To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

Reading some of the initial responses and then the contrast with the latest ones above, would suggest to me that you’d hit the Mumsnet Saturday night wine club.

Of course you did the right thing. His messages were definitely a weird front to something else. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about your instinctive actions and trust your gut.

Definitely don’t waste time on him again.

A lot of these people here were born yesterday. Don't listen to them OP. Well done for seeing the bullshit coming your way and batting it right back.
This man organised a date and then suddenly there is someone else in his house that he can't leave so you have to go to his house, that is conveniently 5 mins away from the date location. He didn't tell you any of this until you were at the venue waiting?? So probably more eager to meet as you are already there. How fucking convenient.
Why has this woman turned up at his house with some sort of emergency after 9pm. But he wants you to come and have a good time? Whether its a threesome or some other fucked up situation, you are right to not want any part of it.

I'm with you OP, that would really piss me off!

There's some really naive replies on here. In my experience of OLD I think you were bang on with your conclusion.

Bullet dodged!

He asks you to meet at 10pm?

He asks you to do a 30 minute Uber to get there?

But his place is only 5 minutes away?

He may or may not have a female friend at his (so it's all 'safe')?

He's got the music playing?

You'll all have a drink and a nice evening together?

OF COURSE YOU WERE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE.

'Come into my parlour, said the spider to the fly ..' Lure, entice, convince.

Women have instincts for a reason.

Next time, if you must get strange men off the internet, arrange to meet for morning coffee. Lunch. Afternoon tea. Somewhere halfway. Somewhere there are real people about.

Better, start doing things where you can meet a man and get to know him as an acquaintance, then a friend, first.

This. I’m surprised so many people are naive and believe the story and are calling out OP for over reacting!

Voted YABU by accident op and don’t know how to change it. The naivety on this thread is wild. I really do t think mumsnet is the best place for dating advice op, you dodged a bullet here.

I think you massively overreacted and jumped straight in with weird accusations.

However, I wouldn't be going to anyone's house when I hadn't even met the guy. I would also be deeply unimpressed at being stood up on any date, let alone a first date.

I'd chalk this one up to experience, block him and move on.

Do you suppose that is of comfort to a woman it has happened to? 😡

He sounds flakey but you overreacted.

You were 100% right to not go to him and to leave though.

I also think the fact this ‘friend’ was so upset he didn’t have the heart to ask her to leave yet suddenly she’s up for a good evening of chilling and listening to music with a total stranger (you) does not sound at all believable. Whichever way you look at it something was not authentic.

You massively over-reacted. You made a huge leap assuming he was talking about a threesome.

Yes, he was rude and shouldn't have been late, but you were the one who made it weird.

Kinell. Why on earth did you humour him this long? I'd have bailed the minute he failed to turn up the first time.

Predicable, though, that the legions of 'Mumsnetters' (red pill infiltrators) would pipe up to tell you how unreasonable you were being, and that Woman must always pander to the Whims of Man. Or that you massively overreacted. Always 'massively'. As if that isn't almost always an overstatement.

These threads are getting unbelievable ...

I think you were right op. Maybe he had a previous date that ran over hence arranging to see you at 10pm. I don’t believe for one minute a female ‘friend’ suddenly turned up. Then he obviously didn’t want to get rid of her to meet you.

Yes I would be suspicious of ‘the three of us could have a good night together’ or whatever he said.

Also how weird would it have been to turn up at his house late at night, he’s pissed and he’s got another woman there. If she was even there at all! And then you would be on your own and he tries it on. Naah you did the right thing. I don’t think you would have got any sense out of him anyway.

The more I think of this, the more suspicious I feel. Do you think by offering to book your uber, it was going to be directed to his house, instead of the venue? Then you'd be stuck at his, with unknown people. So weird on so many levels.

I haven't read all the responses but I got the general jist. You can tell most of them have no experience of OLD & very little of men in general.

It was always this man's intention to get you to his house. The female friend probably doesn't exist.

You absolutely did the right thing OP, although I definitely wouldn't have engaged with him for so long before leaving. Hope you're feeling ok this morning. You'll know better next time x

I don’t. It was weird all round.

I didn't think threesome, the red flag for me was suggesting going to his house on your own at 10pm when no one knew where you were. That's how people get murdered.

Very naïve. Please don’t advise your daughters/female friends about OLD.

PPs telling you you overreacted or even (which beggars belief) that you owe this knobhead an apology are 500 shades of batshit bonkers.

At best he was rude and disrespectful, at worst he was a creepy fucker. You are well shot.

I’m in agreement with other posters who say the likelihood is that there was no female friend and he was using that to try to make you feel safe to go to his. Even after he “asked her to leave” (which she did with alarming haste) he was still suggesting you go to his.

you absolutely did the right thing in telling him to fuck the fuck off. I do hope you take on board the advice given up thread on future first dates (daytime coffees within a few weeks). Saturday night 10pm first dates are definite booty call territory.

I would have absolutely lept to the same conclusion about the threesome, but whatever his reasons were, he stood you up for a date and created a very uncomfortable situation. I'm sorry for you because the anticipation of a fun time turned into a weird and awkward situation because of this weirdo. Good riddance, block and never speak again, red flags *10000

I think he was getting it on with this other woman and that’s why he didn’t make it to the bar. Then he thought why not get you involved. It is definitely possible he was thinking threesome.

Time to try burnt haystack dating.

And the posts about early coffee dates, in daylight, with people around, on neutral ground, telling other people where you have gone are correct. Stay safe.

So many gullible people on here - obviously the guy was after a threesome, sleazy a.f. IMO.

Genuine and normal?! How on earth!