To get fed up when people put downer comments on lighthearted posts?

[Queenconsult]

Fully expecting those Debbie downers to get funny about this.

It happens so often on here, someone posts a semi light hearted post usually about things your husband has done that have annoyed you, straw that broke the camels back, things that gave you the ick or the family ones - what made you realize your childhood was a bit weird etc.

Most people get it’s a bit of fun then you always get the Debbie downers that put ‘I got the ick when he raped me after I came out of the shower’ or ‘I knew my childhood was not normal when I realised no one else slept naked with their grandparents’

key example is earlier on the DD made to hug her grandad post, of course on the first page there is someone telling their life story of the uncle who molested them, no one asked, no one cares, it’s also not relevant.

It’s just so unnecessary and a bit attention seeking tbh. It’s just annoying seeing some funny posts be hijacked by the depressing ones as people can’t read a room.

I think there are a lot of mumsnet users who have v little support/real life friends- and so the opinions you see expressed on here are often quite negative and polarising. The sample is very skewed. Very few people I know actually use mumsnet

I know that I tend to use it when I feel down. When I’m busy and socialising, I’m not on here!

I dont see the issue with Debbie Downer.
It's no different to Kevin the teenager, Billy no mates, or not my Nigel.
All used to instantly describe a type.

No, it really isn't normal.

And we don't want a safe space - total misuse of thar term. We want a fun space. And there's nothing wrong with that!

Given that OP hasn't claimed any right to police other people's reactions or responses, this totally misses the mark.

Why do you feel the need to defend/justify people trauma dumping on fun threads?

Do you do it?

LightSwerve are you deliberately missing the point just to wind people up. Of course I sympathise with those who have been through something awful. Do l want to hear about it on a thread about favorite childhood toys. No it's inappropriate. Why do they get to spread doom and despair at will. No one would pop on a thread about a sad bearvement for example to talk about mr frosty.

I agree OP, I have a lot of skeletons in my closet but I don’t insist on dragging them out when it’s clearly inappropriate.

In fact I find having a laugh to be very therapeutic and become irritated myself when somebody else does it.

And this will be one of those threads where the subject matter means nobody will dare put their head above the parapet to agree with you, they’ll vote instead because it’s anonymous.

I mean loads of posters on this thread have literally started their comment with “I agree with you op” so I’m not sure what you mean there!

I honestly think if you’re getting irritated with threads to the point that you start your own just to vent about other posters, then it’s time to step away and have a break.

On any SM platform you’ll always have people posting for a reaction, trolls, clumsy misjudged comments and people with opinions or attitudes offensive to you. That won’t change unfortunately.

Let’s remember that you’ll encounter a far higher number of people with mental health issues online than you’d encounter in your real life.

I don’t know what the answer is but I agree with posters pointing out that a “fun” thread can’t be enforced by other users.

I must admit I rarely see a thread completely de-railed by “doom merchants” it usually recovers itself.

It’s certainly not that bothersome to me if a jokey thread moaning about your partner has a sober comment from a grieving widow who wishes she still had her husband with her. Yeah it’s uncomfortable to read but understandable.

oh, yeah no one will dare!

<looks at thread and sees all the people who've dared>

Is Dyson Downer acceptable or Miele Misery? I often think that the children of some posters must live in very humourless homes where every little word is analysed to death.

I often think that MN is the Four Yorkshiremen for the 21st century, their problems, misery etc are always worse than anyone else's!

Those are all very valid, well-made points.

Best comeback I’ve read on here for a while!

It clearly is, given how much people say it happens.

If it happens 'all the time' then it is normal. Normal doesn't mean desirable. Fighting in my town centre after closing time is normal.

It's been happening all my life certainly, just it used to be verbal before social media.

Doesn’t anyone, including @Queenconsult , see the problem with the OP’s whole premise?

How absurdly flawed it is to argue about this, in THIS forum?

AIBU means “Am I being unreasonable?”

