To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

Absolutely. And then saying that makes him a "nice guy?" Are people really that naive?

I’m really surprised by the responses here. You trusted your gut and left.
A 10pm date which soon turned into ‘come over and see us…’ sounds dodgy as hell.
he might not have been angling for a threesome, but you definitely did the right thing.
Block, delete.

Eh? On the grounds that he was late, and was suggesting I go to his house when he was a stranger. Neither of those things are ok. The lateness could maybe be excused depending on the reason, but a stranger expecting me to turn up at his house? Fuck that. That would be more than enough for me to nope out of there without creating any narratives about threesomes or anything else.

Every single woman on here needs to save this post. Oncetwice is the most sensible person on this site.

Yep.

And even if you had a friend who did just rock up without warning, you'd tell them your plans and as an absolute minimum you'd message the person you'd left sitting by themselves in a bar asap, ffs.

None of this is remotely normal behaviour by this dodgy guy.

Well I think she was unreasonable to mention a threesome and become obsessed with that. Not at all unreasonable to leave when someone runs late and then says they are prioritising a distressed friend over you. When he said do you want to come here I'd just have said no and depending on how long I'd been waiting then either I'm leaving now or I'll leave in 10 minutes..

Didnt vote because both unreasonable and reasonable.

I wouldn't be surprised if he was in the pub, spying on you the whole time. Getting a kick out of watching you wait. Then trying to see your reaction to getting invited to his house. He sounds potentially dangerous. Sends an Uber so he has your address to stalk too. All the "he seems like a nice guy" rubbish...aye, and so do all the other psychos that use niceness as a way to manipulate women into trusting them before the abuse begins. He was massively testing OP's boundaries too - seeing how much he could get away with. Checking if she's forgiving or has weak boundaries and therefore an easy target to manipulate.

It's astonishing that so many women on here are willing to overlook dangerous red flags because he "was nice in his messages" and was "kindly comforting a female friend". Ted Bundy managed to murder a lot of women by being nice and charming and lulling them into a false sense that he was harmless and kind.

well the invite to come over was a tad odd, but maybe he's juggling commitments/loyalties and have no reason to think he knew the friend was coming round. let alone that he was planning a threesome. I feel you have a fevered imagination. I think he swerved one.

Spot on @Oncetwicethreetimesalady !

The whole thing is off meeting late at night close to his home is a big no.

It was all a setup and is nonsense anyone sensible does not go to a strangers house on a first date! They could literally be anyone it is not safe…

Whether he had a woman, man or whoever there is wasn’t all okay…

Block and don’t speak to him again it’s off to say the least.

As soon as he said he’d a friend round and wanted you to come to his house would be a huge red flag for me! You had a lucky escape!

I think you had a lucky escape @Needtonamechange9.

I’m assuming he has blocked you.

Oops posted too soon.
He stood you up basically with an odd excuse.

This thread is chaos. I mean seriously. The guy spoke to her for two months, never once mentioned sex and some folks think that his opening gambit on this first date was to lean in for a surprise threesome.

aye. That’s the most likely scenario 😂😂😂

Yes but your mate knew you and your husband ? The op had never met this man . I can’t believe the amount of people saying she was mad for not going over to a stranger’s house at night to god knows what.

Yes he might be a perfectly genuine man but who can say he is or isn’t ?

In which case why would you interpret meeting up and having a good time to having a threesome.

Meeting up and having a good time if sex has never been mentioned means going out, having a drink and a chat and a laugh

I have female friends who have said let’s meet up and we will all have a good time. They must have been very disappointed in me I made no effort to end up in bed with them all🤣

He might have been naive in asking you to go to his place but I think you jumping to the conclusion immediately to him bringing the friend along because of the circumstances to him wanting a threesome is quite extraordinary

OP YANBU.

His messages are very clear & he’s a fecking chancer. Totally unacceptable of him to expect you to travel all that way for a first date and then conveniently pop round to his place to help “console an upset female friend”.

Disappointed in some of the responses here, no wonder defence barristers in SA trials love a predominantly female jury!

This situation is odd. Fixing a first date so late in the night is itself odd. The fact that neither of you have had time to meet for 2 months! How would you have sustained any further dates? Sometimes long periods of texting builds confusion and misunderstanding because we start to build expectations of that person.
His suggestion of you coming over to his is also odd and random. But your reaction of threesome was bizarre. Perhaps you should have asked him why he thinks its ok to be flaky as that is disrespectful. It is possible that his friend actually turned up. Didn't you trust him enough, if you have been texting for so long? In any case, he could have handled it better and so could you, by simply asking to re-arrange or say you weren't interested anymore.

Wow, hilariously weird exchange! I would not date a guy who routinely has female friends dropping at his house unannounced, expecting help and shoulder to cry on. I mean, this was supposed to have been your first date, ffs?! He is either soft in the head, a player or one of those guys who is proud to have "a lot of female friends" and values them more than his partner (I dated someone like that when I was young, it was grim).

You, on the other hand!! Accusing his of wanting a threesome and being drunk )) A bit random, and actually quite funny. But - I would have left, too. Just because he was so late, kept changing plans and for general flakery. And for saying "it is not a date".

You absolutely did the right thing op. Some of the posts here are laughably naive. He's an utter fucking weirdo. Hope you're having a nice Sunday and not too disappointed. Onward x

You sound full on insane

It was an assumption that he wanted a threesome BUT why on earth would ANYONE go to some stranger's flat when there was another adult there? You only have his word that it is a woman. You could walk in and find two men! Your first thoughts should be for your personal safety and not getting yourself into a situation in a second location over which you have no control and nobody knows where you are!

Some of the posters on this thread are bonkers.

To recap what we know:

They've been talking for 2 months but never met.
First time meeting organised.
The guy can't meet the OP earlier than 9.30 because he has to drop his kids with the ex.
He is delayed meeting the OP because he has a female friend in his house with boyfriend problems.
The OP has the table booked and waits over an hour while he's still at home with his female friend.
He texts stuff like this to the OP "hey do you want to come here? it's only 5 minutes down the road and the 3 of us can meet together? and "it'll be cool to still you and the 3 of us can have a good night?
Every time the OP pushes for straight answers like why didn't he tell his friend he had plans, he comes out with beauties like "I'm too soft (specially with a woman) when she has problems".

Some of you, the ones telling the OP she overreacted and the ones excusing his behaviour, should seriously stop dating until you develop some healthy boundaries and a good dose of personal safety.

OP, well done. 👏👏

You sound like a weirdo, he dodged a massive bullet there!!!

Of course!!! It would be disappointing and I'd have expected him to make the date BUT you jumped to all sorts of conclusions there 🤣🤣🤣

You’re not unreasonable. He stood you up with some crappy excuse that tried to make him seem like an amazing sensitive man who just can’t leave a friend in need. Very unlikely she would just turn up unexpected like that, and if she did it was rude of him not to help her, but tell her he had a date and had to be somewhere.

I can’t see a good scenario here. Either way he was trying to get you to his house when that wasn’t the plan. Why the hell would you want to chill and listen to music with a woman you’d never met and the man you’ve been chatting to?