AIBU to ask that people stop asking kids if they’ve ’been away’ or ‘done anything exciting’ during the school holidays?

[Chubbymummyof2]

It’s the last day of our half-term holiday today and it’s been a week at home, partly because we’ve all had germs but also because everything costs SO much at the moment we haven’t got spare money to go on holiday or have exciting days out.
My daughter (12) had an eye test mid week and I know that the optician was only trying to make small talk but both me and my daughter felt pretty uncomfortable with the ‘have you been away’, ‘what exciting things have you done this week’ questions she just wouldn’t let it drop that we’d had a week at home. (It didn’t help that the optician had the worst listening skills ever and repeated every single question multiple times).
I wish that people could be a bit more mindful of that fact that not many people have much of a disposable income at the moment and that holidays/days out are a treat and they shouldn’t expect that just because kids are on half-term it means their parents have endless exciting (usually expensive) things planned.

Can we normalise holidays spent at home?

AIBU - am I being over sensitive, it was just small talk
YANBU - small talk doesn’t have to be about activities that require disposable income

Surely it’s up there with “what’s Santa bringing?” and “any nice plans this weekend?”

Plenty of people have nice weeks and weekends without spending money. Beach, park, play date with friends, a sleepover, movie night.

I don’t feel like you are unreasonable. It is fine to ask what she has been doing but the way of phrasing it like there is an expectation that there would be a lot of exciting things going on especially when pushing can be a bit insensitive. Probably
not the end of the world but yes- everything is very expensive and who even goes away randomly in February !

There is plenty of fun stuff that can be done for free. I think it's just small talk.

But it doesn’t have to cost money to be different and therefore a bit exciting.

camping in the living room to watch a film?
making tea and serving it like you’re in a restaurant?
park with your friends?

it’s small talk. They’re just asking what you’ve done having not been at school.

It’s normal small talk. And plenty of fun stuff can be done at home or for free. Answers like ‘no we had a relaxing week playing games and watching movies/going for walks/at the park’ etc are all fine answers. YABU for thinking it requires money to have any fun or that people should quit normal small talk.

camping in the living room to watch a film?
making tea and serving it like you’re in a restaurant?
park with your friends?

Do you have a 12yo?

I think you're overthinking this, though as someone whose colleagues are always off ski-ing at every half term, I do understand this.

It's perfectly possible to have fun hanging out at home with your parents, and I think most sensible people recognise this.

As PPs have said, it's just chit-chat. You can't really expect to police people's smalltalk because of your own insecurities about what you get up to at half term.

I think you're over thinking this, it's just small talk. The optician not listening is highly annoying though.

Yup! I do.

Do you think no 12 year olds can watch movies or go to the park?

It sounds like it's more your problem.
You sound like it's you who thinks there's something wrong with not doing much.
If someone asks me if I've been away for example I say the truth no. Sometimes I might even add in we can't afford to. Because I don't really care!
If I've done not a lot, I'll say we've just been relaxing.
I really don't see the big deal

You’re being unreasonable.

there’s tonnes of things a 12 year old can do that are low cost and fall under the category of “doing something nice”

Surely 12yos mostly want to hang out with their friends - sleepovers are generally popular at this age. Bung on a film and give them some popcorn etc, they generally be happy.

Youre being dàft. I was brought uo in poverty. I went to my grans in the holidays as my mum couldnt afford to feed me.

Been away anywhere? Yes my grans

Done anything exciting ? Picked peas out of my garden

Youre projecting... poor kids still havd fun

I think you are being a bit sensitive, "anything exciting " could include visiting friends/family, trying a new activity, going camping, having a sleepover. It is just chat, and if you are bothered by it, show your DC how to respond politely - " We've had a lovely week chilling at home, doing a bit of baking, visiting people we don't always get to see, how about you?"
I do think people should be aware that not all children have lovely home lives, indeed I've taught children who hated the holidays because of issues with their home lives, lack of space, food poverty, and unfit parents, but these sorts of questions are just a normal part of life for most of us. Within a school setting I'd be very careful about saying things that might lead children to compare themselves unfavourably, but in the outside, superficial conversation is the norm.
You can teach your DD how to enjoy herself without spending a fortune, and can set her expectations re holidays etc.

Been away could be a sleep over with friends or family, exciting things might be a fun video game / tv show / book, or a free event or trip to a free museum. There’s interest and excitement in fairly mundane things, it doesn’t have to all be about money and ostentatious days out.

Oh Fgs it's just small talk. If she sat there in silence, then that would be a problem too with you. Honestly people just look to make an issue.

Oversensitive and nothing else,

If the person that asks is being genuine and not a show-off or worse still one that knows they have not been away - you are just being over sensitive = we've all felt like that at time

At times it ca be the other way around you been on hols and no one asks - for me, don't ask me unless you are being genuine

Exactly.

The optician doesn't actually care. It's just small talk.

Small talk is something your child will need to navigate all her life.

It’s just small talk, the optician really didn’t care about the answers.

things my 12 year old would be delighted with:

Movies at cinema or home
sleepovers
making own pizza
baking
trips to the beach
tennis in park
hanging out with friends
bike ride to ice-cream shop/cafe for cake
some (definitely not all) museum/art gallery trips - depends what’s on.

My 12 year old boy loves all this stuff

It does sound a bit like mum guilt rather than anyone else doing something wrong. Holidays can be exciting without lots of expensive activities.

My kids have done a mix of things this half term but I think the ones that they will remember are spending time with people so a sleepover with a friend, making pancakes etc.

Wise up. A week off school can just mean lie ins, more telly, playing in the park, seeing friends or beingnat a grandparents or a club.

Doesn’t have to be £££ so perfectly fine to ask a kid what they are/ have been doing.

Well, if you can sell your 12yo "camping" in the living room and playing restaurants then crack on. But I still don't think, if asked, they'd offer them up as activities they did at half term.