AIBU to ask that people stop asking kids if they’ve ’been away’ or ‘done anything exciting’ during the school holidays?

[Chubbymummyof2]

It’s the last day of our half-term holiday today and it’s been a week at home, partly because we’ve all had germs but also because everything costs SO much at the moment we haven’t got spare money to go on holiday or have exciting days out.
My daughter (12) had an eye test mid week and I know that the optician was only trying to make small talk but both me and my daughter felt pretty uncomfortable with the ‘have you been away’, ‘what exciting things have you done this week’ questions she just wouldn’t let it drop that we’d had a week at home. (It didn’t help that the optician had the worst listening skills ever and repeated every single question multiple times).
I wish that people could be a bit more mindful of that fact that not many people have much of a disposable income at the moment and that holidays/days out are a treat and they shouldn’t expect that just because kids are on half-term it means their parents have endless exciting (usually expensive) things planned.

Can we normalise holidays spent at home?

AIBU - am I being over sensitive, it was just small talk
YANBU - small talk doesn’t have to be about activities that require disposable income

So they might say watched movies, so what? It’s still a normal free activity they can say they did.

YABU OP. I get what you are saying OP but at 12 your DD is at an age where she will need to get used to the fact that people have different lives and also the nature of small talk. There is no shame in saying you haven't been up to much just chilling out enjoying time with friends and family. I assume that if she hasn't already used social media, she will have access at some point in the near future and a big part of this will involve conversations about endless streams of posts with people who portray the themselves as having an amazingly exciting life when often the reality is different.

Another YABU vote, only because I know that the people asking these questions are just trying to make small talk. There are all kinds of reasons that people might not be traveling that have nothing to do with finances, so I doubt the optician would ever think that such a question might be a sensitive topic. There’s also nothing wrong with staying home. Plenty of people decide not to travel every single break because going away every 6 weeks is exhausting.

'have you been away’ - a simple yes/no question with no judgement but fair enough I get some people may be sensitive so maybe best avoided.

‘what exciting things have you done this week' are you saying there was nothing vaguely exciting? Visit a friend? Do some craft? Binge watch her fave TV show?

You're being over sensitive.
You can't dictate how people chit chat. Just say ' oh just a quiet one for us' no one really cares about he answer.

I think you're being overly sensitive to be that bothered by it and need to be careful to not let that rub off on your daughter. But I do know what you mean, I always feel a bit sheepish saying "quiet week at home" when people ask what I am on doing on leave where I don't have anything booked, and we are by no means low income!

I imagine the optician was just trying to make conversation to help your DD be relaxed in that environment.

But generally, yes I agree with you

It's just to put dd at ease. Lots to do that's exciting. Doesn't have to cost the earth. I think you are worried about nothing really

You can't expect people to suppress normal conversation just because of your circumstances.

Erm.. yes.

Sounds like you are being over sensitive OP?

YABU. It can't be easy to make 20+ minutes of small talk with a stream of customers you know nothing about all day long.

You also don't need to spend a fortune to have a good time or do something fun in the holidays.

Exactly what I thought!

and to the person who said AIBU for thinking exciting things need money…where did I say that?! This is amount small talk aimed at discussions over things that cost money. Not sure if have managed 12 years of parenting if I thought exciting things had to cost money!

100% YABU.

There are so many exciting things that can be done from home and free!

Even a day out can be just the cost of petrol and take a packed lunch.

It doesn't require any money to have fun!

I probably am. 3 weeks of horrible germs have taken their toll on all four of us!

Next you will be saying people can't wear Brand X of coat because you can't afford it.

I take your point about it rubbing off on my daughter. Thank you, I hadn’t thought of that.

As children get older, exciting things do get more expensive. Its much easier when they're little and all excited about a trip to the playground and getting an ice cream.

Yes I agree with you, my son was asked this by a teacher at school and he told her where and she burst out laughing at him! He is autistic and loves transport and had been asking for a long time to go to this place to ride on the trams but it’s not convenient to do it on a weekday or even weekend as it’s a long way to travel for us so I promised him in the half term we would go so she laughed at him that he went on a “holiday to X” he never claimed it was a holiday and I think it’s a bit off asking kids if they’ve been away as not everyone can afford to. He felt so embarrassed.

Thank you. It is my insecurities but we also live somewhere where people often do go away, so I guess the optician probably gets more ‘yes we went to xxx’ answers

At 16 and 19 mine camped in a 2 man tent in our dining room the night before the 16 year old's exam results were due out. They had planned to camp in the garden but chickened out.

You are being oversensitive. You could have said, "Ugh, we wish! Unfortunately, we spent the whole break home sick and recovering from one germ after another." The other person will say something to the effect of, Oh, that stinks! In so sorry! And you move on.

We also don't have money to go anywhere ever so if someone asks what we've been up to.....deep cleaning the house, extra hours at work, visiting family, my teen got her permit, watched an awesome movie, etc.

I work in a school and we are reminded around every break not to ask the children questions like that. Some do not see daylight in holidays.

one thing you could do is blue peter badges. They allow access to so many places for free.

You are right. It is mum guilt

YABU.
Try not to let your insecurities rub off on your dd and turn her to thinking you can only have fun / enjoy a holiday if it is full on or expensive.

It is small talk. There's loads of things you / she could have replied.