To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

MRAs at work again.

OP didn’t make it weird. The guy was, at best, a chancer. At worst a genuine danger.

For those saying they’d have been conflicted if a friend turned up before a first date - It shows you have poor boundaries if you can mess a date about because a friend is upset about their boyfriend and turn up unannounced which is massively inconsiderate on their part.

You either cancel the date outright, apologise and offer to reimburse the woman by PayPal or something for their wasted Uber journey OR you tell your friend sorry but you had pre-existing plans with a first date and there’s a woman waiting by herself in a bar . Tbh any decent friend would tell you to get on with the date.

If she travelled far and he really didn’t want to kick her out for some reason , but still wanted to go on the date he could even have said to the friend, they can stay late/ overnight in his house but he’ll pop out and be back in a couple of hours then they can chat then or the next morning.

There was no need to have OP hanging around or inviting her to his house last minute for a first date. And note when Op put her foot down and said she wasn’t coming over, he did switch and tell his supposedly massively upset friend to leave. He should’ve done that from the start.

I would be laughing if it wasn't so serious.

"Hey babe, for our first date, meet me at 10pm...er, because I need to drop my kids off, yeah, that's why....oh all right, 9.30pm, and oh no, I've accidentally got another woman at my house, sorry, why don't you just come over here instead and the three of us can have a good night...er, because I'm a great friend who treats women really well, that's why! What do you mean, it sounds dodgy?? How can you say such a thing! Oh all right, I've booted her. You're still coming, right? Hello? Hello?"

And people are saying OP sounds like a liability??

I think he was disrespectful of your time and rude, so you'd have been justified in binning him off because of that.

But I also think you're insane and massively overreacted and went down a weird path accusing him of wanting sex and threesomes. You will justifiably be a crazy online dating story he tells to his mates.

I think he sounds odd so don't blame you! Always funny how these random friends just turn up unexpectedly! And yes the 3 of you having a "nice" night would ring alarm bells for me too.

Why did you keep saying he wanted a threesome? At worse it sounded like he was trying to coax you to his house and had pretended a woman was there to get you off guard. But you getting jealous of her and asking about threesomes was strange.

I can’t believe a lot of these responses….. Yes you did the right thing and I absolutely read it as sleazy seb was trying to get himself a three some.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of couples on dating sites who look for a 3rd person to ‘have fun’ with and rather than being honest they do shitty things like this to trick people (usually women) in to these situations.

Your gut was right and well done for leaving - even if it was an hour later than you should have done!

@PoisonMaple how naive are you !

This sounds weird as fuck and well dodgy, to use the vernacular.

I actually cannot believe the answers on there, people amswerinf please apologise and you massively overreacted, can you please never advise anyone IRL?? 😂😂😂

How is this guy's behaviour even remotely normal, do you relly believe a guy would stand up a date he was genuinely looking forward to because of a female friend who has boyfrien issues? A man of 45 years old? Really?!!!!

oh and I forgot his flat is conveniently 5mn away but no he couldn't have come and explained to OP in person if there reqlly was an emergency.

Wake up!!

You overreacted wildly.

Hook, line and sinker 😂

Agree with all of this, and I'm usually quite laid back!

I'd have initially not agreed to a date so late, 10pm is a ridiculous time to meet for a first date... but then the lack of an update when his "friend" shows up unannounced, when he knows he's got a first date planned. Both red flags.

The wording "we could both have a fun night" or whatever it was - weird, just weird. He knew it was a provocative way to word it and was, in my opinion, testing the waters with OP there. Why not, "we can all chill at mine / have a drink together", or similar? I'd have come to the same conclusion as OP from that wording, albeit I wouldn't have gone on and on about it. But I'd still have thought that.

And claiming to be such a white knight - can't possibly leave a woman in a difficult position, yet asks OP, a woman he has yet to meet, to come to his house at the last minute instead of meet in a public place? Nah. Not buying that. Total creep, dodgy as fuck.

My spidey senses are tingling OP! You dodged a bullet there.

Your assumptions are absolutely bonkers. No he should not have asked you to come round and should have been on time. But thinking he was suggesting a threesone is odd.

I've just looked it up and it's estimated that 25% of women have been sexually assaulted or raped in the UK. I thought it was higher to be honest. So certainly far from "rare".

The idiocy of some of the posters on here is absolutely mindblowing. I showed the messages to my 16 year old daughter without comment, and she said "Ted Bundy vibes". I hope these women do not have daughter's - particularly the one's saying HE'S dodged a bullet, sounds "articulate", "chill", OP owes HIM an apology. Thank FUCK schools are teaching our children how to stay safe, because they sure as shit aren't being taught by their parents in a lot of cases. So many women seem to think women should be polite, say nothing, give him the benefit of the doubt, even after acknowledging there were red flags. WTF???

The man was dodgy as hell. It was definitely OP that had a lucky escape here. The posters saying OP should apologise are very wrong.

But she was still batshit! They are not mutually exclusive things. That whole conversation was utter batshit. It seemed to go on and on with OP repeatedly talking about sex and threesomes with this dodgy guy. She was batshit to get into this and not to block him immediately. And as for the threesome accusations, well, it had potential for much much worse.

Yay you win! What’s the prize? Feeling good about yourself for the first time this week I imagine.

YANBU to have left. You made the effort to meet him, he kept you hanging there on your own, and then said he was bringing his female friend.

Going to a 3some was a bit of a leap, but you do need to protect yourself from crazy people off the internet.

As soon as he was 20 mins late, with no decent excuse, I would have left. You didn't need to go into the drama about it.

I'd dump him. All this on a first date is too much hassle for me.

He needs some coaching on dating etiquette, and you need to have better boundaries WRT men's behaviour. Don't sit around waiting in a bar for a man. Arrange a time, then text to make sure he is there before you go in, a few mins late.

The idiocy of some of the posters on here is absolutely mindblowing. I showed the messages to my 16 year old daughter without comment, and she said "Ted Bundy vibes".

Yeah my 17 year old who is really sensible with stuff like this would probably have said similar! I'll show her later actually and report back!

Thank god some of us are raising young women to have their wits about them with shit like this!

Why are you misrepresenting this? Do you normally blame women for men’s shitty behaviour? OP wasn’t ‘jealous’; she was baffled by this clown’s nonsensical behaviour. As would any self-respecting woman be.

It’s pretty obvious (if there was a female friend) that the guy wanted a threesome. Personally I might not have flagged it up in the texts. But come on.

I'm 100 with you OP, he sounds freaky AF.

You did the right thing, he was definitely fishing for a threesome without a doubt! Anyone who can't see that is obviously very naive!

Nobody has said they think the op was in the wrong for minding about the proposed change of plan and pretending they have said that is disingenuous and frankly makes you look dense.

All are agreed that his treatment of the op was poor, shoddy, disrespectful, thoughtless, disregarding her personal safety concerns etc etc etc.

People think she was in the wrong for her leaping to the threesome conclusion and keeping going on about it. That’s what people think is ott. Not her being annoyed at him changing the plans.

I hope I’ve explained this very simple thing clearly enough for you.

I would not be happy if I was waiting in a bar and he had time to message back but not get his arse over to see me. Agree I'd be suspicious about the female friend and would have blocked him there and then as he's putting her first already and didn't seem to give a flying f about you waiting alone for him!

One word: incel.

OP you remind me of my friend who thought we were proposing a threesome when DH and I offered for her to stay over after she’d been at our house and had drunk quite a bit. Er, no mate, we meant in the spare room.