To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

This.
He kept OP waiting in a public place at 10pm, ignoring all her messages! That's bollocks.

The only issue I have is that the dialogue should have ended with his first response.
For me it would have been, :
"Ok thanks for letting me know. I'll leave you to it" x
Then immediate block.
This was a first date, not a LTR.
Don't give him any more headspace.
He was testing your boundaries 100%.

You found out really quickly he's a disrespectful knobhead.

Nope. YANBU. He’s a creep and I applaud you for leaving. Leave sooner next time. None of this added up.

Those of you who were calling OP “crazy,” you’re a part of the problem.
we also get called crazy when we report violation.

just wise up. Stop standing up for men and start standing up for women instead. She deserves your support, not some strange dude who apparently is sooooooo nice he can ask OP to travel a 1/2 hour each way alone at night and then not only fail to meet her, but put another (possibly not even real) woman’s feelings above hers in importance.

he was already treating you badly, OP, even if he was completely honest in all he said- he was already treating you like you didn’t matter.

anyone who said “aw the poor guy” is probably used to fairly rotten and maybe even abusive relationships. This has been normalized- the woman doing all the work and putting herself at risk, and the man sitting back, asking her to deliver herself like Chinese food!

FUCK THAT.

AND: we should always listen to our alarm bells. It doesn’t MATTER if you were right in your instincts or wrong - what matters is that you are safe.

women have been deeply harmed (myself included) by trying to be polite, not make a fuss, not seem “crazy.”

chiming in to shame her for standing up for herself is appalling!

learn something FFS, and stop perpetuating this culture where women are treated like this, and we’re supposed to say “thank you” for it!

OP, please block him. His very mild reactions, almost sappy and “sweet,” made the hairs on the back of my neck rise. He’s NOT a genuine man, for one thing. Those texts were fake af.

I can't believe people are saying you overreacted.... 100% he was after a threesome!!!!!!

Overactive imagination OP. I can understand why you wouldn’t want to go there but was it necessary to accuse him of wanting a threesome?!

You should’ve let him know if you were going to leave, rather than ask him to tell her to leave so he could meet you (which he did) knowing you weren’t going to stick around anyway.

Fine to leave but the way you handled it was either odd or immature (can’t work out which) and overly dramatic.

Totally totally read as him wanting a threesome too. If not then inappropriate to ask you back to his on a first date without having met first. I think this could have ended badly for loads of reasons so well done OP for asserting yourself.

Oh man, I cringed reading your responses 🙈

(Not gone in the first place due to location, time etc).

Messaged back straight away to say I was leaving and blocked him.

Yeah because that's what most people do when they meet someone for the first time after chatting for 2 months for their first date 🙄

Who plans a first date for 10pm at night when you have to travel 30 mins there and back. This alone seems odd.

And the fact he wanted you to come to his house before you have even met up, just a very big fat no.

Another one who obviously isn’t reading the same texts as a lot of people 😂would you all really be happy to go to a guys house for a first date where he’s got a mate over when you’ve arranged to meet out, just the two of you? Can’t believe so many people would be happy with the proposed change of plans. Wtf!

I’ve read all the OP’s posts, but not the whole thread…. but…. There’s no actual proof there’s another woman with him, is there?

OP could have gone round, by then after 10pm, and he’ve been “oh she’s just left, why don’t you come in.”

This wasn’t a serious or respectful first date.

I did think 10 was an odd time, I assumed it was the morning. 10pm for a first date suggests sex

If it is 10 pm, I'd agree. It gets to midnight, bars close, Ubers are harder to get, and he says "I only live down the road..."

I can’t help but feels it’s a bit of a jump to assume that the presence of another female means he’s trying to initiate a threesome, especially given that he’s never spoken to you about sex before or tried to test your boundaries around it. That said, he disrespected your time, showed he couldn’t prioritise you even on a first date and showed he doesn’t have boundaries with other women. All of that makes it completely justifiable to bin him off at the earliest opportunity and you’ve clearly dodged a bullet. Sorry you had a crap night. I hope you have a nice day today.

