To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

@ILikeItWhatIsIt

I totally agree, and I just burst with pride when my 17 year old daughter's response to this was "eww red flag central". Thank goodness I got something so important right as a mum!! I'd have died inside if she'd have responded with some of the women's posts on here.

@willWillSmithsmith - absolutely: much better safe than sorry.

I just explained this post to my husband and the minute I said “the 3 of us could have a good time” he started laughing and said he wanted a 3som and had that planned all along! I had already thought that myself but seeing the responses from pp I thought maybe I too am “unhinged” 😂 tbh I wouldn’t of even wasted any more time on the man by even having a go at him and left him to it

Glad you ok op

and not dwelling on last night you absolutely did the right thing

when something doesn’t feel right it’s usually because it isn’t

Nice to know there are still so many innocents in the world though 😂

Undecided on the threesome aspect but, undeniable red flags:

1. meeting at 10pm
2. being unable to say no when he has plans
3. trying to get you to go to his houe when you've never met
4. suggesting his friend joins your date
5. his admission he can't say no to women (what else can't he refuse?).

That's quite enough for one man!

The earlier messages were 'so different' for a reason.

That was you being reeled in like a fish, closer and closer, til you were just five minutes away and pretty much a sure thing. Then the tone changed because he didn't feel he needed to do that any more and needed the final pull to get you.

You were right - the weird posters telling you to ignore your instincts, put your entire trust and safety into a weird situation, are wrong.

i wouldn’t worry too much about the “naive women” on the thread. lots of them are bad faith actors of the penile variety and lots of them are just windup merchants

Why would OP leave the bar they were meeting to go to his house to get him and his mate to bring them back to the bar where she just left?

💯

I think he had a lucky escape and is probably now glad his friend turned up. You massively overreacted and accused him of wanting sex with you and his friend. Wtf!!

@carelesser Sorry? Have you read the thread and understood it?
Neither I nor several other posters who pointed out how to date safely are 'lecturing'. That's unfair.

The OP didn't do everything right and I'm shocked you thought that.

She agreed to meet a man late at night. Only knows him by online chat.
Did you miss the part where he first asked for a 10pm date?
In a cocktail bar near his house?
(Not near hers.)
And he ordered her an Uber.

None of that was 'safe' dating.

Yes, she did the right thing by leaving.

Perhaps you too don't know the 'rules' of meeting unknown men?

Same. I felt relief too when my 16 year old said "Ted Bundy vibes". I was actually worried she'd also find the messages absolutely fine given the number of grown women, the majority mothers, who seemed to think the OP had over reacted.

Yes!!!!!! Imagine any man wanting sex and trying it on with a woman he's met online dating! They never do that!!!!

He didn’t order her an Uber, she ordered it herself.

The plan was to meet at 9.30 in a safe and public place.

So you’re the one who hasn’t read the thread and understood it 🙄

She didn’t do anything wrong, stop victim blaming her with your 1950s morality.

Yes!

So many naive people on this thread it’s unreal!

Anyone who has experience of OLD will know that the huge majority of men on those apps are shocking!

My personal experiences are:

Coming across many abusers

I almost met a man who seemed a ‘nice guy’ and had I not done a quick google search on his name I would never have found some old news articles about him previously dating a woman he met on OLD previous and beat her to near death and put her in hospital after 3 months of dating.

I’ve had stalkers from OLD who have found me from the little bit of information I gave them and stalked my social media and messaged me on there despite me telling them I was not interested

ive had creeps get into arguments with me, block me, unblock me a few days later and then start hurling abuse at me again!

I personally know of a guy who was on OLD - he went on a date with a woman, they had a good time and when he dropped her near her home, she tried to lure him into her house. It turned out she was married and it had been a set up to lure him into their house at the end of the night for a threesome!

I have many more disgusting experiences- too many to remember but all I can say is the majority of men on these sites are either just looking for hookups or are serious unhinged in some way!

Op you did right thing! You were not overreacting at all.

You totally over reacted. I think
HE dodged a bullet by not meeting you!

I would have been annoyed at him not being there, worried that he invited you over to his instead before you’ve ever met. That’s dodgy imo. Wouldn’t have automatically jumped to threesome though I would have thought it. He clarified though. Tbh I would have been thinking the female friend was more to make you comfortable/safe going over. Definite dodgy vibes for me. But at the very least he stood you up, that’s not ok. Run, don’t walk.

@Fallenangelofthenorth
It sounds like our daughters would get on 😂
We've raised them well 😁

Nuts.

I skim read the messages. I didn’t realise she was already there, I thought she was on the way there and that’s why he suggested it

What an original thought after 800+ posts. So insightful.

Batshit 🤨

That’s a really good point. I doubt a woman was there.