AIBU to ask that people stop asking kids if they’ve ’been away’ or ‘done anything exciting’ during the school holidays?

[Chubbymummyof2]

It’s the last day of our half-term holiday today and it’s been a week at home, partly because we’ve all had germs but also because everything costs SO much at the moment we haven’t got spare money to go on holiday or have exciting days out.
My daughter (12) had an eye test mid week and I know that the optician was only trying to make small talk but both me and my daughter felt pretty uncomfortable with the ‘have you been away’, ‘what exciting things have you done this week’ questions she just wouldn’t let it drop that we’d had a week at home. (It didn’t help that the optician had the worst listening skills ever and repeated every single question multiple times).
I wish that people could be a bit more mindful of that fact that not many people have much of a disposable income at the moment and that holidays/days out are a treat and they shouldn’t expect that just because kids are on half-term it means their parents have endless exciting (usually expensive) things planned.

Can we normalise holidays spent at home?

AIBU - am I being over sensitive, it was just small talk
YANBU - small talk doesn’t have to be about activities that require disposable income

It's about effort not money.

Bike rides, going out walking can be done for free.

Trip to the library to choose books. Etc

Most 12yr olds that I teach love relaxing at home and playing computer games/watching you tube. That is what most of them do in the holidays and at weekends, even the wealthy ones. You are over thinking this.

It's interesting that it's often a poor/ working class mind set that you need to do something extravagant like a paid for activity or nothing at all. With the exception of going on holiday, you tend to find the people with money are the ones more likely to have gone walking rather than to Thorpe park.

I find it quite sad if children gave stayed home the whole week doing nothing. When learning to cook, being outdoors, exploring places, just requires a bit of effort.

You are being ridiculous, there is no shame in saying you just had a quiet week at home and then so as not to cut the conversation dead, perhaps tell them about the last holiday or day out you had or one you hope to have in the future. What a shame if people can’t make small talk about nice things in life

When I was 12 we had very very little spare cash. We didn't even have a car. My mum took us on the bus one day and bought us some chicken popcorn from KFC. It was our first time getting a treat like that and it felt like the best day ever. I think maybe you imagine that the days out need to have lots of expensive activities or be big holidays when the reality is making a pizza together etc are the memories our children will cherish.

With the exception of going on holiday, you tend to find the people with money are the ones more likely to have gone walking rather than to Thorpe park.

High six figure salary here and for many years we had Merlin annual passes.

I'd have just chipped in 'oh we're having a relaxing time at home this week'. It wouldn't bother me at all because being a good parent and going away on holiday are not related in any way.

I was just about to post about SM as well.
Wait a bit and optician’s question will be your dream. Posts about exciting weekends, amazing achievements, generous parents, loving boyfriends and all these at midnight so clearly there is no stupid rules about using phone after certain time.
I can see where you are coming from in a way especially if you’ve been unwell but you are worried about very minor thing.

I find it unhelpful too. Money is extremely tight and while it’s lovely that some of you are so creative it’s pretty tone deaf not to realise that many people don’t want to advertise that their excitements are home based. It’s up there with what did you get for Christmas.

Well Christ knows what I am to say to the little beasts if I can’t ask what they have been up to? 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's also not just about the financial aspect, although I appreciate that this is a big issue for many especially at the present time. Lots of parents work and cannot get time off in the half term. This is just the reality of life and not something to be ashamed about. It is important for young people to understand that not every minute of their lives is a timetable of insta worthy activity.

Everything @semicole said

I LOVE spending half term at home. Sadly, we have a lot of obligations as we live away from
grandparents, but (apart from being ill obviously) you week chilling sounds amazing.

I am a teacher in a private school and my students get up to all kinds of crazy things.

Thankfully my DC are home birds and bookworms like me, so beyond going for walks, we all like to chillllll.

Please don't feel mum guilt. You should not be entertaining all of the time. Down time is very important and undervalued (IMO)

Thank you to those who’ve reassured me and given helpful advice.

just small talk theyre just trying to relax te kids

i didnt go away very holiday especially halfterm

But it doesn’t relax the kids it makes mine feel like everyone else has been having a wildly exciting time.

Once, during a sort out, we came across my sister's old exercise books from primary school. There was always a "What I Did In The Holidays."

We had a good old laugh that every single day she and my mum got the bus to town to meet my Grandma, went back to Grandma's house and had oxtail soup, with chips to dip in, for lunch while watching Rainbow on the TV. I wasn't born at that time but in the books my sister had made out like she had been living her absolute best life!

Actually, thinking about it, it might have been a What I Did At The Weekend. I think it was their Saturday ritual!

I honestly think it’s about how you frame it and this will stick in your kids’ heads too. So maybe you’re not going away but you can make everyday things seem special too. Try not to let the mum guilt get you.

There have been half terms when the most exciting thing my kids have done is go on a big walk in a woods we've not been to before or gone to a different park. Or baked a cake. I think sometimes it's a mindset. I'll still say to them that we've had a nice half term and list all those little things we did.
My kids are used to big days out and holidays, but they still know how to appreciate a nice, quiet (cheap) half term and the little things we've done.
My advice is to just reframe it.

We live in a fairly Mumsnetty type area aka mc where everyone seems to earns loads.
Usually its like a ghost town in February half term because literally half the town goes away skiing. DS teacher asked who had been skiing when they went back last year and he was one of a handful that hadn't!

This is it - it's about having a more 'glass half full' mentality and noticing the joys rather than focussing on what's (potentially) missing. The DCs will follow your lead and values, so if they see you taking pleasure in simple things, they will mirror it (I always have other parents laughing at seeing how excited my DCs get when I announce a very mundane after school trip to Wickes for work purposes at pick up - it's all in the sell!). You must have done something that was enjoyable, even if sometimes that something is literally nothing: What have you been up to over half term? "Nothing, it has been bliss! No school runs! No racing between work, school and clubs! I have had a lie-in every day and spent a considerable amount of time each day sat on my bum. Wonderful! 😊"
Even without including free activities or outings, just being able to catch up on rest, spend more time together, and not being beholden to someone else's timetable are huge positives and could easily be "the best thing that I did over half term".

FWIW we've had a largely 'at home' half term, with a few local outings totalling £41 across the week. I appreciate this is still more than some can afford, but equally it is a long way from a 'big budget' HT. They have been for a fun swim (1 DC was free due to still having lessons), been to the park with friends, done an hour of trampolining, been to Ikea (a chore that was given 'the Wickes treatment') with a hot dog at the end, and had a pamper & movie day at home. They have also built a lot of Lego, run the kitten ragged, read books, attended their usual sports training, and watched a lot of TV. We have to keep a large amount of exercise in our schedule as I find DCs' behaviour and DD1's sleep deteriorates without it, otherwise I would have happily done much less with them.
DD1, I suspected, would say the best thing has been the extra sleep/not having to get up early to catch the school bus, as would I, but answered "Lots of things... Not going to school!". I've just asked DD2 and she answered "spending time with my family" (yes, genuinely! I was anticipating something food related TBH...). It's been a really good week!

The poster said 'more likely to', not 'No wealthy people go to theme parks'.

I agree too, having asked probably literally thousands of children what they did at the weekend or in the holidays.

Similar here. Our kids even get excited about occasionally coming along to do the weekly shop with us!
Tbh, I’m not a fan of policing the way other people interact (“we must tell
people not to say X/Y/Z”), as long as it’s not openly hostile/ offensive.
We also can’t wrap our kids im cotton wool and expect them never to be made uncomfortable by anyone.

What's wrong with: "No, not a lot, just chilling out at home."