To charge family for baby bits

[Cymruhills]

My brother and his wife have recently discovered they're going to be parents for the first time and we, as well as other people have offered them baby things we no longer need.

So far I've mainly gifted them blankets, clothing and smaller items such as a steryliser and a bottle warmer.

We saw them today and they began listing some items they still need to get. Some of which they know we still have as our youngest is still using them/will be growing out of them soon. They were more expensive items (think £100+ to buy new) and things which I would have sold on, to try and make some money back in order to buy things which my children need.

I mentioned that we have some of the items they are looking for and explained that I'd happily pass them on to them but because they're slightly more expensive, I'd just like the amount for them that I would have sold them for (item dependant, but around 25% of the RRP).

My brother looked shocked that I'd mentioned buying them instead of them being gifted, like the other items I've previously given them. My DH says I should just loan them the things and when they're done, sell them then. Things felt a bit awkward and they left soon after.

I'm reluctant to loan the items as they will be in worse condition than they are now and also, it would be quite nice to have the money to spend now, for things that we need for my DC's, not in a year or so.

So, AIBU?

You've given him a bottle steriliser, bottle warmer and clothes so already saved him some money (and others have given him baby stuff too). I bet if you give him a pram, cot etc then he will sell them when he's finished with them. If you need the money then sell them to a stranger when you no longer need the items.

Could you just lend them to him? So when they're done you can have them back to sell. Yes, they'll be worth less but it would make a point

I would not dream of selling to family or friends.

He's a CF. You aren't close, barely see each other. He comes around with a list of expensive things he knows you have and expects you to give them to him for free because "family". No way. What does he do for you? I could understand a bit more if you had a close relationship, or if you had offered them out yourself, but he just sounds grabby.

Most people keep baby stuff unless they are done having dc. Loaning only a good idea if you don't want to get it back. I wouldn't charge friends or family. They can buy secondhand easily enough getting what they actually want.

Would never dream of charging family or close friends for old baby stuff! Can't believe some of the replies or that you are considering this, OP!

I’ve sold a few bigger baby items to my auntie for my cousin to use. Admittedly I thought she already had them so put them on Facebook marketplace and my auntie saw them on there and messaged to ask if they could have them but I didn’t offer them to her for free (maybe I would’ve if money was an issue for them). All my youngest DC clothes I’ve passed on to a friend as he’s out grown them and obviously expected no payment for them (they all well worn after my 2 boys have both worn them anyway).

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to want to
make some of your money back, kids are always expensive and always needing something new at this age.

When I had my youngest, my dss had borrowed money off my dh and owed about £800. Instead of paying g that back he gave us a ton of his baby stuff from his firstborn they had the year previously. So effectively we paid for it, but didn't mind one iota as it helped him out

at the point they said “you’ve still got these haven’t you”, I would have said “Yes, but I’ve been planning to sell them so I could buy an X for DC2” and then just stay quiet and see what they say.

With the items of higher value, stick to your guns and let him have first refusal before it goes on eBay etc. It’s ridiculous of him to expect you to simply give everything away. And you know that borrowing leads to keeping or storing and rarely goes to plan.

The problem here is that they feel entitled to your items and have visualised being given them.

He sounds like a bit of a nob.

I've done the same said some items I will pass on but others I will charge for as I've only kept them and not sold them as I was asked to. Not really sure why it's OK for me and my partner to spend X amount and them spend nothing.

I would just give them first refusal when you have a price and that's it.

I kept things for a while in case we had another child. I find this attitude so grabby.

I would happily pay family for their stuff, especially if they'd given me some things for free.

It would make me happy to think that both my child and theirs would be benefitting from the transaction.

YANBU
It says a lot about his outlook that he assumed you'd be giving him all these high value items.

I can't believe all the replies thinking that whoever has children first should spend a small fortune on baby equipment so that CF relatives can be kitted out for free.

Everyone I know has been very generous on hand me downs, but have sold bigger ticket items on marketplace.

Not everybody is in the same financial situation though. A few extra pounds from selling baby equipment can make all the difference to some people on a budget.

My sil bought lots of our baby stuff. I told her I was going to list lots on eBay/facebook and she said she’d buy it all. She had a really good deal and I got some money be buy new things for the dc. We had to buy everything new because we didn’t know anyone who could pass stuff down to us. We spent quite a lot of money and I couldn’t afford to let it all go for free because we needed new things. Sil was happy to buy it.

I possibly would have offered it. But then again, how much financial assistance did you receive from them or the family in general when you had your first child?

If I had received a lot of stuff or actual financial support from within the family, then I would gift it. If I had received very little or no financial help or had not benefitted from gifting, and had been expected to crack on and buy whatever I needed myself, then I would have to think about giving the more expensive stuff away, just because they are family.

There is no right or wrong.

It's important you sort this now as for the next ten years you could be under the expectation that you will always pass everything to them.

If you're definitely not planning more children I'd say hey how about we pass on to you the things we don't need to sell to fund baby's next stage?

I think it depends how tight money is for you. If you need the money then I can understand. We gave my brother everything they needed including our old cot, pram etc. Other friends gave us expensive stuff too. Even our neighbour gave us some really expensive items (£200 plus). There was never any talk of payment.

My youngest son and wife had their first baby 2 years ago. Eldest son lived in Cardiff at the time and put out requests on all the selling sites for baby stuff. They were offered mountains. Most of it was completely free. The things they needed to buy were only a few pounds. The clothes were mostly lovely and the equipment was in excellent condition. One woman has contacted him regularly since as her child is the same sex and about 8 months older. Everytime she has a new stash she texts him and he goes and collects it. He said how generous she was being. She said it was easier to give them away to someone pleasant and reliable than to get into all the hassle of trying to sell them to get a few pounds.

This.

I've given plenty of large ticket items such as car seats and a travel system but if there is something I'm going to sell I offer it via text first to family at the price I plan on selling it for. They can then decline if it's not wanted. There's never been an issue.

I once gave a friend something on a loan (which I clearly stated) that had resell value - they kept hold of it for 2 years (despite asking for it back) and then sold it themselves. So I don't do that anymore.

Even if Op could afford to give them away-why should she?

If brother thinks he shouldn't have to shell out because "family"-he can look elsewhere.

I remember giving so much stuff away that was I'm gorgeous condition still after DD didn't need them anymore. In most cases we didn't even get a proper thank you.

So many people are incredibly ungrateful of how much money you are saving them when they get stuff for free. Don't forget it's also the value of the time you spent looking for, going to buy and then storing stuff so carefully it can get used again.

If I'd had DD now I'd have either sold it all or given to a charity.

Do you need the money?

If you do, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask, for bigger items.

If I didn’t need the money I would loan the items.

And if your brother has form for being entitled then he probably thinks you’re being petty 🤷‍♀️