Absolutely.

Picked a pub near his house at 10pm at night. C'mon it's as clear as day (or night here) what the intent was.

He was totally unreasonable not to get to the date on time -should have just told his friend he had a date. Don’t know if he was hinting at a threesome or not but either way - it’s a big red flag to leave a woman sitting in a bar that long on her own feeling awkward on a Saturday night.

Don’t worry about it, you did the right thing leaving and his excuse for being late was “off” - he isn’t worth it. If you ever do arrange another date (unlikely) he can travel to you next time and sit in an unfamiliar place feeling awkward & hoping you won’t do to him what he did to you.

You've never met this man before but he engineered a situation to try get you to agree to go to his house alone, the plan was for you to think it's safe because another female was there. He was dodgy as fuck and you did right to follow your instincts.

Did you set out planning to have sex with him?
It was a bit of a leap to think he wanted a threesome because a friend in need had popped over.

I'm feeling a little sorry for Seb.

I will say though, a 10pm meet up!!! I am so glad I was doing my dating in the old days when the pubs shut at 11pm, I couldn't be doing with these late night meet ups.

The ones saying poor guy!!! WTF!!

He absolutely gave off hella weird vibes, sorry but if a guy OR girl friend showed up at my house that time of night on a weekend when i had my kids/was dropping kids off/was getting ready to go on a date with ‘guy trouble’ I’d be quite pissed off.

He was entertaining this ‘friend’ over sticking to his plans with OP, I mean she was sat in a bar waiting for him while he’s drinking with his gal pal ffs.

The threesome issue is a far reach but the language he is using in his texts would plant that seed for me… but maybe I’ve dealt with way more red flags then the utter fucking IDIOTS on here sticking up for the guy and calling OP crazy.

If crazy is being wary and not accepting this sort of behaviour then give me crazy any day!!

Ok- the only thing I think you overreacted on was the threesome accusation, plus you sounded a little persistent in questioning him about this woman.

That aside, he sounds like an utter moron, noone wants to meet up with a first date AND THEIR FRIEND for a first meeting- it's akin to bringing your mum along on the first date. How bloody awkward would that be? Not only have you then got no chance to chat with him alone, you've then got to navigate meeting his friend too. Thats absolutely ludicrous for a first date scenario and way too much pressure.

If it were me, I'd have said "thats fine, you stay with your friend and I am going home as this really isnt for me". Then I would have blocked him. Decent men don't expect you to go to their homes on a first date because they would appreciate how potentially dangerous that could be. This is why although chatting online is fine, its best to meet up (in a public place) fairly quickly to get the measure of someone, otherwise you're just wasting 2 months of your life on someone before realising they're a actually a bit of an idiot.

You were right to go home OP but next time, don't get too emotionally invested before meeting as then you end up being hugely disappointed as you have done now.

Yep. I would have assumed the same as the OP, especially after he'd mentioned the three of them having "a good night". I think I'd pass on any other future dates with this man. 🌹

Jesus I'm glad I'm not alone on this, you sound unhinged, he suggested nothing of the sort and you banged on about a threesome and him shagging his mate. It's wild. If he was my mate and read out those messages, I'd be telling him he dodged a HUGE red bullet.

Yes, he was rude to be late, but the rest is completely on you.

He was wrong for effectively not showing up and trying to arrange something else but your reaction was weird

I agree some of the people saying poor guy are unfamiliar with online dating and all the weirdos & their excuses.

It was a first date! The time people are normally on their best behaviour. Wonder how happy others would be to be left sitting in a bar in an unfamiliar town on a first date? At the very least it shows poor judgment & lack of respect for the person they are supposed to be meeting.

Has MN become even more inundated with MRAs than I thought or are there really this many women who would have fallen for that?