to think is gross / to be worried?

[listyle]

a friend of mine has been telling me for a while now she's suffering with smelling of body odour on her armpits even after showering.

She asked me do I ever smell after showering & I said no. She asked what am I doing different from her so i asked about her diet/what body wash is she using etc we got talking about shower routines and I explained I use a loofah and that I literally scrub my body from head to toe, and that I shower everyday & use deodorant afterwards as well as body lotion etc.

She was shocked , first of all that i shower everyday , she said she showers AT MOST 3 times a week and when she does shower she jumps in, rinses her body with water, whacks shower gel on her hands puts it on armpits and bum (nowhere else) , rinses that off and hops out (excepts for the days she washes her hair, she'll do that) and she'll only use a deodorant when she's bothered. I said to her "no wonder". I wanted to be as nice as possible. I explained that she needs to start washing her full body and washing armpits 2/3x and preferably with a loofah & ALWAYS use deodorant afterwards. She was like "but the issue is only my armpits I don't need to be putting body wash anywhere else I only wash my armpits and bum"

I was being so so nice to her but also trying to get the seriousness across and the importance of personal hygiene.

It's shocked me to be honest she's a close friend and she doesn't come across as dirty. I've never smelled anything bad off of her, she comes across as clean and presents herself well.

I feel a bit concerned is it mental health related? We're very good friends and I've never once thought she has bad mental health but I suppose it's not always visible.

She just seemed so shocked that I shower everyday. She couldn't wrap her head around that I use a loofah and I wash my arms/legs/belly button/back , literally everywhere. She literally only rinses with water, uses hands to wash armpits and bum and that's it. She said her showers are no longer than 3/4 minutes (unless washing hair which would make it 10 mins)

She also mentioned if she wants to shave she'll take a bath but won't put anything in the bath. Only put body wash on armpits and bum and when she rinses that off the suds will go into the bath.

She said she thought this was the norm and what most people did.

I don't know, I haven't stopped thinking about it all day. Am I crazy? If it was your friend would you be worried? I'm not sure if she took on what I said about what she should be doing. She seemed like it would be so much effort for her to do.

(I know she doesn't use mumsnet)

@Toenailz but some hair you cannot wash daily or more than once a week. Afro hair for example because it's fragile and often very dry
I can do 2/3 times a week but not daily

Well I don't know where you go to be constantly confronted by stinking people @Toenailz ? I cannot remember the last time I was in the vicinity of someone with bad BO or smelly hair. And people do know if they are smelly, no matter how many posters on here proclaim "you obviously smell but aren't aware of it/no-one's telling you" for some odd reason or to be rude. Even the OP says her friend doesn't smell. I know at times after physical exercise and/or hot weather I can have whiffy armpits (I can smell them) and so I go and wash. Posters aren't saying that they don't have a fucking proper wash daily with soap or they don't maintain proper personal hygiene but just that they don't need a daily shower (most people don't need one they like one). Daily showering is a relatively new thing.

I’m more your friend end of the scale. My close and extended family would have no difficulty telling me if I smelt.

OP, how did you get the idea that you need to scrub your body every day? Is that what your parents taught you?

I can't believe how defensive everyone is getting 😄

I really hope none of my friends are this weirdly invested in how I shower. She doesn’t smell, ergo she’s doing just fine. 3-4 minute showers and fewer products is better for the environment than whatever mad unguent-loofah-out-out-damn-spot routine you’re getting up to anyway. Leave her the fuck alone.

You’re extraordinarily OTT and she’s lacklustre in personal hygiene. I don’t think either of you are particularly average.

@ladymuckofthemanor You’re going to have an absolute fit when you hear that my sensitive + dry skin DD’s dermatologist recommended that she washes with aqueous cream instead of soap.. and every other day 😱

I’ll be sure to disregard all of this advice though. After all, a random loony MN poster definitely knows best.

@Woodyandbuzz1

I can't believe how defensive everyone is getting 😄

Well some posters are being accused of being lazy, gross, dirty, stinky and stinky but blissfully unaware of it, that might put your back up a bit! 😄

Shower threads always seem to go this way

These threads are funny, but I will admit there are a lot of stinky people in the world. Only yesterday I walked past a couple in a shop with very greasy hair and they smelt of stale cigarettes' & BO. They weren't even that close, but the small followed them!

Personally I'm a once a day, and wash with a bar of soap all over. I wash my hair daily as it's incredibly fine and greasy. I've tried several times to leave it longer between washes, but it's just disgusting. I always use deodorant. On the odd time I forget I can smell myself by lunch time. I'm not overly sweaty, but I do think people under estimate how much they smell when they don't wash regularly. It's not always BO, but often a fusty smell.

Exactly, nothing wrong at all with people as long as it works for them

i shower every day unless I’m ill.

I don't feel right unless I have a shower. I don't use a loofah, but I have to shower. Perhaps we all have differing body smells, but the other week I had a day where I didn't shower (i more or less spent the whole day in my pyjamas, resting) but the next day I really needed to. I would never interact with others without showering. A friend once told me she had not washed in a whole week and I couldn't hide my shock. I was mortified by how upset she was and tried to console her but my shock was there for her to see. Not proud of that.

