To have left this date.

[Needtonamechange9]

So I'm pretty certain I'm in the right.

I've been talking to this guy on the Bumble app for almost 2 months. Finally pinned down a date we could both meet (tonight).

I spent time getting ready and uberring 30 mins to see him and this is what happens. I'm the grey one.

I'm still in shock and on way home. If you read the rest of the messages from before today this guy seemed SO NORMAL!!!! Has a good job, kids.... WTF!!!!

It's best you didn't meet him as his behavior was massively disrespectful in reneging on very first date - that's all the red flag you need, thanks.

Next time someone shows you who they are by deed, believe them as opposed to wasting your breath on a debate about it.

What his intentions were are irrelevant in the bigger picture. Who cares. I would have told him I was leaving before I left though.

Ohhhh The Botanist is a resturant pub, not gardens. 😁

Blimey you're getting a hard time here OP I assume most of the "you're a flake" posters are incredibly naive and have (luckily) never had to dip their toes into the world of OLD.

He's a creep and a chancer. You luckily had your head screwed on straight, could have ended much worse. Wonder how many times that line has worked for him?

But as previous posters have commented

• never travel further than a date has to travel.
• don't meet so late
• don't text for more than a week before meeting.
• only go for a coffee "date" for the first meet.

I believe you had a lucky escape.

@Forgottenmypasswordagain 😆

I did wonder why some people started talking about gardens!

Well whether genuine or not his texts made perfect sense to me. So not sure why you accused him of sounding drunk on top of everything else.

I just want to point out that nobody on this thread has said OP should have gone to the guy's house. That would be crazy.

An awful lot of people are replying as if this has been widely recommended!

I can’t believe some of the responses on here. It is clear the intention from the start was for you to go to his house. We will never know what his motives were, at best it would have been to try to coerce you into sex. The drinks thing at his house would worry me a lot. Alcohol reduces inhibitions or he could even be intending to drug you. And posters are right, asking for your address is a major major red flag as is everything else.

No you don't get it. I wasn't referring to the OP, I meant the woman who has gone to his house for support from OP's date, who he called "a friend"🙄that's WHY she went there for support because they are f.r.i.e.n.d.s (if she exists) OP jumped to the conclusion he must be about to have sex with her and/or want a threesome and there can't possibly be anything else on his mind. I know he's a guy, but come on...as it happens I do think it's odd she'd be going to him for support over a girlfriend and it's suspicious timing obviously but it's not out of the realm of possibility.

I agree with this. The only caveat is the town nearest to you may not be appropriate if you live in the town or very close as you don’t want to give him a hint of where you live.

I once went out with a very good looking chap with a professional job. He could definitely write proper sentences. In fact, he was a published writer. After making a number of absolutely toe curling revelations on a date, he was on the point of inviting me to group sex with a bunch of middle aged pseudo intellectual swingers in deepest suburbia. I was utterly aghast. So very articulate normal seeming people, even charming seeming people can have some very odd ideas and even odder ideas about what women will go along with.

This was many years ago so I can only imagine it is much worse today with OLD. In any case, standing you up on date without even bothering to contact you with abject apologies is just insane. To be honest I doubt the woman there was just a friend, if she was there at all, and how were you all going to have a jolly time with her crying on his shoulder? In fact, I think he never had the slightest intention of going out and the idea was always to lure you over to his place.

"...the woman who has gone to his house for support'?😂I wasn't referring to the OP, I was telling you to watch your back out there, a random on OLD isn't necessarily telling the truth about anything - especially when they're trying to avoid meeting you in a public place. Maybe the friend was real, maybe she was a he or 2 or 3, who knows?

Block him op

he is in a relationship was hoping he could get out and couldn’t

if you had said you would go round there he would have used another excuse

he knows no woman with any self respect would go round and he knew you would leave the bar and I bet he has done this before

First of all he was late for the date and left you waiting and then wanted you to go to his house which is a big no-no. I think you were right to leave and god knows who could have been at his house so unsafe but jumping to conclusion about a threesome seems bit over the top but you never know, so many weirdo's out there. In future just meet someone for a daytime coffee in a public place as so much safer.