It was meant to be a specific sub-section of Mumsnet where people posed problems or dilemnas, and others came in and gave their criticism, or sympathy, or life experience.

What has since happened (and it’s the Internet, so yes, anyone can post etc) is that because of the sheer amount of eyeballs in this section of Mumsnet, some posters like the OP have taken to treating it as if AIBU is Mumsnet. in its entirety.

Therefore, if you only posting in AIBU, and you want to break the forum’s theme and post something random and abstract and silly, you then need to preface it with a LIGHTHEARTED headline - to avoid the regulars from actually weighing in on the topic.

It is the equivalent of someone choosing to listen to Radio 4 or Radio 5 if they were perceived as popular, then demanding that they play Taylor Swift or Ed Sheeran, just because they fancy a pick me up.

I mean… there’s Heart radio, or Capital for that. They get “traffic” and listeners too.

Likewise on Mumsnet, if you want to post something lighthearted and get loads of traffic; there is Mumsnet Chat.

YABVU @Queenconsult because basically you want this section of the forum to bend to your rules, when you could quite easily go to the bit of the forum where you wouldn’t even need to write “lighthearted” before you posted!

I'm not defending it but nor do I feel I can attack those who do it - I'm saying it is what happens on open forums for understandable psychological reasons.

I am not surprised when I see a sad post at any time on here, given how many people use the site, and when I do I make a choice to either reply or ignore.

My point is the site's guidelines don't prohibit it - some sites do delete if you go off topic. So that's the nature of the site that you're using.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

And re a pp, I didn't see op say this was only about threads in aibu?

Also, it's not normal. You wouldn't walk up to a group of people that have nothing to do with you, who are laughing and joking and say 'I don't think you should be laughing, making light, having fun, joking etc because my mum/dad/husband/child died.

You'd walk on and keep it to yourself or go to a bereavement group or discuss it in an appropriate time and place.

Its not normal

Well this is social media and it’s a common occurrence, so it is normal in that sense.
Real life social etiquette doesn’t apply unfortunately.

In the same way you wouldn’t start a conversation with a few people in RL and walk off without a backward glance. That happens all the time!
The same way you wouldn’t expect people to mock someone to their face to raise a laugh or make personal insults to win an argument.
Thats par for the course in online chat forums.

People are lonely and desperate for any interaction, so I can see how sticking a jarring comment on a light hearted busy thread achieves them some recognition or satisfaction because they feel ignored, lonely, angry, whatever.

It’s only a matter of time before “Social media will damage your mental health” will be a necessary government warning at the top of every page 😬

Understanding it doesn’t mean justifying it or liking it though. And if there are no rules in that sense, op can freely admit on here it annoys her.
I think Its far less frustrating and better for your mental health to accept SM for the beast it is.

And re a pp, I didn't see op say this was only about threads in aibu?

No, the OP didn’t say it was only about threads in AIBU.

but I would get fairly rich if I counted the number of threads in AIBU which start ++ LIGHTHEARTED ++ before they post something that has no dilemna or question involved.

it then brings in an audience who aren’t necessarily on the board to have a chat and a joke. You get the “vipers” types who just want to have a kick at the OP, and people who are here to chat about misery, not someone’s DH failing to know how to work an air fryer etc.

My point is still valid, but I know it will sail well over the head of the types who just want to shout “FORUM POLICE!” any time anyone wants to point out misuse of AIBU.

It's only offensive to Debbie Downers!

The was a post the other day where a woman was showing off her new Gucci bag at the airport. I said something tounge in cheek like 'can we swap places' and some poster asked me why I want to swap lives with a stranger based on one photo! Do these people ever converse with people in real life I wonder?

Probably not, no. 🤣

I agree with the OP.

How much effort does it take to just scroll past and think 'that thread is not for me?'

I really don't care about the royal family, or which handbag looks better with a new outfit, but I am not going to post comments on those threads expressing my view.