To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

What do you get out of calling OP ‘batshit’? Seriously? Why even bother?

Isn’t it more important that women pick up on these dodgy men? Isn’t that the issue here? Rather than whether OP’s texts were a bit too free about her suspicions?

I cannot get my head around women actually bothering to join this thread just to police OP’s texting style. It’s like “yes OP may have avoided being murdered/coerced into a weird sexual situation BUT BUT she’s also a bit weird in her texts”

FFS.

I couldn't read all that nonsense.

At the point where you were waiting and he had 'been delayed fifteen minutes' with 'a friend', that was the point to end the conversation and leave.
Unless you'd pre-arranged that you would be having sex with him that night, you moved on from 'Meet for a drink' to 'Have sex, are you asking for a threesome?' very quickly.

If I'd agreed to sex, a man not giving me absolute and complete attention would cause me to change my mind rapidly. Barry, I mean you. Stop acting as if you don't understand.

You need to get a hobby tbh.

One thing's for sure OP, if it was an elaborate tale to get you to his place - he will think hard about doing that again.......
And on a re-read, I think it was.

Honestly, you totally did the right thing. Unfortunately, I've come across guys like this before and I don't think your suspicions about the threesome were that unfounded. Plus it would've been really dangerous to go round his house. Well done in trusting your instincts. If nothing else, he was very rude. xx

Exactly this op 🚩

But why shouldn't she have mentioned threesomes and his weird as fuck behaviour? To avoid offending him? Why does it matter whether or not he had hurt feels? Why did she have to keep quiet and be kind?

He wasn't offended in any case. He still kept trying to persuade her to go round to his for a few drinks/rohypnol and then supposedly turned up an hour later wearing a blue jacket...

I just asked my (male) dp about this.

Didn’t show him the messages, just said “woman on a first date, arranged at a bar 30 minutes away, waited for an hour, and then he texted saying a female friend had turned up upset and she could go round for “drinks and a good time,”” and his immediate response was “yeah right. He wanted a threesome.”

Anyone saying the OP is overreacting is wrong. There isn’t a wrong response to a creep insisting you go to his house alone on a first date when he has stood him up for an hour. In fact the only wrong response would have been for her to agree to go there.

And all I can say is, I hope to Christ none of you accusing the OP of being a psycho have daughters.

Creepy as hell.

These things happen . He's sounds like a nice guy who got into an awkward situation then further dealt with it badly. I can definitely understand you being stood up, but think you might have really badly overreacted to the situation

LOL at some of the posters giving this weirdo the benefit of the doubt. The fact that he’s 48 and sounds about 16 on the messages says it all. I’d say your instincts were right about the threesome OP, and even if they weren’t, it’s a joke that he was pulling this crap

1000% agree.

Op,please don't doubt yourself or your instincts. He was weird, asking to meet so late and then changing to his house at the last minute with a "nice guy rescuing a damsel in distress" story. He isn't nice if he let you travel 30mins in a taxi, then left you in a bar alone, waiting for him. I doubt he turned up - something was definitely dodgy and you may never find out what or why.

I am stunned that some women think this is acceptable behaviour. What low boundaries

If his tale was true, he should have sent you a message when the "friend" turned up at his, not when you were already at the bar waiting for him. He was dodgy.

I’m really surprised with people saying you owe him an apology. I think you were complete right!

I think you got the wrong end of the stick tbh. There was nothing there to suggest he wanted a threesome?
His friend turned up and was upset so he wanted to be there for her, he offered for you to join them, I probably would have said ‘no’ but there was no need to accuse him of wanting to fuck his friend 😬

Also, even if this Sir Galahad Friend of Upset Women scenario was absolutely true in every detail, why would anyone want to spend a first meeting/date consoling another total stranger about her "boyfriend trouble"?

He sounds utterly weird.

@MayThe4th
Interestingly, i read the text exchange out to my DH too. I got as far as "why don't you come here and the three of us can meet together?" and DH's eyebrows went up instantly. I hadn't yet read any further to OP's comments about a threesome and he said, "yeah, that guy was trying his luck setting up a threesome". That's a man's objective first take on those messages. 🤷‍♀️

Yanbu. So many people on apps are couples looking for threesomes.

Nobody is calling her unhinged for leaving. People are agreed she should have left.
Some people think she is unhinged for her leaping to conclusions about him wanting the threesome and engaging in protracted debate with him about it. You think her suspicions were ‘entirely reasonable’, many others don’t, and indeed many have pointed out that she jumped straight to an actual threesome without seeming to consider that there were more concerning personal safety risks here. Even if her suspicions about a threesome were entirely reasonable, her engaging in discussion with him about it was ridiculous, particularly the longer it went on.

As a pp has said, his behaviour was shit, the op’s reaction was also off, the two can exist together.

I disagree with a lot of posters, he was rude to not let you know he was going to be late, he seems like a bit of a wet blanket to not mention to his friend that he was on his way out to meet someone. I don't think I've ever just turned up at a friends house with 'boyfriend trouble' since I was about 18..all seems a bit immature tbh. What person these days doesn't just call or message before turning up at 9pm at a mates house, I don't think it's completely truthful tbh.

And I wouldn't want to go from having a first date with a guy to going over and spending the day with him and a female friend.

I did get an idea he may be hinting at a threesome aswell tbh but that may be because I know a lot of these situations are set up on dating sites, people pretending to want to date but actually are a couple looking for a woman to have a threesome with!

Either way, I don't think u overreacted.

All I can assume is there must be loads of bots replying to this to say the OP was wrong. So many red flags. Regardless of whether this ‘poor innocent bloke’ was suggesting a threesome or not he sounds like a flaky dickhead and asking OP to come over to his house when he hasn’t ever met her is a big No.

Please nobody doing OLD reading this and thinking ‘what would I have done’ think this is an acceptable thing for anyone to ask.

The replies saying OP is crazy for jumping straight to the threesome accusation are sheltered and naive. Probably the same women who think their husbands don’t watch porn.

The type of post you write when still drunk from the night before 😂

I don't think OP was in the wrong at all. His female friend came over with boyfriend issues? Bollocks. I wouldn't believe that at all.

Quite.