to think is gross / to be worried?

[listyle]

a friend of mine has been telling me for a while now she's suffering with smelling of body odour on her armpits even after showering.

She asked me do I ever smell after showering & I said no. She asked what am I doing different from her so i asked about her diet/what body wash is she using etc we got talking about shower routines and I explained I use a loofah and that I literally scrub my body from head to toe, and that I shower everyday & use deodorant afterwards as well as body lotion etc.

She was shocked , first of all that i shower everyday , she said she showers AT MOST 3 times a week and when she does shower she jumps in, rinses her body with water, whacks shower gel on her hands puts it on armpits and bum (nowhere else) , rinses that off and hops out (excepts for the days she washes her hair, she'll do that) and she'll only use a deodorant when she's bothered. I said to her "no wonder". I wanted to be as nice as possible. I explained that she needs to start washing her full body and washing armpits 2/3x and preferably with a loofah & ALWAYS use deodorant afterwards. She was like "but the issue is only my armpits I don't need to be putting body wash anywhere else I only wash my armpits and bum"

I was being so so nice to her but also trying to get the seriousness across and the importance of personal hygiene.

It's shocked me to be honest she's a close friend and she doesn't come across as dirty. I've never smelled anything bad off of her, she comes across as clean and presents herself well.

I feel a bit concerned is it mental health related? We're very good friends and I've never once thought she has bad mental health but I suppose it's not always visible.

She just seemed so shocked that I shower everyday. She couldn't wrap her head around that I use a loofah and I wash my arms/legs/belly button/back , literally everywhere. She literally only rinses with water, uses hands to wash armpits and bum and that's it. She said her showers are no longer than 3/4 minutes (unless washing hair which would make it 10 mins)

She also mentioned if she wants to shave she'll take a bath but won't put anything in the bath. Only put body wash on armpits and bum and when she rinses that off the suds will go into the bath.

She said she thought this was the norm and what most people did.

I don't know, I haven't stopped thinking about it all day. Am I crazy? If it was your friend would you be worried? I'm not sure if she took on what I said about what she should be doing. She seemed like it would be so much effort for her to do.

(I know she doesn't use mumsnet)

This.

She doesn't have mental health issues because she doesn't have your routine.

but why would when I do not heed too ? hair is so long and thick that it takes ages yo wash and then dry. washed it Saturday let it air dry a bit tied it up three hours later it the took my hair down at 11pm for bed and it was actually still damp. it still feels like it's freshly washed today. have an event this weekend and will be getting a blow dry. After that my hair would be super looking all week nearly. my hair actually very rarely gets greasy these days. hair unless you are working in a sweaty humid smelly environments or coal mine does not need washing everyday

These threads are always entertaining - everyone is always adamant that their way is the right way

I have a physically demanding job that means I work outside with animals - showering daily is a necessity unless I want to go to bed covered in mud, dog hair, slobber and all other kinds of muck.

But I realise that some people sit at computers all day or don't have to leave the house, so of course they won't need to shower anywhere near as much as I do.

These threads always amaze me.

I am not from the UK originally and was brought up to shower every single day- maybe a second time before bed in summer. (tbf summers are hot). I do have some work colleagues who definitely are whiffy. One swears blind she only needs to wash her hair once a week - when she is in the middle to end of that cycle you can smell the grease across the room - and it looks greasy. Mind you- her hair is a similar texture to mine, very fine. I have a friend with coarser hair and she definitely can get away with washing it less than every day.

OP's routine of a loofah every day is OTT IMO. Very harsh on the skin- but a daily wash or certainly at the very least a wash every working day seems normal to me.

Nothing about my disgust is 'faux', I can assure you.

I do get absolutely sick and tired of having to come across peoples gross bodily smells on a regular basis. In this day and age, there is no excuse for poor hygiene. And it absolutely always is the people who claim they don't smell, because they are ignorant to the idea that they cannot smell themselves.

It's also easily distinguishable, the smell of someone's general odour, or dirty hair odour. People who claim they wash their hair only once a week and it doesn't smell, are frankly wrong.

Apparently it's not only British culture to not maintain proper personal hygiene, but also seems it's our culture that we are often far, far too polite to mention to people that we can smell them, so they go along thinking everything's fine and dandy. It shouldn't be up to other people to inform us if we smell, though.

As I've said, the absolute worst thing for this, is that people do not understand that if they cannot smell themselves, and haven't been told they smell, then they mustn't smell. Considering that most people are too polite/uncomfortable to mention this to even friends, let alone strangers, and that we frequently don't notice our own smell (until it becomes severe), these are not reliable factors to rely on.

Just have a fucking proper wash daily with soap, and clean your hair more than once a week. It's not hard.

