To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

Who knows wtf was going on there. I would have waited 15 mins and left without any messages sent. If he was a decent guy who wanted to date you, you would not be sitting alone in a bar asking him where he was. Always drop guys the first time they show you disrespect. Don't bother getting into big discussions about it.

@Growlybear83 Mad accusations that he didn’t really deny. If he was so taken aback by the accusations, surely he would have said ‘WTF are you on about’.

Lucky escape on his behalf! You were extremely OTT and ow him an apology.

I'm astonished he said he still wanted to meet you

Yes, the date was a bust and he handled it badly. You're entitled to decide not to bother any more. But how you got from "upset female friend wants to talk" to "threesome" and then kept going on about it is beyond weird. Whether this friend exists or not is a side issue compared to your bizarre & persistent assumption.

Maybe do a bit less mind-reading when you next have a date?

My money is that there was no female friend there.

Well done for staying safe, op.

I'm amazed at the vote and the responses

I know the bar is on the floor here a lot of the time but....what?!

Are posters that naive? I say this as someone who has only dated IRL, not used OLD.

If you are going on a date with someone you've never even met, you need to be even more careful IMHO.

OP your gut screamed to run away and you did the right thing to listen to it.

Woah! Agree with others he had a lucky escape. Those messages from you were mental!

Yes he cocked up by having a last minute change of plans but rather than cancelling on you because he had a friend in need, he tried to make it a nice evening for all of you. And you just sounded so unbelievably unreasonable that I’m surprised he even turned up in the end.

I can help you here:

I'd have replied "I won't come over thanks. You spend time with your friend and I'll stick to OLD safety guidelines. Maybe we can rearrange something."

And that would be it.

Then I would carefully evaluate the evening's events in my own time, probably talk to friends about it and possibly try a second date in a coffee shop near me at a sensible time of day.

I definitely wouldn't have engaged in that ridiculous text exchange for an hour.

Yeah, I agree with that @EmmaEmerald. But all the YOU THINK I'M COMING OVER THERE FOR A THREESOME (and the rest) is just bonkers.

The obvious thing to do was reply "That's inconvenient. Have a nice evening, I'm off home."

Well done, OP. You were spot on to get out of there and go home.

@Garlickit why is it bonkers?

it might not be the most likely scenario but it's a possible.

@EmmaEmerald I’m disgusted with the responses from other women. Slating and name calling the OP, and total naivety regarding the poor sweet man. What the actual fuck.

OP did fantastic calling him out for being a prick, calling him out straight away on his suggestive comments and for recognising the red flags and leaving and keeping herself safe.

I can see a mile off what this guy was trying to do. Very worrying that others not only can’t see it but are giving this creepy predator sympathy and name calling the OP. So worrying

Did you miss the memo where non consensual sex is now frowned upon? If it was going to be a banging session in his house, then the op would have met him at his house. Not paid for an hour in taxis and spent another hour at the pub waiting for him, while he either legitimately had another woman at his house for the banging session, or he was trying to lure the op in by making her think she’s safe as there’s apparently another woman there. I’m getting vibes from this like when I stayed in sharm el sheik for a while. And men used to rent very cheap cabin boats and approach women on the beach and ask them to come to their boat with their female friends/relatives. I got approached by a man who tried to get me on a boat with his sister. It was clearly fucking empty

Honestly? I’m absolutely cringing for you. You sound like a bit of a fruit loop. But! He sounds like a total wet, for going along with the absolutely crazy messages from you and not just going ‘fuck she’s a bit mental’. So equally both to blame on being bat shit mental. Rein it in though is my thought.

I can see a mile off what this guy was trying to do. Very worrying that others not only can’t see it but are giving this creepy predator sympathy and name calling the OP. So worrying

But you don't actually know what he was trying to do no more than you know he's a creepy predator

Exactly this. What got me is he was articulate and explained what had happened well, and it would endear me to a man whose female friend has been in need and he'd wanted to offer comfort to. That's a nice person.

However you were not being unreasonable to be annoyed at him being late or prefer to have the night you expected.
I'm a night owl myself so a date at 2130 for a few drinks would suit me fine. Not sure why some posters are clutching their pearls over that.

He tried to get OPs address
He tried to get her to go his for first date despite them agreeing to meet in a public place
He stood her up for over an hour
He made suggestive comments that she could go to his and have a good night with him and his friend (having never even met each other before)

He is not a person to be trusted and the OP did right to put her safety first

It's worrying how many people think the female friend yarn is real and/or sweet.

@IMakeCrapCakes "What got me is he was articulate and explained what had happened well, and it would endear me to a man whose female friend has been in need and he'd wanted to offer comfort to. That's a nice person."

On what planet is it a nice person who leaves someone waiting alone in a bar?

I'm all for supporting your friends when they are in need but this wasn't described as an emergency. He could have met his upset friend after the date if she needed him that much.

But also - that was a line! it's very unlikely it was the truth. And you saying it was articulate is making me think the bar is even lower. Ooh, someone can string a sentence together, how amazing.

Posters who can't see the issue here.....have you had zero experience of dodgy men? I realise these lucky women exist but you must know other women who have had bad experiences?

This

What got me is he was articulate and explained what had happened well, and it would endear me to a man whose female friend has been in need and he'd wanted to offer comfort to. That's a nice person.

That's exactly what he wanted op to think!

But what was he actually asking her to do? Go to his house, a stranger's, at 10pm.

Btw would you be interested in some magic beans?

This with bells on!

He sounds like a creep. You're 5 mins from his so he wants you to go there rather than meet in a bar? Hmmmm. Also he wasn't particularly outraged when you asked if it was a threesome which makes me think.... he (and his girlfriend) have set this up. Even the 'you're the one I want to be with' is odd. You were right to leave. He probably used fake photos too.

The bloke's behaviour was odd, imo.

This^ post was several pages back and bang on imo.

I haven't posted on MN in years but the sheer stupidity and/or naivety in these replies has got my piss boiling. OP, you are not insane and you were not overreacting. Your gut instinct did exactly what it needed to do to keep you safe - never second guess that instinct.

If he did have another woman at his home with him, then yes, chances are he was hoping to turn in into a threesome and it was probably a woman he's sexually involved with.
However, what's also possible (and perhaps more likely) is that he was planning to harm you in some way and was using the "female friend" story to lull you into a false sense of security, so that you would go meet him at his house rather than in the safety of a public place. As someone else up-thread pointed out, he also tried to obtain your address by offering to get you an Uber.

Regardless, it's deeply alarming to see how many posters here think he was the one who had a lucky escape... there are a lot of very predatory men out there in the wild, and if your gut tells you something is off, listen to it. Do not listen to random posters on MN whose heads apparently button up the back 🙄