I shower most days and use ordinary bar soap on all of my skin, and an exfoliating scrub on my legs when I can be bothered. Also deodorant every day.

Using a loofah everywhere sounds painful, and there's no need to wash more than once unless you're very grubby.

Your friend sounds quite lax, but as long as she doesn't smell and you're not having sex with her, leave her to it. It's clearly not doing any harm.

The only bad smell from other people I come across is cigarette or pot smoke and thats a rarity and very very occasionally someone with bad or stale breath.

I think the body lotion is maybe necessary because the skin is being stripped by all the soap and loofah-ing.

I don’t say this judgementally, but simply because as a teen/ early twenties I liked the idea of being as flower fresh as possible and had this kind of routine. In the end I started to need more and more procedures to redress the balance ( extra moisture etc) and my mother’s friend who was a dermatologist told me I was just upsetting the balance. She said the cosmetics market relies to some extent on people buying things to correct what they disturbed by buying other things. This was reinforced when dcs were babies by the paediatrician.

Daily loofah is way OTT. It’s for removing build up of dead skin not grinding away at fresh skin. Once a week is sufficient.

Soap is used for actual dirt or sweaty areas.

Now I still shower daily - just because I enjoy it, but when I have had reason not to ( plumbing issue, long distance travel or similar) I actually smelled fine. I use Dove bar soap as it’s gentle and non stripping. I would personally usually tend to use this all over BUT unless they have actual dirt on them, arms legs esp are generally fine just to have the run-off of shampoo or soap which is used where you may have some sweat ( which includes back, armpits, groin) . I use a cleanser designed for facial use and use it daily, plus facial moisture daily. Beyond that I would only loofah and moisturise weekly at most or after shaving or waxing.

Deodorant I use daily after showering and have been told mitchum roll on is the best. But posters are right that strictly speaking it isn’t good for you. I do it anyway, as it’s the one concession to my old OTT washing ways! But my skin has been far happier since easing back. Over cleaning actually stimulates oil and sweat glands so you start a vicious cycle, and it also dries skin so you need moisture added which then does need washing off … so then you need more soap … and so on …

Tell your friend to try Mitchum roll on. If her armpits actually smell she needs to rub soap on and leave for a few seconds.

But no, she shouldn’t be sudsing herself vigorously and scratching away at her poor skin with a loofah every day, then routinely leaving on moisturiser which leaves a foreign film over the skin.

I used to shower daily, often twice,long soak in the bath. Greasy hair and skin. 16 years ago I developed genital peri anal eczema . I couldn't walk it was agony, open bleeding sores. Saw a dermatologist,had skin allergy tests. Back and forth,a raft of different products to wash with. Took 4 months to get under control. He told me most of the products people use,diprobase,E45, make things far worse.. I tried different supposedly hypo allergic products,in the end showered with just water, for years, using one of the Body shop nylon scrubby things. Gradually introduced products. 2 years ago,flare up,ended up with an ulcerated perineum. Crying with pain, unable to get go appointment. Saw private dermatologist. White 100% cotton pants,non bio washing capsules,no fabric conditioner,no baths. Daily shower of groin only daily with epaderm. Rest of the body, quick warm shower every few days. I trust what she says.

Dove isn't soap,it's a cleansing bar.

I was trying to figure that out.

I use aqueous cream for those areas. Wouldn’t let soap or shower gel anywhere near.

You should shower/wash every day, how can she not wash places like her vagina, under her breasts, her belly button, her neck behind her ears and in between her toes?

I find it very good. Leaves me smelling fresh and doesn’t disrupt skin balance/ leave it tight etc. No need for moisturiser afterwards either. Haven’t looked back.

Yep I'm with your friend, shower a couple of times a week with a quick 'whores bath' in between for a freshen.

Wash my hair like 1-2 a week depending on its need and shock horror I don't was my legs often (that old chestnut)... Never owned a loofa.

I hate most deodorant, the strong smells (especially from many roll on ones) set off a migraine... nothing worse than having to sit with others at work who have no consideration for the fact that they stink like a chemical factory and that can medically effect others.

Do people not remember the old days when a bath once a week was standard?

Where did this bizarre you must scrub and wash you hair every day thing come from? (its even been proven to be bad for your skin/hair many times)

I would say the people so anxious they are scrubbing themselves raw with a loofa and rubbing chemicals into it every 24 hours or less for fear of the natural body are more 'mentally unstable' than your friend is.

YANBU @listyle .

If you shower daily, you’ll smell better. If you’re worried you smell, shower daily etc 🤷🏽‍♀️. Or just walk around which or outright rancid.

I’ve been showering/ bathing twice daily for as long as I’ve known myself and have great skin.

My 15 yr has been bathed /showered twice daily since I brought her home and she has beautiful skin.

I couldn’t go days without showering, but it seems a regular thing on MN (well everywhere actually, given how awful people smell) and anything else is OTT 🤷🏽‍♀️.

I use a flannel daily, lather it up with a mild bar soap and wash all over. Flannel goes straight in the wash and a fresh one is used the next day. I never thought this was OTT?

I think flannels are much gentler than loofahs. I often use flannels or muslins too, esp for face. But loofahs actually scratch.