I shower everyday (and use gentle soap or shower gel).

I am always quite surprised at the poor hygiene that so many people seem to have.

Bizarre to think that so many believe that water only is going to clean you properly.

No wonder you get so many people smelling really bad on public transport and in shops.

Do you me a a real hard loofah or one of the body puff things?

I shower daily- use a body puff thing and think "pits bits and hair" came into a conversation once when showering and sums it up nicely! I wash hair daily too.

There is no way I could use a loofah I'd be red raw.

I think showering daily is a mostly considered the norm in today's society.

I think both you and your friend are at opposite end of the spectrum

Im surprised you have any skin left.

Currently I've broken my leg so can't wash everyday

On the days I can't be arsed with the faff of sitting on my l
Shower tray with a leg hanging out I use a wipe but I don't smell

When I'm fit I shower and wash face arms boobs fanny and underarms and feet. Never legs unless they are muddy or very sweaty. I've taken to using hard soap bars recently and I do feel they get you cleaner.

Her mistake is not putting deodorant on, I shower as she does but apply deo. I never smell.

People might not need to use as much body lotion and cream (which also comes in single use plastic containers) if they weren't scrubbing their skin top to toe each day.

I just don’t get it tbh especially in summer . No wonder the underground trains stink!
just because you can’t smell it on you doesn’t mean others can’t. We become immune to smells around us, including our own. Even my kids, under ten, start to smell on day two

I shower every day and use an exfoliating flannel type thing plus a really thick moisturiser daily but I suffer from eczema and if I don’t do this my skin flares! I think it depends on preferences or skin, as long as you’re actually clean.
i do think she doesn’t shower enough however

I am genuinely baffled that people don't wash their whole body. I scrub every part of my body with those glove exfoliating things. I wouldn't feel clean otherwise. O wash every other day, max I'd say. And obviously always use Deodorant.
I don't do anything else or put anything else on my skin and everyone compliments how good my skin is.

What about your neck and behind your ears? Your feet? Surely people wash your sweaty feet?

I’m strange? I’m not the one starting an AIBU thread proclaiming how dirty my so-called ‘friend’ is!

You sound a horribly judgemental and toxic person. Just unfriend her if you dislike her so much and think she’s so disgusting, she’ll be lucky to get away from you.

Absolutely dreadful for your skin to scrub daily using those exfoliator gloves if it is sensitive in particular. Mine would be red raw if I did that. I'm cringing just thinking about it - ouch!

Of course I wash my feet but tbh I can't remember the last time they were actually sweaty. It's the middle of winter.

Do you realise how dirty and unhygienic loofahs are?

I'm also baffled by all the posters who apparently spend their days cringing in disgust at the smell of other people. I can't honestly say I find anyone else particularly smelly, other than people who clearly have a reason they can't wash very often, like homeless people.

If I go into work or on public transport or whatever I can't smell anyone really unless they are doused in perfume or aftershave or have been smoking.

Absolutely no need to shower every day, it’s a new(ish) idea, twice a week is plenty. We only had a bath once a week when I was a kid, guess what I’ve survived, and no I don’t smell.

I don't smell. I am clean. Don't worry yourself.

Two things….
You need soap not shower gel. Shower gel leaves moisturiser etc on the skin- fine if you’re doing all the dry areas like OP- legs, torso etc. Not adequate on the under arms for some people.

Also- stress stinks. I have a minimal routine. If something stressful happens I really need to up it! Hormones etc.

People smell. All the time. Some of us smell pleasant, others unpleasant- but it’s in the nose of the beholder! I dislike the smell of DH at the moment, sadly. His family all smell the same! My boys, thank God, smell like my side of the family 🤣.

I stopped using products and lined up some honest friends to keep me on the straight and narrow. Now the smell of everyone else’s products can be overwhelming.

Really? Actual medical advice is an excuse for poor hygiene?

Next time we see DD’s dermatologist I shall tell him to hand back his medical degree and hop on to Mumsnet to be educated by the self proclaimed ‘experts’ 🤣

Get a grip. @ladymuckofthemanor

I think you're both normal, but the far ends of the spectrum. So she's about as grubby as you can get and still be in normal range, and you're about as clean as you can get and be in normal range. That said if she's noticed she's smelling, then it sounds like she could up her game a bit. But I don't think she's unusual!

A good old-fashioned bar of soap is much more effective at removing and preventing body odour than any shower gel so she should try that if she hasn't already.

Somewhere in-between us fine. If I used a loofah everyday my skin would be irritated, you don't need to exfoliate to be clean.

You dont need to wash your whole body let alone to scrub it.
Not putting anything into a bath (bubbles) is fine.