To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

I think you did the right thing not going to his house, you just never know.

however, you sound utterly barking & SEB has had a lucky release. Though I suspect he'll keep messaging you

Why?

Dude messed her about, didn’t show up, tried to get her address, tried to get her to go to his, stayed at his with female friend instead of going to meet OP, left her in the bar on her own for an hour after she’d traveled 30 mins to meet him, had obviously been drinking already, wanted her to go back to his for drinks music and a good time with him and his friend.
Anyone not thinking RUN must be deluded!

Never uber yourself 30 mins to a date. If he wants to meet you, he can come to you. (Not to your house). There's a trend on here of women bending over backwards, travelling miles, making themselves look beautiful for a man that's shown at best a passing interest. Then they get cross because their high intensity effort isn't returned. It's not their fault its yours. Don't do a man's legwork for him. If he's interested he wants to do that for you, he wants to take you on a date that's convenient for you to get to, he'll be proud to make the effort. If not then you know and you've saved yourself some time and the humiliation of running after a guy that's undecided at best.

This

Sweet... Lord of mercy.

OP maybe it wasn't a threesome, not sure that's where my mind would have gone, but saying to someone you're supposed to be meeting for a first date "oh come round to mine with my female friend" is so batshit on so many levels that it deserves nothing other than a batshit reaction.

I wouldn't have wasted my time with all the back and forth, I would have blocked and gone home as soon as I realised he wouldn't be there near the agreed time without a good excuse. But I'm long in the tooth in dating and can take not a sniff more of bullshit.

If it had been a male friend, then the chances are even higher he was after a threesome!

I think I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than date either of you!

This is insane OP. If he wasn't after a threesome he's a wet pushover for not telling her to go asap. You don't need that crap.

You are meant to impress on a date,not suggest some sob story night in. Feck that.

I can't believe these replies!!!! Obviously written by people who haven't experienced OLD. He was definitely hinting at a threesome. He messed you about massively and if he's that flaky on a first date, it would only get worse from there. You have had a lucky escape from the weirdo. Block him and in time it will be a funny story.

I don't disagree with your response (or the other million posts on here about similar circumstances ) I disagree with the timing and the delivery. Why get cross with him? He's just taking up the offer you've laid on a plate. When he suggested it (or worse if you did) you should say you're unavailable sadly, unless he can make it to (local town). And say it nicely. You're the one setting expectations super high then getting angry. He's just responding in the positive to some desperate chick that wants to come to his home town and buy him dinner and then have sex with him.

Definitely this. He was flakey and probably trying it on. I doubt if there was another woman there. I wouldn't have gone to his place and would have gone home, but you came across as very aggressive.

Absolutely this.

Red flags as big as the ones on the Reichstag in 1945

You sound insane!

I mean I am with you that he shouldn’t have been late / messed you, about but the insistence that Seb was insisting on a threesome is just really odd.

What was he doing from 7-10pm that meant he couldn't meet till 10pm?

Maybe the 'three of us could have a good night' wasn't meant to read as suggestively as it comes across but you were right not to go and to call him out on trying to change the plan. He tempts you across London with the promise of a few drinks in a nice bar but then switches it to a few drinks at his either alone with him when you've never met before or with a random woman. He doesn't come across as reliable or considerate of your feelings.

I'd make any first dates coffee dates from now on.

It was a big leap re the threesome, but he didn’t deny it or ask how you came to that conclusion. He said he didn’t JUST want sex. Reading between the lines of a late night Saturday date, had you talked about sleeping together?

This forum totally baffles me. Guy has been described as sweet and the OP unhinged and insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did none of you read those bits where he stood her up and left her in a bar for an hour and tried to coax her back to his with his female friend for a good night? Danger danger screaming off the page to me! But yet the OP is insane? I’m baffled !

Never mind all the weird threesome shite you rocketed to the conclusion of…..
I’m amazed you’d paid for a 30 minute Uber for a man you’d not even met before

also maybe i am a sad old bag but do women go to the house of a man they’ve never met before in this context now? He could be anyone

I would have got out instantly the moment he was talking about his place and chilling with his friend.

@Needtonamechange9 have you heard from him since?

The bar truly is in hell, isn't it

Oh dear, you've made SUCH a fool of yourself! Apart from being late, the poor man did nothing wrong and had to put up with a barrage of mad accusations 😆😆😆

So he first of all wants to order you an Uber so would have your address (well spotted to previous poster).

Then magically, a female friend turns up at gone 9:30pm with no prior contact such as text or phone call where he could have said he had a date.

Then, he asks OP 4 times if she would go to his house!! He put heavy emphasis on this friend being a woman and making sure he put across the idea that he had a soft spot for women's problems and was very caring. There was either no friend there or the friend was actually male and they were up to no good.

Magically, he can ask the friend to leave and be at the location within 5 minutes? Why couldn't he have done that initially?

This guy gives me creepy predator vibes and I think those vibes are exactly why the OP reacted the way she did.

The poor man? I give up

Fuck me. Really? He really did nothing at all wrong?

I hope to God, you, and the other posters thinking he's some sweet caring guy don't have daughter's. If you do, then please make sure someone is keeping them safe and warning them about stranger danger 🙄

What time did he get to the bar? How long we were you waiting?

Leaving the threesome bit aside for a moment....his friend wasn't having an emergency, he should have said he had to go out and he'd be a listening ear tomorrow or whatever. That's if any of it was true of course.

He was

1. late
2. didn't tell her he was late and left her to message
3. took an awful lot of messages before saying any kind of apology
4. did not consider the OPs wishes or feelings
5. did not give a fig about the boundary stepping involved in asking a stranger to come to your house, and repeatedly pushed it when it was clear she was uncomfortable with the whole situation.

I think he did plenty wrong, no "poor guy" about it.