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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your 'glass next to the dishwasher' moment was?

630 replies

Rosesareradish · 24/02/2024 21:23

Or is it the straw that broke the camels back?

I was working today, so I asked DP to get something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner. He was at home with the children, I was working until 6. At lunch time I text to say I would go to Aldi after work so I'd be late home.

I got home at 7.15, I unloaded the car and he put the shopping away. I went for a wee and said goodnight to the children. I then went in to the living room to ask what was for dinner. Nothing! He didn't get anything out of the freezer, he gave the children soup for tea and he had a nice sausage roll he'd bought.

No thought whatsoever to me eating. My irked face probably gave me away and he suggested I have cereal or cook something I'd just bought from Aldi.

AAAARGH.
AIBU to be so annoyed? I would never have left him without dinner after working. Especially if he then went and did the weekly shop afterwards (which he never does anyway..!)

OP posts:
carelesser · 25/02/2024 11:01

GlassMug · 25/02/2024 10:59

I got married when I was young and dumb to an abusive bastard who used to smack me around, raped me daily and basically controlled me.
My moment came when during my first pregnancy, I was 12 weeks and I woke up in the night to find I was bleeding and in pain.
I woke him up and asked him to call an ambulance.
We didn't have a phone and so it meant going to the phone box a couple of minutes walk away.
He refused.
Then he wouldn't let me go myself until I'd given him a b.j. his words, if you can't fuck it you can suck it.
I eventually managed to call an ambulance, went to the hospital and had the treatment I needed.
I never went home, I left with what I was stood up in and never looked back. Never saw or spoke to him again.
Over forty years later, I still wish he'd die in screaming agony.

Bloody hell, that’s one of the mist awful things I’ve read on here. So glad you never went back. Did he ever try to contact you?

babybons · 25/02/2024 11:04

ExH. He cooked on very rare occasions, only for himself. One day I had gone to walk the dog and when I returned he was feeding himself and the children bacon butties, I asked what was for me "I haven't made you anything"

If there was anything on the kitchen table and he wanted to cook/play lego etc, he would peel the table cloth back and make a mess, then leave it for me.

I made his lunch everyday, he would eat it in his home office, finish and just put the plate on the floor in the hallway.

Pots, plates etc would be left on top of the dishwasher, or he'd open the dishwasher and ask "is this clean?"

The only domestic chore he did was ironing(his own), one day he threw a shirt and me and screamed "there's a mark on this shirt, check every shirt thoroughly when it is washed"

His credit card got cloned, he screamed at me that it was all my fault, I din't even have access to the bill.

I could carry on this list for hours...

It took me ten years to throw him out, but the actual straw that broke me, was him screaming at me that the house wasn't up to his standards and that he deserved better.

32degrees · 25/02/2024 11:07

@babybons congratulations on your divorce!

He sounds horrid.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 25/02/2024 11:08

neilyoungismyhero · 25/02/2024 00:31

It's far too late for me to leave sadly but after 40 odd years of marriage he had a tantrum - one of many - and told me he was sick of me serving up the same old shit every night. I pretty much cook from scratch and his meals are varied...
I'm never getting over that..ever..until my dying breath

I do all the cooking and DH of 45 years once said the steak I’d cooked was tough. I’ve never cooked it for him since. He sometimes wistfully says he fancies a steak so I tell him he knows where the pan is.

AngelinaFibres · 25/02/2024 11:10

My friends husband liked anal sex,especially when she was pregnant. It made her bleed but it was okay, in his eyes, because he wouldn't demand it for a week or so after so she could heal . He got the 16 year old babysitter pregnant and left my friend and her children at center parcs in order to pick the panicking babysitter up from the airport after her weeks holiday in Spain ( her period hadn't arrived so her friend had made her do a test). Dropped babysitter off at her parents, came and got my friend and told her in the car on the way home that she had 2 weeks to convince him to stay or he was off with b s.She told him to go.

betterangels · 25/02/2024 11:15

WimpoleHat · 24/02/2024 21:25

I would never have left him without dinner after working.

I suggest you do exactly that next time. Will make your point very effectively…..

Yes, I would be doing this. He's a selfish twat.

januaryjan · 25/02/2024 11:15

neilyoungismyhero · 25/02/2024 00:31

It's far too late for me to leave sadly but after 40 odd years of marriage he had a tantrum - one of many - and told me he was sick of me serving up the same old shit every night. I pretty much cook from scratch and his meals are varied...
I'm never getting over that..ever..until my dying breath

'never getting over that'

Does that mean you have stopped cooking for him and he now has to cook his own 'shit'?

BreatheAndFocus · 25/02/2024 11:16

Yep, do it to him, then smile sweetly and suggest he has a bowl of cereal.

Soubriquet · 25/02/2024 11:17

My first proper boyfriend asked me to spend the night at his house after college. He lived a couple of hours away from me, so it wasn’t a quick task to get there

I got there, he settled me in his room with a film….and then fucked off to play WoW.

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/02/2024 11:19

“To be fair on this one he didn’t leave the tap running, why was the tap dripping entirely his responsibility, that’s a general household issue”

Agree.

MisMatchUpDown088 · 25/02/2024 11:19

The straw that broke the camels back was when I was having a miscarrige and he still wanted sex with me and got angry at me because I didnt want to

It was 4 years ago and I've just got angry all over again remembering. What an absolute arsehole he was

rubyredknowsitall · 25/02/2024 11:23

Rosesareradish · 24/02/2024 22:27

No. I asked him to get something out of the freezer to defrost so he could do that for dinner.
That was perfectly clear. Unfortunately he didn't (or forgot?) So there was nothing defrosted ready for him to cook - hence feeding the children soup and himself a nice sausage roll.

