Affair and left penniless

[Newchapterbeckons]

Please advise. My sister is with me now, her partner of 20 years has just left her and the children for another woman.

They live in a house jointly owned, but my sister has no other assets or savings, she hasn’t worked for nearly two decades as she supported him and raised their dc. Four children aged 13-19.

He has moved out, and has put the house on the market, she is shell shocked and inconsolable. What happens now? He has threatened to cut her off and stop paying for food, petrol and bills. Can he do that?

We had no idea he controlled all of the money in this way. She is devastated. What can I do to support her?

She has no money for legal advice, but has had the free hour.

For 15 years we have asked her to get married for this very reason, and he refused. Can anyone advise what she can do.

She needs help from Women's Aid too re: financial abuse. I know that divorces these days are supposed to be no fault but there is leeway for a greater share of the house sale division if abuse of any description is apparent.

The texting of the other woman is totally not on. Yes, her partner is a shit, but she is behaving like a hysterical imbecile. She needs to remember that this is not all about her, after all she is a parent and those kids need a stable influence (and currently she is not it). Thank heck they have a good aunty.

Yes, but it's the whole depending on timescales what her partner has done with her property and signing it over to himself. Not sure if/what OP can prove for her sister though there.

It s about the here and now snd d c who need her to step up
Today next week
One day at a time
Get fed and washed and feed the dc and get them to school
Claim uc
Put on a brave face

If she needs m h help access it and step up family support for dc

Financial abuse is churned out here too easily. This absolutely may be financial abuse, but it maybe she didn’t wish to know anything about money, and willingly let him manage it. She just wanted everything paid for.

Financial abuse is depriving someone of their assets and preventing them working. The buying a flat could and likely does fall into the former, but she’d have to prove she had no idea and he lied. It would be his word against hers. And if he was also paying for her to have a good lifestyle and she didn’t wish to work, it will be a hard case, a very hard case for her to win.

much depends on did she want to work and he said no. Can she evidence he lied about the flat. Can she evidence he lied about the mortgage. She’s no legal right to know his salary and she is not entitled to his money, they are not married, and quite frankly even if she was, she’d still not be entitled.

it’s such a complex area. But it will not be made easier if she didn’t wish to get involved in finances and didn’t wish to work.

It should be relatively straightforward to transfer the CB payment as she is now solely responsible for the children and he has another address.
It should also be possible to transfer the NI credits even if she wasn’t the one receiving the CB. Here’s a link:

www.gov.uk/government/publications/national-insurance-credits-for-parents-and-carers-cf411a

The future her work etc is for few weeks time
Focus on now and today and tomorrow
How to feed kids and cat

I think you misread, he never signed any of her property over to himself? Where does the op say that? I’m not even sure how you could do that.

Tell her to sell any jewellery she has to get cash fast. There is a gold buyer in Hatton Garden which does deals by post and the cash is in your bank account on the day they receive the gold. Local food banks will help. TooGoodToGo and Olio apps are amazing too. Sending virtual hugs.

They need to get the land registry record which will say who owns what
It is simple to get online

Tell her to put her phone down from texting the other woman, potentially getting a harassment charge, and focus on her children. He's a bastard, but she sounds like she's being a passenger in her own life. Time to deal with reality.

There's always one. But on MN it is always this one. Totally tone deaf

Yes, they'd still force the sale as 50% of the house is his. She can't just expect to stay there because she wants to.
If it goes to court it'll just eat away at the value with legal fees etc, which won't help when she does pick herself up and wants to buy a new home.

With people like her ex it's best to do everything humanly possible to cut ties quickly - sell the house, get the money and then move forward.

Precisely, its actually quite so many of the posters are fixing on REVENGE! hang him high and one lovely 'burn him' rather than thinking there's 3 dc amongst all this who seem to be being neglected. You're concerned she has no food? Well neither do they.

Good point. Plus has the energy to text the other women

You can only pay pension contributions retrospectively for a state pension for the last 7 years. It's easy to check online if she has been awarded pension credits. You go onto the government website site and put in a few personal details plus her National Insurance number and set up (I think it's called) a government gateway account . It will show you any gaps plus her expected state pension aged 67.

So sorry your sister has been dealt such a shitty deal. Well done for stepping up and supporting her so completely. 🌷

I am actually speechless. What an absolute and utter prick.

How does he think his children are going to be looked after? When you spoke to him did you tell? He might not give a crap about your sister any more (sorry) but does he at least care about his children?

i think to say she won’t is as wrong then as me saying she will.
It’s based on circumstances /finances

Unless the sister ask the question and apply a then she won’t for sure but unless she try’s she will never know .

She cant eat or sleep but has managed to pull herself together enough for the mumsnet mythical ‘free hour’ of legal advice

Hmm.

She can make a police report, she isn’t trying to prove it beyond reasonable doubt just for the legal aid forms 😂

“Financial abuse is churned out here too easily. This absolutely may be financial abuse, but it maybe she didn’t wish to know anything about money, and willingly let him manage it. She just wanted everything paid for.

Financial abuse is depriving someone of their assets and preventing them working. The buying a flat could and likely does fall into the former, but she’d have to prove she had no idea and he lied. It would be his word against hers. And if he was also paying for her to have a good lifestyle and she didn’t wish to work, it will be a hard case, a very hard case for her to win.

much depends on did she want to work and he said no. Can she evidence he lied about the flat. Can she evidence he lied about the mortgage. She’s no legal right to know his salary and she is not entitled to his money, they are not married, and quite frankly even if she was, she’d still not be entitled.

it’s such a complex area. But it will not be made easier if she didn’t wish to get involved in finances and didn’t wish to work.”

This. It’s really hard to see your sister going through this but given the children’s ages (and no suggestion of additional needs), she could have gone back to work years ago instead of just pottering around at home. It sounds like her partner may have got tired of carrying her.

But she will have some excellent transferable skills from parenting and homemaking which she should be able to put to good use in a job. She needs to leave the other woman alone and start taking financial responsibility for herself and her family. Agree with meds to help get her on her feet.

You sound like an amazing sister. She is very lucky to have you.

Absolutely.

Also probably worth putting a Land Registry alert on so there is some notification if for example he tries to take out another mortgage on the house.

You can apply to have them transferred to your sister if they are in his name - I looked into this for my MIL a while ago as she was screwed over like this by her first husband.

https://www.gov.uk/national-insurance-credits#:~:text=You%20can%20transfer%20your%20credits,year%27%20for%20State%20Pension).

I'm sure - not exactly where, her flat was sold and he reinvested it in a new property which is in his name alone, not hers. Apols if I've misread this.

This contains some information about property

https://england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/legal/relationship_breakdown/housing_rights_of_cohabiting_joint_homeowners/preventing_a_joint_owner_selling_or_disposing_of_a_home