I don’t think you owe him an apology at all. He may or may not have meant threesome but I can see why you made that assumption- a man you’ve never met is sneakily trying to change the arrangements so that you meet him, late at night at his house with another person there and there will be drinking and music so that you can all ‘have a good time’ together. Ok, let’s say he’s not trying to get into a threesome but it’s certainly not a safe environment for you.

On top of that he’s been so unreasonable by waiting for you to arrive before telling you he is running late, then not responding promptly when he knows you’re there waiting alone.

I think you made the right call not to go to his house or to reschedule the date. The only thing you maybe shouldn’t have bothered was to keep asking for explanations, accusing of specific things (whether you’re right about it or not), and just generally keep talking to him the moment he asked you to leave a bar at 10:30 to go to his house!

I was foot out the door once on a date when a friend turned up, tears streaming down her face, mid crisis. (Pointless bloody crisis which stopped me getting my leg over. Im barely over it)
So I get our pals show up at the worst times.

But leaving you waiting an hour was awful. I did let my date know before he left what had happened, had my pal arrived before he left his house I'd have been in such an awful situation but I'd not be able to stand someone up. Maria would have had to have gone our other pals or waited at mine until I got back. But no standing folk up.

I think he was wrong, massively to be so late and I'm glad you never went back to his.

I don't know about the threesome worry but either way, it's done. Just block and move on.

Well quite, and his msgs about he's too soft to say no (especially to women) ugh cringe. He must be one of those "sensitive" types that all his female friends flock to for support 🙄I wouldn't be impressed being stood-up like that at all. It's happened twice to me and one was a girl friend who I hadn't seen for a while, although I can't remember what her excuse was now. I don't think OP should've gone to his house, but maybe it could've been handled better with less accusations of threesomes (!) and it does seem like he did turn up in the end.

After two months of messaging, he finally arranges to meet you and says 10pm to begin with - huge red flag!

I don't think he was necessarily looking for a threesome, but he definitely sounds as though he couldn't be bothered making the effort to come and meet you properly.

He sounds like a waste of space, so block and move on.

I definitely wouldn’t have stuck around that long. I mean, you had plans for 9.30 - if someone shows up unannounced, you tell them you’ve got plans, surely?

I don’t think it’s entirely clear that he wanted a 3some, but it was really rude to have you wait around. On that basis alone I would have left.

Sorry your night ended like this.

Defo odd.

My mind went to threesome aswell 🤦🏻‍♀️ There's something not right with the situation either way, 10pm date and then his female friend just happens to turn up at the same time and he wants you to go to his house when you've never met and spend a first date with someone else. Odd.

Creepy and weird. Even if it was true (unlikely) why would you want to “have fun” with a random lady crying about her boyfriend and a guy you are meeting for this first time. So weird of him to even suggest that. Incredibly disrespectful of him! Good on you for leaving. I hope you blocked him.

My mind wouldn't have thought threesome. It would have thought "this is a trap". I would put money on it that the friend would have 'left' by the time you got to his house.

Can’t believe some of these responses! Of course it was bizarre he was asking you to go meet his friend and ‘have a good night’. I don’t think think you overreacted, only unreasonable part is you waited for him for far too long!

I would never have gone to someone’s house if I’d never met them and deemed them ‘safe’, so no issues there, also I would have left before you did without waiting so long BUT the whole leap to a threesome and insistence he was having sex with the girl there is just weird and unwarranted.

If a man said that I could join him and another woman and "we could have a nice night" I would wonder "is he trying to arrange a threesome?"

And this was after he was already late to the date. People know they're going to be late long before they're late. If it had been his dear old auntie who had shown up in distress, there's still no excuse for not messaging ASAP to apologise for not making it.

And switching up from a first date in a restaurant to inviting her to his home to "have a nice evening" and "chill" is just unacceptable.

She's not over reacting at all.