To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

It’s very disturbing that it might be women posting here that the OP has some sort of debt of politeness to this guy when (putting aside for one min the massive red flags of danger) he was also incredibly rude and disrespectful of her to not turn up on time and not call to explain.

This is really odd behaviour. He’s stood you up. Then he’s not reacted that normally when you’ve said he’s wanting a threesome. He didn’t seem shocked when you suggested it. I wouldn’t date him.

It's just bloody weird to suggest bringing a third person along to a first date. If this guy is single as he claims then this kind of weirdness might be the reason why he is single.

This guy sounds like an absolute weirdo! At best he's just an idiot, but I agree this comes off way creepy and like he was trying to organise some sort of threesome. If it wasn't about sex he could have suggested bringing the friend out with him (still a dick move, but suddenly changing to asking someone over to your house late at night is odd and sets off alarm bells for me). I think you did the right thing by leaving - threesome or not, if this is how he acts on a first date, you can see now what you're setting yourself up for in a relationship with him - being ditched because he's apparently too much of a pushover to tell someone he has plans with you. If he can't prioritise you on a first date where impressions are everything then he won't ever do it. Not sure why so many people think you're overreacting. I think you were very patient and a lot more polite than you could have been personally!

But which is more important? That OP keep herself safe and that here, on a website primarily for women, we perpetuate the idea that women should be suspicious of dodgy men on OLD…

OR…

that we should get in a little dig at OP along the way? Muddy the waters a bit with accusations of being ‘unhinged’ and ‘batshit’ in her struggle to deal with a predator so that the next woman trying to navigate a similar situation doubts herself that little bit more?!

Ffs.

I think he was after a 3some too! He denied it… but nowhere near enough.

Astounding replies telling OP she owes him an apology!

Putting aside everything else - the lateness, the weirdness of having another woman there (who is supposedly terribly upset yet strangely up for having a “good time”) etc - it is completely wrong for a man to change a “first date in public venue” to a “come to my house for wine”. A man who does that is clearly just wanting sex, and also ignoring the fact that it’s not a safe thing for a woman to do.

I think some are naive about the dismissing the threesome accusation...theres a lot of couples looking for women to have a threesome with on these sites, and a lot of them pretend to be single at first and then drop in that they have a partner or a 'friend' and shall we all meet together. There's a reason single women are called unicorns in those communities because there are so many couples looking for it and not many single women who want to! Hense why some people try and trick women into going along with it hoping they like the guy enough to go and meet up.

Nowhere did I say she shouldn’t have mentioned the threesome so as to be kind, not cause offence or hurt his feelings

He treated her very poorly. That should have been enough for her to bin him off and block him. There was no need to go off on one about the threesome, it didn’t serve any purpose for her.

This! Jesus he’s absolutely been on a 7pm date too! 🤣

Would you not think having a ‘good time’ in a flat with a man you’ve never actually met (but were supposed to go on a date with) and his ‘friend’ you haven’t met either is a very odd and potentially dodgy suggestion? What would you have thought and how would you have reacted in this scenario?

@cremebrulait what on earth have I just read, you seem incredibly naive

I'm old and long married but who goes out on a date at 10pm. I always met someone for a drink at 7ish then ,if it was going well , you could add food and there were hours of the evening available for chatting. 10pm is not the time to meet a man who is actually interested in you as a person rather than a handy shag.

I think it was more people saying OP was weird, she's jumping to conclusions, she owes him an apology, he's just being a "nice guy", etc. No. She was on the right track with something here!

Exactly, a few of my best friends are male. Some married, others single. I’ve known them all for at least 15 years. I’d never imagine they were suggesting a threesome if they invited me over to have a good time with them and their friend /partner.

Completely different when it’s a man you’ve never even met in person before.

Especially because what he’s saying isn’t making sense - the friend was allegedly too upset to be turned away but equally the same friend is up for a “good time” with them both??!

You dodged a weirdo.

Op, I'm completely with you on your theory. I don't think you overreacted, as another PP said, he didn't deny it. And if posters here haven't been on the Online Dating Scene recently, they wouldn't know this is basically what it's like. I think you got it spot on tbh. Certainly don't apologise!

@EmilyTjP you absolute moron.

approximately 85 thousand women report rape or sexual assault in the uk every year. Thats report not experience.

More than 2 women a week are murdered by men every week.

It's not a rare thing it's an every day thing. And unless men change women have to protect them selves and assume worst case scenario.

I think reflecting on one’s own behaviour and reactions is often helpful, and objective views can aid this.
Perhaps the op (and others reading) can see from the discussion that in her haste to leap to one conclusion she completely overlooked some personal safety concerns and had actually heady missed a red flag before the date itself. She was so caught up in the “I’m not having a threesome/who even is this woman/you want to fuck her” outrage that she appears to have missed the loud alarm bells. The end result (her not going to his house) was ok but how she achieved that was less so, with a side order of utterly pointless conversation thrown in.

Absolutely this!!!!! You did the right thing OP. Its a long shot but his friend could have been another bloke planning something sinister.

Of course it's a long jump but first dates and first meet ups should be in public.

Are the people on here calling OP batshit etc women themselves? If so I’m astounded at their reaction. Even if she did incorrectly jump to threesome vibes (we don’t know if that was wrong or not), calling other women batshit and unhinged because they suddenly felt their autonomy/safety compromised is really disappointing.

She did jump to conclusions! That doesn't mean anyone thinks she should go to his house. That would be stupid. She can stay in a public place without assuming he just wanted her round for a threesome.

This 💯
Who is to say the mate actually existed.

Perhaps this thread is an experiment to see how poor some women’s judgement is when meeting people like this. In which case, it seems to show that many are hopelessly gullible. “He seems nice”. Dear me.

Wow!!! So many posters on this thread have incredibly low standards when it comes to behaviour from a new man and absolutely no boundaries or self respect.

"He sounds like a nice guy" - wtf? After 2 months he suggests a Saturday night date at 10pm, 5 minutes from his house but 30 minutes from hers. Then he stands her up - no quick call or message to say he's sorry he'll be late or won't make it. Leaves her waiting AN HOUR whilst ignoring her messages. Tries to persuade her to come to his house instead. If there really was "a friend" why not nip along to the pub with said friend and explain the situation. He supposedly couldn't let the OP know that he was going to be late because he was consoling his friend yet managed to get into a lengthy back and forth trying to persuade her to come to his house to join him and his "friend".

For a 1st date I would expect the guy to be excited to meet me and prioritise that plan. If there was a major reason he couldn't make it I'd expect him to let me know. There's no excuse in this day and age not to send someone a quick message or voice note.

OP you have dodged a major bullet there. Imagine throwing up so many red flags before you've even met. Get him blocked. I wouldn't have let him order my Uber as I wouldn't want a guy I had never met to know my address. Quite right not to go to his house.