To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

The reaction to this is mental. OP you are not being unreasonable and acted very sensibly.

If you'd agreed to go there instead, and there was no friend and it was a lie to get you there for sex, the same posters saying you are unreasonable would be calling you naive for going there!

I think you were right to bail out, it sounded dodgy to me. I’d never go round to a stranger’s house, especially if they had some other person there, god knows what was on his mind. Even if it were all above board it’s ridiculous to think you’d want to go over there and ‘chill’ with him and his random female friend. Even him saying he’s too soft to turn his friend away would have been a turn off for me.

Clearly most of the posters accusing OP of being ‘crazy’, ‘unhinged’ and ‘batshit’ are bog-standard misogynists or men/incels.

But if you are a woman trying to shame OP, have a long, hard think.

I’ve never done OLD, been married nearly 20 years, am pretty much in the dark about a lot of stuff, but even I can see this man was dodgy as hell.

If he didn’t want a threesome (which I think he did), his intentions were even worse.

OP’s only mistake was mentioning her suspicions about the threesome. Of course (if there even was a female friend) the bloke already had those ideas! OP could have just declined and left without voicing her suspicions. But having the suspicions is completely rational based on everything we know about men.

He was rude.
I would have suggested that he asks the friend to leave and that you will wait an extra ten minutes. Also that after you've had a few dates it might be fine to meet his friends but that you think it's too early, you've not met.

Could it be that he wanted to bring the friend on the date because it would then be a more casual date?
Does he sound nervous? His story could have bee perfectly true - but he was still too rude to keep you waiting.

Some of theses responses surprised me. Would people really not mind travelling to a date, only to find him he'd made other plans and expects you go to his house with another random person?

And "major boyfriend trouble". How old are these people? You did the right thing in leaving. He shouldn't have been changing plans when he'd arranged to meet you. It's rude to mess people about like that, especially with a view to dating them. But I think you should have kept the messaging to a minimum instead of going on and on. You lost a bit of dignity going on about " threesomes" and " another woman".

This is a 46 year old man. 46 year old men don't normally have platonic women friends turn up on their door with out prior notice on a Sat night.

We don't even KNOW he's 46.
OP has only had chats and images online.

Honestly, I too am shocked at women here defending HIM!

There are too many creepy things going on.

First, the timing and venue for a 1st date.
Secondly, he was arranging an Uber (never allow a strange man to arrange your transport. That 'Uber' may have never appeared to take you home, later.)
Thirdly, what are the odds of a woman turning up at his house at that time?
And lastly, why didnt he send her packing and see the OP?

For all we know, this could be how he arranges ALL his online dates!

Late at night, in a bar, providing the taxi, calling off at the last minute and saying his date has to go to his house.

Your point isn’t that important to me, but this thread is clearly very important to you so I’ll leave you to it as I cba. Enjoy your Sunday!

Some of theses responses surprised me. Would people really not mind travelling to a date, only to find him he'd made other plans and expects you go to his house with another random person?

Nobody has said they wouldn’t mind this happening. Nobody.

I'm honestly shocked at half the responses on here! Yes he was suggesting a nice evening with op and his lady friend, ON A DATE, of course that means threesome!!! Why the hell was he late?! Who the hell brings another woman to a date?! I wouldn't ever bother talking to him again, let alone meet him. Red flags all over. He stood you up and wanted you to spend the evening with another woman. I'd be mad that I wasted my time and money on a taxi, and been stood up for an hour.

Whatever his motives were he sounds awful.

He didn't have the decency to tell Op that he would be late, or tell his "friend" to go so that he could meet Op.

I think he might have thought that you'd agree because he had managed to convince you to meet him so late & close to his.

You've overreacted. He explained that his friend showed up unexpectedly with troubles. He didn't want to be rude and turn her away. He was suggesting a few drinks together, a more casual date. Nothing about his messages implies that he's after a threesome.

I love when people repeatedly post to tell others just how unimportant the thread is to them. It’s very convincing 😂

Kindly, OP, you sound a bit vulnerable.

He SAYS he's 48 and got kids.

You know NOTHING about this man and if you are close to his age, you need to wise-up.

And even for someone with kids, he should have been able to find time to see you within 8 weeks.

He may not be anything like he said.

