To charge family for baby bits

[Cymruhills]

My brother and his wife have recently discovered they're going to be parents for the first time and we, as well as other people have offered them baby things we no longer need.

So far I've mainly gifted them blankets, clothing and smaller items such as a steryliser and a bottle warmer.

We saw them today and they began listing some items they still need to get. Some of which they know we still have as our youngest is still using them/will be growing out of them soon. They were more expensive items (think £100+ to buy new) and things which I would have sold on, to try and make some money back in order to buy things which my children need.

I mentioned that we have some of the items they are looking for and explained that I'd happily pass them on to them but because they're slightly more expensive, I'd just like the amount for them that I would have sold them for (item dependant, but around 25% of the RRP).

My brother looked shocked that I'd mentioned buying them instead of them being gifted, like the other items I've previously given them. My DH says I should just loan them the things and when they're done, sell them then. Things felt a bit awkward and they left soon after.

I'm reluctant to loan the items as they will be in worse condition than they are now and also, it would be quite nice to have the money to spend now, for things that we need for my DC's, not in a year or so.

So, AIBU?

It's your right to sell them. I don't know your financial circumstances, but if the few hundred you would get would be helpful, then get them up onto whatever marketplace you use asap so it's done. If it were any other item in the home - kitchen appliance, sofa, table - nobody would be critical of decision to sell versus giving away. It shouldn't be any different just because it's baby stuff. I have given away loads of baby stuff that I'd been given, but I sold a pram instead of offering it to anyone because initial investment was, what I now see with hindsight, crazy expensive.

I'm going against the grain here but I think they were CFers to say 'we need such and such, ooh you still have yours, gimme gimme gimme'. When a relative of mine had a baby I gave her a load of smaller bits but kept our pram and some of the bigger bits to sell. I think that's reasonable. Sounds a bit like they just want freebies. Unless they're really hard up I don't think ywbu.

If you bought the things new, and they have a decent resale value, it’s fair to ask them to pay. Surely they’d have to pay anyway,. If you got them free or second hand yourself, you can’t ask for money. I can’t really think what all this stuff is though? I’m expecting and only buying a cot and car seat for now, and a few clothes?

It entitled to expect it all for free. My SIL got pregnant and said "this is great I won't have to buy anything, I will just take all your stuff, will save me a fortune"

She got nothing! Absolutely nothing. I sold most of the big items, gifted smaller.
It just pays for the next wave of stuff you need.

Wow, who charges family?! I would and have done, given baby things to family and away on Olio.

I suppose I can afford to do this though. If you are seriously struggling for money then perhaps your view is different.

I am very close to my brother but I dont see him once a month as we live a couple of hours away. That seemed an odd comment.

I’d have just said-‘we are going to sell the x/y/z as money’s tight with me being on ML.’

If they offered you money, then you can go from there

YANBU!
I can't stand the arrogance that some people have of assuming they can have your stuff. They know they're saving money by not buying. No offer of ££ ?

They're CF and I wouldn't loan items either because they're they type who would not replace it or give £ either if they damaged them and still you've lost out.

I sold all my baby stuff to a friend. I knew there were items I had she needed but explained I needed £ to buy other things for the stage my baby was at. She was very grateful that everything was in such great cond and a good price.

I don't see why family should be any different? You aren't close and they're just assuming they can have it - how rude! Don't cave OP!

Personally I’d preferred to not to have to do this, but I think you were right, if you’re broke and need the money for your children now, then it was the only way forward. I think it’s ok to explain that you really need the money or your kids would need to go without.

I don’t think you’re necessarily unreasonable, they’re your things and you can sell them if you want to, but for me the exception is if these things were bought for you in the first place. If they were gifted to you then you are a little bit cheeky to want to profit from them rather than pass them on to someone else who needs them.

But at the same time I just can’t imagine taking money from family for things like that, I wouldn’t dream of asking my sister for money if she needed our baby things but I suppose that depends on what kind of relationship you guys have

That's completely incorrect.

I’m with the op, if she was going to sell them to make a bit of money to buy the next stage of kids things needed then that’s what she should do.