Show quote history

He didn't forget, he didn't care. FWIW I'm angry at him for you

AngelinaFibres · 25/02/2024 11:24

I had a brief relationship when I was young and doing my teacher training . He was very tall and handsome and very posh. We went to bed and when I turned over there was a horrible smell coming from under the pillow. There was a large handkerchief covered in weird yellowing stains. I asked him what the hell it was. Apparently its a 'wanky hanky'. They all had them at his very expensive boarding school so they didnt get spunk on the sheets. Each week they would add them to the laundry basket on the landing for the housekeeping staff to wash and iron .His name was embroidered on it ,as you do at boarding school, so that it would get back to the right person. Imagine being in the laundry and having that load of washing to deal with every week. We didn't go out for long. He was handsome but a bit of a twat.

FizzyStream · 25/02/2024 11:24

neilyoungismyhero · 25/02/2024 00:31

It's far too late for me to leave sadly but after 40 odd years of marriage he had a tantrum - one of many - and told me he was sick of me serving up the same old shit every night. I pretty much cook from scratch and his meals are varied...
I'm never getting over that..ever..until my dying breath

I'd be tempted to feed him beans on toast for eternity after that comment.

SeemsSoUnfair · 25/02/2024 11:25

PurpleNebula84 · 24/02/2024 21:37

When he left my daughters pissy sheets /bedding to wash his own stuff - put it on a full wash and dry cycle (washer dryer), so 4hrs +. Meaning said pissy bedding would have been left in the bathroom until goodness knows when ... Bedding could have been washed and hung to dry and his stuff done after... I'd been working nights, couldn't have a shower when I got up... Spent the rest of the day in the laundrette.

Edited

Why couldn’t you just take the sheets out of bath and have a shower? Why did you have to spend the day in laundrette instead of just putting them in after his stuff?

Obviously he should have sorted it and you were trying to make it into a point, but performance over reacting rarely resolves issues.

ThePoetsWife · 25/02/2024 11:25

AngelinaFibres · 25/02/2024 11:24

I had a brief relationship when I was young and doing my teacher training . He was very tall and handsome and very posh. We went to bed and when I turned over there was a horrible smell coming from under the pillow. There was a large handkerchief covered in weird yellowing stains. I asked him what the hell it was. Apparently its a 'wanky hanky'. They all had them at his very expensive boarding school so they didnt get spunk on the sheets. Each week they would add them to the laundry basket on the landing for the housekeeping staff to wash and iron .His name was embroidered on it ,as you do at boarding school, so that it would get back to the right person. Imagine being in the laundry and having that load of washing to deal with every week. We didn't go out for long. He was handsome but a bit of a twat.

😳

Horses4 · 25/02/2024 11:28

Started when he wouldn’t take a day off work when I was having an operation under general for persistent ovarian cysts when 13 weeks pregnant. Over the following year I got increasingly fed up of being responsible for everything, and being the bad cop yelling that it was dinner time when he was busy being fun dad. We coparent peacefully now but I ended up finding him repulsive because of his lack of gumption and support.

TheTecknician · 25/02/2024 11:28

These stories are so depressing. I can picture my useless-son-of-a-bitch BIL in many of them. Utter waste of space.

wronginalltherightways · 25/02/2024 11:36

Boomer1964 · 25/02/2024 07:01

So many MNetters leaving their children without a father in their lives over such minor issues. I also note you don't ask if you do something that OH doesn't like?

No, these are final straw moments for relationships amongst grownups.

If the 'father' can no longer be arsed to see their child(ren) after their wife/partner finally has enough of their shitty behaviour for themselves, that just reenforces the point that she was right to end her relationship with him.

Nothing stopping these 'men' from seeing their children, only their own true colours in most cases.

wronginalltherightways · 25/02/2024 11:37

My moment was letting me go to the hospital to a needle biopsy on a lump in my breast with three children while he went home to watch the racing then go to work.

That's shocking and appalling. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope everything turned out ok for you. x

GlassMug · 25/02/2024 11:38

@carelesser No, when I went to the solicitors to start divorce proceedings, the solicitor made an application that he wasn't allowed to know where I was, which was granted.
Never spoken nor seen him from that day to this. I won't even have his name mentioned in front of me.

MzHz · 25/02/2024 11:38

He didn’t EVEN buy you one of those ‘nice sausage rolls’ he bought himself

it shows he just doesn’t think about you at all!

I hope you get past this @Rosesareradish but you do need to launch rockets and tell him EXACTLY just how big he’s blown it

WestendVBroadway · 25/02/2024 11:38

@chimichangaz Can't believe some posters who (deliberately?) misunderstand the thread title.
I can honestly say that I have absolutely no idea what the phrase 'The glass next to the dishwasher' means or implies.

Phobiaphobic · 25/02/2024 11:43

Boomer1964 · 25/02/2024 07:01

So many MNetters leaving their children without a father in their lives over such minor issues. I also note you don't ask if you do something that OH doesn't like?

Profoundly dumb response.

MisMatchUpDown088 · 25/02/2024 11:44

WestendVBroadway · 25/02/2024 11:38

@chimichangaz Can't believe some posters who (deliberately?) misunderstand the thread title.
I can honestly say that I have absolutely no idea what the phrase 'The glass next to the dishwasher' means or implies.

But the OP's next sentence is "Or is it the straw that broke the camels back"

Which explains the glass/dishwasher ( I'd never heard of the glass/dishwasher either )