I think you jumped to threesome really quickly and argued far too much ..,
BUT - If I’d arranged to meet a guy for a first date and he’d been late I’d have left (without all the arguing). I’d have texted him to say I was leaving as he was late, gone home and blocked him. If he was that interested in meeting me he’d be on time. I don’t tolerate disrespectful behaviour.

You overreacted to his comment about the three of you having a good night, by repeatedly referring to threesomes.

BUT...he should have messaged you to apologise for being late before you had to message him to ask where he was. And I don't understand why he shifted from 'be there in 15 mins' to 'I can tell her to leave if you want'. Or why he had to tell her to leave at all when he was texting his new date who was sitting alone in a bar waiting for him......most girls would have told him to get moving. They wouldn't have wanted to be there playing the spare part, so yes it might have been a trick to get you back to his.

OP I'm sorry. I'm curious to know what your previous experiences have been - I was reading thinking...wait...he didn't say it wasn't a first date. Why did you escalate so fast? Here's a guy - female friend shows up with boyfriend troubles. (Possibly heartbroken) And her mate is about to go out and meet someone he's only spoken to on Bumble. If a close guy friend showed up on my doorstep heartbroken or having relationship problems and i was off to go on a date from an app, I'd struggle to leave my friend.

Why didn't you ask him to bring his friend to the Botanist or somewhere more casual? You went straight to accusations. I mean it was a shit situation but you flew off the handle.

This says what I think.

Weird. Listen to your gut instinct.

You were right

Pretty much this.

He arranges a late date and delays it. He tells you to come to his - there may be a woman there or not - but either way it’s not a date.

could be anything they spike your drink

He’s totally weird.
He bailed and made you wait / he didn’t have good boundaries with his friend.

but he organised the Uber so he knows where you live?? Dodgy and dangerous.

Also the love bombing promising a long term relationship and future before you even met ?!!!

Don’t ever to this again. Meet for a public drink at 8 pm no later annd arrange your own transport home.

If this woman is having problems why the hell would she join him on a date! Weird

m no just no

Repeatedly? I said it once. Hope you’re okay.

Lucky escape for both of you, you are not compatible.

You've overreacted. He explained that his friend showed up unexpectedly with troubles. He didn't want to be rude and turn her away. He was suggesting a few drinks together, a more casual date. Nothing about his messages implies that he's after a threesome.

He didn’t want to be rude and turn a friend away that he didn’t have plans with, but he was happy enough to be rude and leave OP who had travelled 30 mins by Uber to wait around by herself in a bar ?

And then to try change plans at the last minute asking her to put herself in a vulnerable and awkward position by coming around with him and his “female friend”.

Even without the inappropriate invitation to his home , being late for someone you’ve made plans with because someone you didn’t make plans with has turned up with “boyfriend trouble” is unacceptable and rude.

And he didn’t even update her quickly, you see by the texts she had texted him to see why he was late before he told her his “friend” had arrived.

As pp said it’s highly unlikely in this day and age for people to turn up without at least a text. For all this friend knew he could’ve been out or with his kids. Not buying it, if she does even exist she didn’t turn up out the blue.

But they mustn't mind it themselves if they think the OP is in the wrong. Therefore they think his behaviour is completely acceptable. Do you often need simple things explained out to you?

Christ you can tell people have never done online dating if they believe he suddenly had a female show up who was having issues 😂

OP in future don’t chat to someone for 2 months on online dating. Also don’t waste time on a date at 10pm on a Saturday night! All sorts of red flags.

To the people accusing the OP of being a psycho, If you acknowledge that he was in the wrong then how she reacted to him is irrelevant.

The man was a creep. If everyone acknowledges that he was in the wrong and that OP wasn’t wrong for not going on the date, then what does it matter that she accused him of being interested in a threesome?

Why should the OP have to be polite about being stood up and then being asked over to a strange man’s house on a Saturday night?

If she’d told him to just fuck off would that have been ok? Or is only a polite “sorry, maybe another time” ok?

We’re not obliged to treat men who turn out to be creeps with respect or politeness. If he’s created the vibe that he wants OP over for a threesome by stating she could come over for “drinks and a good time” then her response is on him.

OP I would actually report him to the dating app in question over this. Something tells me this isn’t the first time he’s behaved like this.

Also, if he arranged your uber does that mean he has your address? Be careful.

Also I would reverse image search him on google. You never know what you might find.