and child maintenance, getting Child benefit moved into her name and informing the mortgage company of her situation so they can put a payment holiday in place. That can all be done today if she has someone sitting with her doing it.

Also checking what payments are going to come out of bank account so she can get them stopped until she has money. She needs her own back account for money to go into too if she doesn’t have one already.

Terribly hard on you OP but sadly this is an extreme situation where your sister is going to need a lot of support for the next few months.

Do you have any other family who can help out in the short term with DC and finances?

Hopefully your sister will come out the other side a lot happier and more independent now she’s got shot of the scumbag who’s obviously been treating her terribly for a long while.

What kind of a man leaves his DC with no money for food? I’d be contacting him and telling him what I thought of him tbh.

Stolen? She chloroformed and butterfly netted him? She knew he was partnered with kids? He didn't know that?

They're in this situation because of his choices, not hers. It was his partner, his kids, his responsibility...and she certainly had nothing to do with the dirty financial handling he's been doing on her for years. And now she's wasting what little energy she has on the completely wrong target because even if she does scare the OW off, she's still in the same situation - because this is his doing.

It's worse than useless blaming the OW here. It's a waste of precious energy that she won't use productively until she realises he and only he landed her in this shit.

Once she becomes stronger and more on her feet, self employment by starting a business doing knits, baking, catering events etc

I doubt a woman who pursued a 1950's wife style life would be anywhere near savvy enough to run her own business, no matter how many cakes she's baked or vegetables she's grown.

She needs to get proper benefits advice whilst the house is being sold. Home owners do get benefits. She could try CAB or there is also the ' What am I entitled to; site.

She is a victim of a financial abuser, who clearly gives no one shit about his own children. She should see if she can access any free counselling support as well as get MH support from her GP. Thisman will have been making her feel incapable for decades. She needs support to get herself back together. THere are employment support schemes who help people like your sister who have been unemployed for a long time ( economically inactive is how your sister is termed). These schemes are well used to helping people slowly build confidence and she will get an individual mentor to support and encourage her to build skills and confidence. Some of these schemes are really excellent - the Into Work team at the council should be able to put her in touch with them. Or the job centre. When she is able, she would be well advised to contact these.

When she is able to get a job, UC is quite generous in topping things up from people I know in RL.

On the plus side, for the first time in her life she is actually going to have her own money.

Don't say it now or he might change tack but later on if he keeps this BS up I'd point out he left his kids with her so he's either a negligent parent or a liar. He's also the sort of vengeful arsehole who's prepared to leave their kids without money for food or a secure roof over their head, tells anyone all they need to know about what kind of 'man' he is.

Your sister needs to get legal help she will get legal aid . This way the solicitors make sure they are in receipt of the money from the house sale and it’s split fairly. If he is on control then she may well have to fight for her half .

Claim universal credit ASAP and child maintenance .

Just wanted to say what an amazing sister you are op. You are getting some great advice here - please also take care of yourself in all this, you have a job and a family yourself too.

OP, when she goes to the GP do make sure they give her vouchers for the food bank.

The children's schools may have a hardship find for transport and they should get free school meals.

The eldest can apply to their University hardship fund for financial help.

She won't get legal aid. Why do you think she will?

She does have a choice unfortunately and that might be to opt out of the whole thing altogether if too much extra pressure is applied. GP first call.

Your poor sister (and poor you!). The two most important things that strike me from reading all of your posts is that she definitely needs to see a GP as she's suicidal and totally unfit for work. The other very important thing is for her to stop contacting the other woman or she'll end up being charged for harassment.

Your sister needs to get legal help she will get legal aid

Completely wrong. She won't get legal aid

Get online now and put a CHILD MAINTENANCE CLAIM in against that asshole

THANK YOU SO MUCH

Your are an amazing human doing this for your sister and children

Universal credit and child benefit also

Contact the council as she gets a single person discount

They can give her an emergency loan too from their fund

You could contact a charity supporting women who have experienced economic abuse. ‘Surviving economic abuse’ charity has a financial support line.

https://survivingeconomicabuse.org/what-we-do/financial-support-line/

You could also try Women’s Aid who might offer practical support and advice.

Sending you and your sister strength and solidarity. You will get through this xxx

Have you done a child benefit claim by phone? https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/hm-revenue-customs/contact/child-benefit

That is the first priority. I'd also consider reporting him for fraud if he is claiming this money while the children are not living with him.

If she doesnt stop texting the OW she's giving him evidence to take the children. Delete the OWs number from her phone.

Next step is ask school for free school meals for the children and a referral to the food bank.

Then the Uc claim.

Then apply for council tax reduction https://www.gov.uk/apply-council-tax-reduction

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service/how-to-apply

She needs help from the gp and legal aid to sue this bastard. This has been financial abuse.

It looks like you should be able to find the lender via this.
The Find property information (FPI) service allows citizens to download a summary of information about a property including the address, title number, current owner’s name and address, what they paid for the property, whether it is freehold or leasehold, if there is a mortgage on the property and the lender’s contact details
https://hmlandregistry.blog.gov.uk/2018/03/05/find-property-information-the-easy-way/

Men... discusting. Makes you wonder if he was ever any good to Dh this to his own family. Even if he really wanted to leave, a real man would see his kids right and mother to his kids & make sure they were in no hard ship. Absolutely vile. Please ring women's aid. She will get on the council xxx

His flat is currently vacant until Easter… and it’s probably full of furniture and other items that he bought with ‘misallocated’ money.

It would be an awful shame if someone drilled the locks whilst he was away and sold his stuff - at a car boot, for instance - for cash that would help them through a tight financial situation.

The police have such a poor record on clearing up domestic burglaries, they’ll often just issue a crime number and not even investigate. It would be a crying shame if anything like that were to happen.

Do not do any of this.

This is true!

I woukd also take her to the doctors for counselling and/or medication to help her depression short term. This is what a friend of mine needed just in the short term while she came to terms with things. Also, everything will be overwhelming and she should only focus on one thing at a time, break it down into pieces. Call the mortgage company and the utilities and ask for reduced payments.

In her shoes I would swallow my pride and play nice. I wouldn’t contest the sale of
of the house and I would let him know I would keep the place warm tidy and looking good but explain that unless he helps out in the short term with expenses and mortgage payments and then after that with reasonable support until the house is sold with at least half the payment then we would both find ourselves in default and at risk of losing it. He doesn’t want that either. The only alternative is he takes the kids and she bunks up with a family member. What a shit bag

OP
Sis needs legal advice and getting a job.
Take it from there
Cheaters are deceitful and nasty and this OH of your sister has proven this.
Good luck.