To get fed up when people put downer comments on lighthearted posts?

[Queenconsult]

Fully expecting those Debbie downers to get funny about this.

It happens so often on here, someone posts a semi light hearted post usually about things your husband has done that have annoyed you, straw that broke the camels back, things that gave you the ick or the family ones - what made you realize your childhood was a bit weird etc.

Most people get it’s a bit of fun then you always get the Debbie downers that put ‘I got the ick when he raped me after I came out of the shower’ or ‘I knew my childhood was not normal when I realised no one else slept naked with their grandparents’

key example is earlier on the DD made to hug her grandad post, of course on the first page there is someone telling their life story of the uncle who molested them, no one asked, no one cares, it’s also not relevant.

It’s just so unnecessary and a bit attention seeking tbh. It’s just annoying seeing some funny posts be hijacked by the depressing ones as people can’t read a room.

I feel like your bar for perfect is very low

Maybe people should ask themselves will my post add to the discussion? Is my post in keeping with the tone of the thread? before they post.

The same way you are saying everyone has to right to feel what they feel, other posters also have a right to have a funny lighthearted thread without a trauma dump or it being brought down into misery.

It just smacks of I'm miserable so I'm going to make sure you are too. Nobody must laugh or joke or be happy because I'm miserable. Also the 'I'm going to be offended at nothing because you are happy', just scream I've got nothing else to bitch about so I'll be offended.

I think they're the same awkward people who overshare and trauma dump irl.
It pisses me off, I can't fix their trauma and lighthearted threads certainly aren't where I want to be reminded of mine.

I agree op. You wouldn’t go on a post about someone’s trauma and start joking around so why is it appropriate the other way around?

I think it pays to have a little empathy for people who are essentially trauma dumping on social media and the reasons why they might be doing so?

To be fair, it’s nearly always pulled up by posters on the “light hearted” thread and that poster is shut down.

In fact I think some posters get some glee from telling others they’re being inappropriate!

A lot of society are angry and disillusioned right now and that reflects in social media.

I must admit when I’ve been having a difficult time and I read a thread (light heartedly) moaning about diamond shoes being too tight, it’s tempting to think fuck me Get some perspective and see your privilege.

That’s a sign for me to get off mumsnet immediately.😂

On the flip side, I did once start a thread asking for support and advice during a difficult time and received great feedback from understanding posters.
Perhaps some people don’t have the confidence to do this or the capacity to see how clumsy their random post is.

I definitely think Social media is toxic and spectacularly bad for everyone’s mental health in general!

I dip in and out of MN.
When it starts to irritate you this much, step back a bit is my advice!

The Dressing Gown of Doom threads used to be a funny, light hearted, gentle ribbing distraction now you can guarantee when one is started you get posters coming on telling everyone they are mean and nasty and their husband/partner died, how very dare they find the antics of their other half amusing and post about it. Thread killers, just want everyone to wallow in misery like they do.

Found one.

Nobody is forcing you to post on ANY thread, but you could quite easily find or start one with the tone and content that suits you, instead of arrogantly changing an existing one.

YANBU OP. Some people are very self centred. It's a form of derailing too.

Can't believe people are actually trying to justify people doing this kind of stuff. Like, really?

That's a good point. I hadn't thought about it that way.

Exactly. You can't police others' posts, but it would be annoying and selfish for a poster to start banging on about books on a thread about TV programmes; just as it is annoying for posters to go all 'woe is me' on a fun thread.

Just start your own thread if you want advice or sympathy.

Definitely, the biggest thing my mum ever drove home to me was to ask key questions before sharing anything personal;

Does this person need to know the information/is this the right forum for sharing this issue?
Does adding this information add to the conversation at hand?
Will the person you are speaking to care about the information you want to give?

if any of those are a no, then don’t share it!

Ah see I’ve never seen them pulled up

Either they’ll get loads of sympathy and then it will change the thread to more people telling sob stories

Or those who previously posted will come on and say how bad they feel having said that when people have gone through x, y or Z (as seen on the worst pain thread, people who posted in jest then came on to offer condolences to the poster whose daughter died and then said how ashamed they felt at moaning about stepping on a plug!)

They do notice but from the POV of a victim:

’See!! I told everyone my trauma and they turned their backs on me! I KNEW they were uncaring and have forgotten #bekind. They’re all awful and don’t understand meeeeee!’

It just plays into their ‘poor me’ mentality.

YANBU, OP!

I think it pays to have a little empathy for people who are essentially trauma dumping on social media and the reasons why they might be doing so?

I think the best thing to do is direct them, kindly, to a different thread or board. Dealing with it in a lighthearted thread just derails the thread.

As a PP said, other people have sufferered trauma or are going through a bad time too, and want to have a break from the bad thoughts etc and have a laugh. They are just as valid and important as the trauma dumpers.

There was a comedy about vampires on iPlayer a while ago which featured Colin the energy vampire. This reminds me of that! Someone who can single handedly suck any positive energy from a room 😂

I do think in RL, it pays to have a bit of compassion, or at least try to acknowledge someone’s misery and then move on?

Social media is awash with lonely people desperate for acknowledgment and validation, so I can see why posting something left field and “explosive” on an innocuous thread gains the attention they crave.
That probably should be pitied.

I enjoy looking at MN but I find most of it annoying to be fair 🤣

@PlacidPenelope "The Dressing Gown of Doom threads used to be a funny, light hearted, gentle ribbing distraction now you can guarantee when one is started you get posters coming on telling everyone they are mean and nasty and their husband/partner died,"

I agree that's entirely inappropriate, and no help to anyone. I didn't realise that's what this thread was about. I thought it was about women posting about how their partners don't support them and find excuses not to contribute to family life and for some reason we're supposed to find that funny.

It what I thought the OP was referring to those type of light hearted threads.

I thought it was about women posting about how their partners don't support them and find excuses not to contribute to family life and for some reason we're supposed to find that funny.

I agree with you there.

It’s an anonymous forum and it will attract people having a hard time I guess.

My issue are the ones that take the post so literal they end up steering away from the original post and derailing everyone into a pessimistic dark rabbit hole.

If it was a positive derail I wouldn’t mind but it completely kills the virtual mood.

If people need to vent their frustrations here - and obviously some do - then overall I'd rather they do it on a lighthearted post (where the OP is probably half expecting backlash and the stakes are low) than on a post where someone in apparent distress is looking for perspective or advice.

Maybe MN needs a diary topic

Where the people who enjoy offloading on here can write to their hearts content

I didn't say it was 'appropriate' I said it was normal.

If you want a safe space you need to post somewhere private.

Surely you know by now that humans are all different.

It's very easy to judge others but it doesn't really move the judger forwards.

I think that's what people are intimating by posting 'lighthearted' ie keep your miserable shit off my thread, but people still do it 🤷‍♀️

These people aren't entitled to go around spreading doom and bringing everyone else down. Anyone can start a thread on here, how about they start their own pity parties elsewhere, and leave the people having a normal chat alone?

I think they're free to post what they want, so long as within the talk guidelines.

People post loads of things I don't like, but that's an open forum.

I don't really know what I think of the word 'entitled' here, the talk guidelines would suggest they are entitled to post off subject or in a different tone.