To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

I hope this was generated by AI. You both sound mad.

Another thread where the majority of posters get it completely wrong, because they’d rather stick the boot into OP. No shock there! God mumsnet is the pits these days.

Yes OP you were right to trust your instincts. It was plain as day he was pushing your boundaries. He probably tries this exact play on many woman - yes, angling for a threesome. The “damsel in distress” woman is probably his wife or gf who is in on it.

If he was a normal bloke with a friend in crisis, he’d either have texted “so sorry I’m going to be late/have to cancel due to a friend in crisis” or he would have sent the friend away due to having plans.

Thought you ‘cba’? Very convincing, as I said.

This. He is probably nice but misjudged it all a bit but who's going to take that risk? Op banging on about sex makes it look like you are sex obsessed.

Agree with PPs, first dates are a quick coffee and you have somewhere to go an hour and ten after. Night time with cocktails and that sort of distance is crazy.

LOL at some of the posters giving this weirdo the benefit of the doubt. The fact that he’s 48 and sounds about 16 on the messages says it all. I’d say your instincts were right about the threesome OP, and even if they weren’t, it’s a joke that he was pulling this crap.

I don’t think it was beyond the realms of possibility at all.

Although I wouldn’t have voiced it as immediately as the OP (but then I don’t know what vibe their previous communications have been like) I might well have thought it. There was something very off about his texts, suggesting he, the OP and this ‘friend’ could have a good time together instead of the original date planned is not normal behaviour!

You are bonkers.
I'd be running for hills if I was him.

Exactly. There are two points for discussion here, one being his disrespectful, dodgy behaviour and the second being the OP’s reaction to it.

The wording "we could both have a fun night" or whatever it was - weird, just weird. He knew it was a provocative way to word it and was, in my opinion, testing the waters with OP there.

This! It is clear as day. The lack of instinct and/or life experience of some of the posters here is wiiild.

Lol it’s so frighteningly absurd isn’t it ? . The man’s whole tone was off . He was almost gaslighting her pretending everything was normal and that he hadn’t suggested anything weird. It was like he thought his casual polite/mild tone could mask for the incredible rudeness of his behaviour.

I’d be apologising profusely if I left a friend in a bar by themselves let alone a first date who had traveled 30 mins by Uber.

And a pp made a good point that he could’ve quickly popped around and left his friend for ten minutes since he lived so near. At least show up briefly, apologise in person for wasting their time and give them some cash to pay for their Uber trip.

If it was 30 minutes away I’m assuming it was at least £15 each way OP had to pay and the man should foot the bill

To be clear, I’d be happy to pay for my own travel to meet a date but not when I’ve been stood up so it’s literally a wasted journey.

Why would you sit there for an hour!?

anyone who doesn’t just stick to the arrangements as agreed is clearly a prick but there are a million more red flags all over this

The place for the date should be equidistant from your homes or nearer to yours. Never round the corner from his.
why would he be getting you an Uber? So he has your address? so he can “ accidentally” have the taxi bring you to his house?

Never meet up so late at night for a first date
Never wait more than 10-15 mins If he hasn’t contacted you with a cast iron reason for lateness
Never go round to a stranger’s house at any time of day, let alone late at night. if someone suggests it block and run.

he was being manipulative and you were right to be suspicious.

All are agreed that his treatment of the op was poor, shoddy, disrespectful, thoughtless, disregarding her personal safety concerns etc etc etc.

Are they now? Even the ones calling her ‘unhinged’? Try again.

The OP’s original question was if she was unreasonable to leave. If you’re saying she wasn’t unreasonable, why the need to keep pouncing on people who are robustly defending the OP? It’s almost as if you can’t wait to have a little dig at her (entirely reasonable) suspicions about men and their dodgy behaviour. Why might that be? 🤔

Spot on. You did well to get away.
I'd just advise not spending 2 months chatting to someone before you meet them, also, if it's such a struggle to meet up, that's probably a bad sign. You're either available to date or you are not. Totally creepy how he is saying the only one he wants to be with is you - you hadn't even met!

He sounds like a total chancer. Well done for having boundaries. Block him.

I cannot believe people are name-calling the OP 🤦🏻‍♀️

This. Tbh I think he should run for the hills. Wtaf were you thinking???

Another thread where the majority of posters get it completely wrong, because they’d rather stick the boot into OP. No shock there! God mumsnet is the pits these days

^ absolutely agree many are like sheep

i personally don’t think he had any intention of meeting unless he could get out. In other words he is with someone he would have called you if held up, on his way but he can’t do that in front of a partner

either way for the op her bar isn’t so low she would be understanding 🙄 to a man who messes her around on the first date good for her !

So the only way you can have a good night with two other people is a threesome??? Omg I think he has had a lucky escape tbh

Out of curiosity, why do you think HE should run for the hills? Do you think its normal for a man to not meet his date and change the plans at the last minute to do what he can to get the date to turn up as his accommodation instead? You don't see any issues with that? Just curious.

His lack of priorities is red flag in my opinion.

This!

yeah, that was another red flag- his unavailability for 2 months. All the chatting could be seen as grooming. Once you are super invested and he has built up a lot of “trust” with you through messaging. Then it’s so so much easier for them to push boundaries.
always remember that the good job and the kids and everything else could all be made up bullshit.
better to be suspicious and safe than trusting and raped/dead

Your instincts were right - 1) the date was much closer to him than you, 2) he made an empty offer to book you an Uber and didn’t follow through, 3) he tried to make the date start at 10pm, 4) he was late without letting you know, 5) he texted rather than called to apologise, 6) instead of rushing over when he knew you’d got a bad impression he kept texting ‘I’ll ask her to leave if you want’

That’s all the facts, and what on earth was potentially going on with this other girl is another matter entirely but I wouldn’t be giving him the benefit of the doubt.

You'd never actually clapped eyes on him IRL OP and while my thoughts would have been he's tight and lazy at one end of the scale/mad axeman at the other, rather than angling for a threesome, you did the right thing binning him off and going home.

I think OLD can encourage a false sense of security and intimacy around people you basically don't know from Adam.

And people on here are falling for it. I cannot believe there are people (women?) on here who think he sounds ‘nice’ (really???) or owed an apology (yee gods!) etc.

Some people really need to give their gut instinct a dusting.