I maybe wouldn’t have told them the cost but just said “oh I’m going to sell them on as it’s so expensive having kids” then if they were interested in buying they could have asked more.

there are so many posts on here along the lines of “I gave my sister a pram and she’s sold it on” or “I lent a cot to my BFF and now she’s lent it on to someone else but I was going to sell it when I got it back” remember there are so many CF’s around!!

You see a lot more of your brother than what a lot of people see their siblings. My brother and sister live a four hour drive away and I see them a handful of times a year, I still consider us to be close, they are my family! You absolutely have the right to sell your old baby things, but I probably would have just not mentioned it to them and gone ahead and sold the items. That way there would be no tension around the issue.

Baby stuff isn’t as easy to sell or as profitable as you think it will be. Some of my crap I can’t even give away on bloody Freecycle.
When I can find a willing recipient, I am generally pretty chuffed. Just give the shit away. Especially good because you only have to give the stuff a light clean before you pass it on. I shudder to think the kind of deep clean I’d have to give the family pram if I wanted to make £200 on it.

I can see the side of shouldn't charge family but your also not your brothers and SIL baby shop where your family unit fork out for everything and they get it all for free just because you had a baby before them.

You have already gifted them quite a bit and given your plans were to sell and he put you on the spot of saying well you have that don't you? I don't think your being unreasonable at all.

Are people getting confused by what 'stuff' is in question here, because to my mind there's a world of difference between a bundle of used sleep suits that might sell on Marketplace for a fiver, and a £1000+ travel system that would easily fetch over £300 (in my area that's a fairly common second hand price for quality branded prams).

The first most people would probably give away without a second thought, the second well good for you if you could afford to give it away without flinching, especially while on maternity leave / facing all the expenses of a new child, but we couldn't.

Can’t believe you would charge your own brother!!!

so tight!

Even if it meant they get good stuff while OP can't afford to get things for her child?

I’m torn as I would never charge family for baby stuff but I totally understand that somethings you buy, knowing there’s a second hand market for and can recoup the money.

I think you would have been better saying “oh yes I do have those things but unfortunately I cannot give them to you, I’m planning to sell them on Facebook as we need the money to buy x”

Ooh I think it's tricky and I'm on the fence. One of dh's cousins had a baby when ds was little. We gave them our moses basket (hardly used, a spare pram that I'd been given and a few other bits). This was 26 years ago. Their mum sent me some flowers and a £20 M&S voucher.

Similarly a school family were given dd's outgrown ballet stuff: a leotard, skirt and cross-over Jersey. They offered to give me some money and I said no. The next day the mum gave me a couple of bottles of wine as a gesture.

With other friends, things just went round. Moses baskets, cardigans (in the days before fleece), monitors, good maternity trousers and a maternity coat that must have ended up covering the backs of six women.

I think they've been CF's and at the very least ahoukd have asked if there was something your DC needed in return. That level of generosity would have encouraged me to give the items to them and expect nothing in return

It's all a bit gimme gimme and entitled imo.

I have given away expensive things to family members, if I don’t need something anymore it gets rid and selling can be such a faff. However if I had something I was planning to sell, I wouldn’t ask a family member to buy it. I would keep quiet to family members and just sell it! 🤷‍♀️

You need to either gift them or sell them. If you explain you’re skint and really need the money, he won’t be offended.

I suppose you need to think about where this might stop. What about bikes as they get older? We’ve got expensive bikes from really early on, sold on and then bought the next size up. Wouldn’t want to feel like there was always someone hanging on for our cast offs. Small items yes but bigger items that are costly, no. In my family, the receiver would likely offer to pay if gifted something big!

agree with this post. It’s ok if the OP wants to, but she shouldn’t be expected to and this will just continue for the kids’ entire lives won’t it as hers is always just one stage older.
one of my best friends passed me loads of her baby things but to the point I feel bad about Receiving everything for free as my child is always just that bit behind hers! So I try and give back by buying her child thinga or her meals when we go out together .The OPs brother does seem to be a bit entitled when he listed what they want next…

Can't believe brother would turn up with a mental shopping list of things he expected to be handed over for free.

They were CF to even ask if you still had them, let's face it they were assuming you were going to offer once they said they still needed them.

The asking alone would piss me off.