To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

Wow there are some seriously niave people on here.

@Needtonamechange9 you absolutely did the right thing. I'm not sure a threeseome would have been my go to but it was definitely a red flag situation.

And who in their right fucking mind would go to the house of a bloke they have never met at gone 1030 at night. Are you lot fucking nuts??

There are far too many degenerates on dating apps. I am currently embroiled in a police investigation due to a friend and a tinder date who it turns out is a their, fraudster, serial liar, and currently on bail for stalking offences. Sexual assault and has previous convictions for DV.

You cam never be too careful.

Well done for smelling a rat @Needtonamechange9

He sounds a bit flaky and you sound bonkers.

He's flaky but you massively overreacted. There was nothing in what he said that suggested a threesome! He dodged a bullet.

I think you have totally over-reacted. I would be annoyed, but to accuse him of wanting a threesome when on the face of it he wants to console a friend seems a big assumption.
I think I would have suggested he bring her along to the Botanist, have a few drinks and then go . I'd play it by ear after that.

@Blueink
You should’ve let him know if you were going to leave, rather than ask him to tell her to leave so he could meet you (which he did) knowing you weren’t going to stick around anyway.

Are you male by any chance?
Because, what the fuck?

Wow. Struggling to believe what I’m reading. 😂😂😂

how did yoh go to threesome. And you kept going on about sex. That’s the oddest thing I’ve read in a while. And that’s saying something, and the way you angrily reacted.

bloody hell though op. What ever were you thinking. That was batshit. Sure it wasn’t great he had a friend turn up and tried to support her. But you could easily have said no. The whole do you want a threesome, people only invite others over for sex was utterly batshit.

9:30/10? bloody hell that’s a late date. I’m tucked up in bed by that time. Regardless sometimes people run late, for whatever reason.

Personally I would have text him once to say you were there, then happily given him 20 minutes grace, then gone home rather then creating endless text drama. I think someone up thread correctly noted you’d gone from 0 to 100 in seconds. Do you usually overreact? The trick to acting more rationally is to hold back a little, delay responding, sometimes sleep on intense emotions before responding.

Also, he was right to delay a date for an upset friend, in an emergency. You've been very fixed and adamant he wants a threesome and struggle to consider that he might simply be supporting an upset friend. Yes of course there’s a small possibility that he was trying it on and trying to coordinate a threesome, however non of your interactions over the last few months have indicated threesomes are of interest to him. Maybe she was just a friend in need?

In you’re shoes I’d now say something like ‘apologies for my reaction last night, I was so looking forward to having a drink with you and assumed you were trying to set up a threesome, which would be my idea of hell’

I think it was a massive leap to think he wanted a threesome to be honest, you seem to have overreacted there BUT he is flakey and your gut is telling you this isn’t right so you have dodged a bullet I think. Suggesting you all meet together is weird on a first date but I had that suggested to me once too. I also left!

1. It was odd that you were meeting so late on a first date.
2. It was odd that you were meeting so far from you yet so close to him.
3. He was wrong to suggest that you came to his and should have asked his friend to leave.
4. You massively over-reacted to his situation.
5. You were 100% right not to go to his house.
6. You should have left the bar after 15 minutes and ended it there.

THERE WAS NO FRIEND

He was luring OP to his place.

I wouldn't have gone round no.
But i just would have said:

"I'm not coming to yours. Going home now. Let's just leave it."

You were right not to go back to his

YANBU. People arguing about the likelihood of the 3some is red herring.

It is massively unsafe to meet someone from an app - basically a total stranger - at a private address (where he made an excuse do you would go) rather than in a public space (as originally agreed).

In you’re shoes I’d now say something like ‘apologies for my reaction last night, I was so looking forward to having a drink with you and assumed you were trying to set up a threesome, which would be my idea of hell’

homestly I think she just needs to cringe herself into next year and not contact him again, there is no coming back from those texts, the threesome, the interrogating if he wanted to shag his mate etc.

utterly cringe.

Poor guy. Sorry but where did you pull a threesome from? It sounds like he was helping a friend in need? You come across unhinged, sorry.

You owe him an apology.

Personally I’d have waited 20 minutes then gone home. Tell him I’d arrived via text and where I was sitting but not got into endless text drama.

He just wanted to get you back to his, someone you have never met before. Your only mistake was not immediately telling him to get in the bin after standing you up.
Sorry OP, toss this one back. What a waste of your time he was.

Sorry, where has that been confirmed? I must have missed that….

I'm stunned at the number of people on here saying you overreacted or even more ridiculous that you should get back in touch!

You absolutely did the right thing by ditching the date, and you are right that a normal person with a first date planned would politely send their friend home in enough time not to make them late. Or, if he was genuinely interested, he would have apologised and sent her home and rushed out as soon as you said you weren't okay with the changed plans. He did not do that. Something is up here, and always always trust your instincts.

This is not a keeper, you owe him absolutely nothing including any more of your time. Bullet dodged and move on.

Does it really matter if the OP overreacted?

he:

• left her waiting for him for an hour.
• - was entertaining someone else at the time.
• - thought it appropriate to ask OP over to his house late at night even though they’d never met.

even if he didn’t have a threesome in mind, the OP’s reaction should be a lesson to him just how inappropriate he was being.

oh and my guess is that if there was another woman there, she was probably also on a first date.

Am I the only person who agrees with the OP? OP I think you got it right. He's rude to make you wait, I think he was suggesting something sexual and he's a flaky and disgusting man

Can you please unmatch? This will not go anywhere

Can't believe you sat there for an hour.

As soon as he said about having this other person over I would have left. He's clearly a wet lettuce who can't communicate difficult messages.

all the interrogating is red flags, it doesn’t boad well for a healthy balanced relationship long term.

He should have messaged you the minute his lady friend in distress turned up, he should have called off the date and re booked another date straight away

Asking you to go to his home on a first date, with or without lady in distress, is a no no no no

Your messages sound desperate, way too quick and a bit psycho

I can understand your disappointment and suspicion, but you do come across as bunny on the stove - esque

He, on the other hand, comes across as chill and quite pleasant ....although the whole 'come to my home' line isn't something I would have gone along with

He was clearly after a threesome and Its bloody obvious to anyone who has any online dating experience under their belt.