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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To threaten my H with divorce if he ever takes my kids to see MIL again.

439 replies

HooversBrokenAgain · 24/03/2008 21:08

He took them "out" today. All day so I could have a break, he said nothing about going to see his mum.(I don't trust her and have never wanted our children left with her) He comes home looking sheepish MIL has only f gone and pierced my baby daughters ears.

I have been screaming at him for almost 3 hours and am still fuming with rage.

He keeps telling me to take them out if I am so bothered.

I am going to show him this thread so if you all flame me he'll think he is off the hook.

BTW can anyone tell me if it's ok to take them out, they are very bloody and I'm so worried she is mutilated for life

OP posts:
wannaBe · 24/03/2008 21:59

vvv had wondered that. If a&e report to ss and op's dd was in h's care then he is also culpable. It's not just the mil but the father as well, who lives in the family home - I would also think carefully about what you want to do before you do it.

EasterBunnylicious · 24/03/2008 22:03

I would take a rusty safety pin and try piercing your H's ear so he understands what your baby has gone though

mumeeee · 24/03/2008 22:07

That is awfull I agree with others report her to the police.. Take you little one to your GP or if she is in pain now take her to A&E. How is she?

LyraSilvertongue · 24/03/2008 22:07

{shock]
Good God, how can anyone think it's ok to pierce someone else's child's ears, esp when they know the mother doesn't want it done? it beggars belief! Don't have ANYTHING to do with this woman again. She's proved she cannot be trusted.

catsmother · 24/03/2008 22:10

Your poor poor things - you and your daughter.

I won't say what everyone else has already said, but I totally agree with all that's been written so far. You would have to be a total lunatic to even consider this is in any way acceptable.

The fact she has different cultural traditions to you means that she can pierce whatever bits of herself as she sees fit ..... but in no way gives her some sort of permission by default to abuse your child like that.

As for your DH .... what a pathetic, spineless, useless, disgusting excuse for a man and a father he is. He would rather subject his baby to physical pain and disfigurement (albeit temporary) and go against the express wishes of his wife than object to his mother's gross interference and abuse.

HBA ...... do you honestly think you can trust him to never take the children to see his mother again ? Think about it - unless you keep them glued to your side forever more, how will you ensure there is no contact ? I absolutely don't blame you for feeling the way you do but I'm afraid this would be a dealbreaker for me ...... it's such a huge betrayal of you by him. And he's also betrayed his own daughter. Had he been just as outraged as you - had this somehow happened behind his back ...... then you would at least be united in thinking how appallingly his mother has behaved, but without that mutual understanding and agreement, will you ever be able to forgive him this ?

Please seek medical advice just to make sure your daughter's ears don't get infected. I am sure that at this young age her ears will heal in a relatively short time, and to the extent that the holes are invisible. But clearly that's not the main point.

What she has done is assault of a minor and personally, I would haul her over the coals - legally - as far as I could. I'm sure if you went to the police at the very least they wouldn't laugh at you or anything ...... there's no way strangers would be allowed to injure a baby like this, and there's nothing in law stating a grandmother gets special dispensation for doing so either. I suppose the fact your H was there might complicate matters, but they BOTH knew you didn't want this to happen and SHE actually DID it, so surely to god there must be something the police could do prosecution-wise.

babbi · 24/03/2008 22:12

Is she of Spanish descent ? We have lived in Spain on and off for a few years and numerous spanish ladies would chat to me ( I am a Spanish speaker ) about DD from about the age of 4 months and ask me "why I hadn`t gotten her ears pierced yet ? " it is the norm there ..
However YANBU I would kill DH first (he did participate IMO ) and then kill her ............ outrageous behaviour ...... TBH I would be having very serious words with your DH .. if he could let her do this ... what on earth next.

CoteDAzur · 24/03/2008 22:13

How horrible! If anyone pierced my baby's flesh AND without my consent AND without even clean & professional equipment, I would draw blood from her myself.

UNBELIEVABLE that your DH was complicit in this! If you ever have a DS, I wouldn't let him out of my sight lest these two perform a home circumcision on him

LyraSilvertongue · 24/03/2008 22:13

I think going to A&E would be OTT. Just keep her ears clean with salt water.

UniversallyChallenged · 24/03/2008 22:14

poor little baby + stupid woman + spineless father = sadness and distrust all round and possible blood poisoning

Have you or your husband spoken to MIL yet?

Freckle · 24/03/2008 22:15

Well, if you need a licence to perform body piercings, the MIL has at least committed one criminal offence (that of performing a body piercing without a licence) even before we get on to the question of the actual bodily harm of a baby.

ggglmpp · 24/03/2008 22:16

She could get septacemia from a dirty piercing. I would take her to a and e.

mistlethrush · 24/03/2008 22:16

I hope that she is OK and that you get some positive advice and treatment from A&E - just wanted to add my regarding your dds treatment at the hands of your dh and your mil, and best wishes for her speedy recovery.

CountessDracula · 24/03/2008 22:16

bloody hell

I would have her charged with assault tbh

CountessDracula · 24/03/2008 22:18

though presumably your "d"h gave valid consent?

Unbelievable

gemmiegoatlegs · 24/03/2008 22:18

i just wanted to add that this is the most shocked and sickened i have ever felt on mn

Bouncingturtle · 24/03/2008 22:21

Just adding my support - your Dh is off his rocker and your MIL is just pure evil - she should NEVER be allowed near children again - that is child abuse ffs!!!

Have you any Germolene - it is a mild anaesthetic and will numb as well as disinfect your dd's ears. But I would definitely get her checked out by a doctor.

Flubdub · 24/03/2008 22:23

un
be
fucking
lievable

It made me cry. Its cruel and abusive.
Go to A&E
Go to police
Go to solicitors to divorce husband

BroccoliSpears · 24/03/2008 22:24

I'm speechless, and so upset for you and your little girl.

luckylady74 · 24/03/2008 22:24

A&E sounds dramatic, but then I thought about tetnus - don't you get that off metal?
Is there no medical person on here tonight?

ShinyDysonHereICome · 24/03/2008 22:25

I think she has taken her baby to A&E.

Necessary IMO due to risk of infection as the stupid woman pierced her ears at home.

Betty20 · 24/03/2008 22:27

I join everyone in their outrage! And I completely understand your anguish and worry about your daughter's ears.

As a wee word of reassurance, I reckon you can take them out without too much bother. In my reckless youth, I had my nose pierced. After about 6 days I decided I didn't like it and took it out (much to my mother's relief). I kept it clean with very regular salt water washes and I have no scar.

You young daughter's skin will heal very quickly and IMHO, I think it's unlikely you'll see any evidence of where they once where.

CoteDAzur · 24/03/2008 22:28

Assuming MIL-from-hell used golden earrings (re her love of gold jewellery on babies), I wouldn't worry about tetanus, as gold doesn't rust.

I would still be tempted to drill a hole somewhere in her body, though. See how she likes it.

LyraSilvertongue · 24/03/2008 22:28

Hooversbrokenagain, did dh know what his mother was going to do?

Heated · 24/03/2008 22:28

Can't quite believe this thread!! Appalling woman .

Definitely take poor dd to A&E to have the bloody awful things removed and to prevent any infection setting in, and if he were my hb I'd also be dropping him off outside A&E too to have his balls retracted.

Nighbynight · 24/03/2008 22:30

OMG, I would be as furious and upset as you are. I so much hope that you could get her charged with assault or similar.
How dare she.

I was married to a man from an ear-piercing culture. Fortunately, ex h wasnt really into ear piercing, because MIL had pierced his ears herself when he was a baby. It would have been one of my worst nightmares.