To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

NEVER give your personal details to strangers OR go to stranger's homes on a first date. Just asking for trouble!

Some of the PPs would be lambs to the slaughter on online dating!

You were right, there was some kind of fuckery going on here. Not sure if it was a threesome, but he definitely tried to manoeuvre you into a situation where he would get sex for the minimum of effort. I think this was on the cards from the start- the late meeting time close to his house is the giveaway.

Well done for weeding him out- the way he quickly jumps to assert he’s looking for a serious relationship shows he knows you rumbled him.

I actually think the guy sounds like a massive weirdo, not the OP. OK, she said "threesome" which is random but, come on - it could have been anything!

Do tell us you are being sarcastic with this comment.

WTF

Yanbu. I mean, I think you overreacted with the jumping to threesomes thinking, but this is super weird behaviour when arranging a first date.

Who shows up at their 48 year old, opposite sex friends house, late at night to discuss boyfriend troubles for a start. Wtf?!

He was rude to not message you when running late and then either stupid or had anterior motives when suggesting you change plans and go to his house. In a first date. With someone you’ve never met before. How are there women on this thread not having big flashing alarm bells going off at this dodgy suggesting! It might have been innocent, but safety 101!! You need new people in a public place 100%.

why the fuck would you want to meet him for the first time, with some random woman in tow as well, even if they are just friends.

you’ve dodged a bullet here!!

This, but also OP arrives and oh "upset friend" has just left. Not automatically safer with him on his own in that scenario especially as (and I don't think it can be said enough) she has never actually met this man.

Decent men do not expect women to throw considerations about their own personal safety to the wind.

Meeting up and having a good time if sex has never been mentioned means going out, having a drink and a chat and a laugh

Oh, yes, so long as sex, rape, or murder aren't mentioned, it's safe!

YANBU to give this guy his marching orders. It would not have been safe to visit his house on your first time of meeting him ( or the 2nd or 3rd etc time) and if he was telling the truth about the friend, he was very rude not to tell the friend he was going to meet you.

He was very late turning up and no way I would have waited for him so long. As soon as he said he had a friend in need turn up, I would have texted him and said that I was going home and we could meet another time, though.

I agree that since he was talking about meeting so late (10pm was his first suggestion) he probably was thinking sex might be on the agenda - but you sounded waayyy over the top with your texts to be honest. Yes there were red flags and you did the right thing not going to his house, but honestly, you sounded OTT with your text replies to him

Just relayed this to my 17 year old daughter - her response was "ewww, red flag central". So yeah, I raised her well 🤩😆

It's astonishing that so many women on here are willing to overlook dangerous red flags because he "was nice in his messages" and was "kindly comforting a female friend".

Sadly I don't think it is.

Some women are so desperate to be in a relationship that they overlook red flags, put up with being treated badly (because it's ok when that isn't happening), just take at face value what they are told...

Wow! I thought I was naive ….but the posters replying here are bizarre! You absolutely were spot on to think his intentions were very dodgy. Very odd. I’d have no contact with this man from here in. Sorry he turned out to be a wrong ‘un. (But, also, never arrange/agree to a first date at 10pm either if you’re looking for a relationship!)

You don't know sex was never mentioned.
They may have had hot and steamy phone sex for all we know.

Honestly are you so naive you can't read the room?

Start by looking at the time of the date, the venue, the Uber he ordered, the vague chance some woman has dropped by to cry on his shoulder.

If it walks like a duck, sounds like a duck....you know the rest.

“Some of the posters on this thread are bonkers.

To recap what we know:

They've been talking for 2 months but never met.
First time meeting organised.
The guy can't meet the OP earlier than 9.30 because he has to drop his kids with the ex.
He is delayed meeting the OP because he has a female friend in his house with boyfriend problems.
The OP has the table booked and waits over an hour while he's still at home with his female friend.
He texts stuff like this to the OP "hey do you want to come here? it's only 5 minutes down the road and the 3 of us can meet together?and "it'll be cool to still you and the 3 of us can have a good night?
Every time the OP pushes for straight answers like why didn't he tell his friend he had plans, he comes out with beauties like "I'm too soft (specially with a woman) when she has problems".

Some of you, the ones telling the OP she overreacted and the ones excusing his behaviour, should seriously stop dating until you develop some healthy boundaries and a good dose of personal safety.

OP, well done. 👏👏”

This with bells on. Some of the women posting on here are dangerously naive. I’ve already posted on this thread but am
posting again because I’m so shocked that it appears so many women would fall for this. Men in these circumstances are NEVER just being sweet. Never. Ask any man you know and they will confirm it. My DH didn’t automatically think 3-some - his first thought was that this guy may well have trying to lure OP round on the false premise that there was another woman there. In other words, he thought this man posed a danger.

Dangerous men (Ted Bundy etc) will use the appearance of niceness to lure women to their deaths. This guy had an agenda and you can be damn sure it didn’t tally with what OP thought she had signed up to.

And, btw, Ted Bundy was married as was the Yorkshire Ripper and Sarah Everard’s rapist and murderer, as have other murderers and rapists been. Some men can maintain apparently normal successful relationships with women, while still being lethal to others.

Every woman who is dating should read @Oncetwicethreetimesalady’s post.

Some of these replies calling OP unhinged and insane are disgusting

Some very naive posters on here who have clearly have had a sheltered life

OP it was clear that he was trying his luck. I'd have been off home after waiting half an hour

And I've suspected him of threesome too. The language he used was a dead giveaway.

Sorry you had your time wasted but glad you went with your instincts.

I don’t think anyone is suggesting she should have gone to his house, of course she shouldn’t have. But a short and simple “nope that’s not happening, I’m going home” would have done. Red flags all round.

To the missogynists people accusing the OP of being batshit/mental/psycho for jumping to conclusions and reacting, while I probably wouldn’t have said anything, reacting is, contrary to what people think on here, an incredibly good idea. Because it shows these men that people are on to their game.

Anyone who thinks this language didn’t imply a threesome is frankly an idiot. Naive is too soft an approach here.

We need to see this for what it is. Creepy, fucked up, sleazy behaviour. Even if he didn’t have a threesome in mind, his language and his actions said the opposite.

So if the OP reacted then that’s on him. The one worthy of an apology is the OP.

And for anyone telling the OP she should be apologising to him, take a long hard look at yourselves and ask yourselves just what it is you’re suggesting.

Or shall I spell it out. You’re suggesting that a woman isn’t entitled to put her safety first. Isn’t entitled to call a man out on his shitty behaviour. At what point is she allowed to react? When he gets her to the door and the threesome is there and waiting? Or when the other woman turns out not to exist and he coerces her into sex anyway or worse?

We need to encourage women to react, not discourage.

I personally would have just told him to fuck off. But that wouldn’t have changed the fact that I was certain he was up for a threesome or that he was a creep in some other way. Voicing it doesn’t make that thought process wrong. So she said it out out. Good for her.

Only read the first two pages of posts, but think the OP was right.

When I read that, I didn’t think of a threesome at all. I assumed he meant that the three of you could have a good time at the place you were meant to meet. But then he started talking about coming round to his place which is ridiculous. Why is there also another person there on the first date? He’s a weirdo.

The fact that this thread is nearly hitting 40 pages (just like the train lady thread) in such a short amount of time, is really interesting. MNetters love a good date thread - with pics too!

I'm not 💯 positive he meant a threesome, but whatever the intention you were right to fuck him off. He was, at the least, exceptionally rude.
Tbh his replies also sound repetitive and rather AI, or stock answers, as if he's quite practiced in this.

Most posters are focusing on the accusation of a threesome and not reading the other aspects of this date.

ALL dating sites have safety rules/ advice.

I listed them way back in this thread.

Meet in public ideally daytime, don't give your address, don't take a cab late at night (have your own transport sorted), tell friend where you are and what time you expect to be home (or phone them anyway if you decide to stay over with a guy) don't drink, so your judgement is affected.....etc etc.

The OP was putting herself in danger with the venue, timing, transport, etc.

thankfully she had a lucky escape before it got worse.

Some of these replies calling OP unhinged and insane are disgusting

I agree. I can't believe what I'm reading tbh. Batshit and insane for not believing a clearly bullshit story and not putting herself in danger. It makes me wonder who is writing some of these replies and what on earth their motives could be.

👏🏻👏🏻

So if you agree his behaviour was dodgy to say the least then I don’t see why the OP suspecting dodgy motives on his part and telling him so is a problem to you and half the people posting on this thread. They had had a 2 month online relationship prior to this date and so some sort of dialogue between them is only to have been expected as a result of this situation. Why so many of you are giving this poor woman a hard time is unfathomable apart from it isn’t becsuse this is Mumsnet where so many like an excuse to put the boot in and be nasty.

I can’t believe the stock @Needtonamechange9 is getting on here. If wanted her to go over with the friend suggesting they could have a good time together.

So often on here women are told to trust their instincts, op did just that and is being told she’s a weirdo. @Needtonamechange9 you carry on trusting those instincts, he was the weird one, not you.