To ask what your 'glass next to the dishwasher' moment was?

[Rosesareradish]

Or is it the straw that broke the camels back?

I was working today, so I asked DP to get something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner. He was at home with the children, I was working until 6. At lunch time I text to say I would go to Aldi after work so I'd be late home.

I got home at 7.15, I unloaded the car and he put the shopping away. I went for a wee and said goodnight to the children. I then went in to the living room to ask what was for dinner. Nothing! He didn't get anything out of the freezer, he gave the children soup for tea and he had a nice sausage roll he'd bought.

No thought whatsoever to me eating. My irked face probably gave me away and he suggested I have cereal or cook something I'd just bought from Aldi.

AAAARGH.
AIBU to be so annoyed? I would never have left him without dinner after working. Especially if he then went and did the weekly shop afterwards (which he never does anyway..!)

Mine was after giving birth by emergency section to our daughter.. myself the midwife&baby then go into a room for 1 to 1 OBS for an hour or so.... Got back to the ward and he's sat there with a tight mood on that he'd been sat waiting.....he didn't speak to me for the rest of the day! I've just been cut open . Still can't feel my legs & above all given him a healthy child and that's what I got...I deserve much better. We split a year later

What an awful person

Glad you left

His snoring was awful. Deafening. I don’t know how he slept through it. I used to try and gently move him. Get him to lie on his side. But he was a heavy man. I would end up having to try and shake him a bit and say “you’re snoring”. He would often shout “FUCK OFF” at me. The dishwasher glass moment (one of many to be honest) was when he said there was no point waking him as that would mean BOTH of us were awake!! ☹️

So typical, I mean it's not really even the point of the thread. There's areas that will never be overcome and this says it all.

Read the OP!

I work full time but my company is flexible with office/wfh and general work/life balance. He is self-employed with busy/quiet periods depending on the season. We have three kids: 15, 12 and 5.
Yesterday 5 got dropped home from school by my parents who are visiting, I worked 8.30 to 4.30, got 5 some dinner, took him to squirrels at 5.30 and went for a run whilst he was there. Got home at 6.40, OH walked in just after and asked what’s for dinner. I had a look, decided to make something quick with bacon, sausages, pasta and a sauce jar “urgh I don’t want pasta again”. Admittedly we have pasta a couple of times a week, but almost every meal I do, he will make a comment about how he doesn’t fancy that today. It’s not a deal breaker at the moment but the Perimenopause rage does like to dwell on it… (after the meal he will sometimes make a “funny” comment, thanks for dinner it was soooo good)

@beanmumming suggest he takes over the cooking for himself then.

Got into a huge brake checking battle down a long dual carriageway. Was so dangerous I honestly thought we were going to crash, other car was throwing things out of the window at us, then he had to go through a red light as they started to get out of the car. All with our 2 year old in the back.

next day I said I would drive - he threw his coffee cup at me because he didn’t like the fact I wasn’t using cruise control 🤷‍♀️

arguing with him was pointless as it only made him angrier so we had a very tense week for the rest of the trip then when we got home I said I wanted a divorce. He was absolutely blindsided and had no idea what he’d done wrong 😂

Yes indeed @PickAChew .. one of the many reasons he became an ex

@Pixiedust1234

He's just the usual British white entitled male
fixed that for you

It’s too big to fit in our dishwasher and doesn’t wash properly if put in on its side

Another one of mine was..after our 3rd child was born I had pretty bad pnd... He booked a fishing trip to France for shortly after for 9 days with no thought what so ever for me or leaving me with a newborn a 1 year old and a 4 yr old...I begged him to only go for 7 nights rather than 9 ( as I knew asking him not to go was out of the question) I said 'what would you do if I harmed one of the kids? ( Not that I felt for a second I would..but it is heard if..and I was trying to prove my point) his reply was ' well that wouldn't be my fault!'

Scary how many men really don’t care about the welfare of their children.

Why do you think it’s too late for you to leave ? Are you in your 90s?

This.
Next time he works late don’t put him aside a meal!
You shouldn’t have to spell it out to him, surely an adult realises withoit
being told that he and the kids need to eat and he needs to get something and cook it!! Why should you have to be specific and spell out ‘you need to defrost something and then cook it!’

Mumsnets is always so good at reminding me why I’ve remained single!!

Nah YANBU

One of the kids left skid marks on the toilet and he just closed the lid and went upstairs to the other loo. Left it for me to find and clean.

He throws his dirty tissues vaguely towards the bin (which has a lid on.. so not even possible to get it in) and leaves them there for me to pick up.

Whenever the kids leave stuff on our bed he puts it on my side/my bedside table.

I work 3 evenings a week and he never ever wipes the table or vacuums under it when it's his turn to do dinner. He says he's cleared up because he's washed the dishes but I come home ever time to baked beans encrusted onto the table, food on the floor and sauces still out often with lids off (also always feeds them 'oven food' e.g. chips and fish fingers and beans - fine sometimes but I KNOW he can cook healthy meals).

When my daughter lived in halls at uni she shared with 5 males. She was very cross at the state one of them had left the kitchen. She told him to get it cleaned and he later called her to see the result. She asked why he didn't wipe the coffee ring off the table and he said it wasn't his as he didn't drink coffee! I often wonder if he's someone's husband now!

You are not being unreasonable however, as other people have said most men don't think the same way as we do...I do think he probably just thought you'd get something from Aldi. It depends on how often he's like this for me to form a strong opinion.

I split up from my ex Husband for a long, long list of reasons but one of the things he would do to me is that when he was off work (he worked 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off) I would come home from work around 6ish and the house would be in darkness, no dinner made and he would be just lying on the bed upstairs in the spare room ('his room') watching Netflix or on his computer. I would then go on to make both our dinner, he would come down and eat it in 20 mins then go back upstairs and continue doing his own thing. When I became distant from him and started to do my own thing he couldn't understand why, and said I was too old to be going out (i was 41, no children, his choice).
I figured I'd be better off being on my own in my own place rather than being on my own and being a slave to him.

At first I thought this thread would make me feel better about my “moment”, that I’d get a sense of solidarity from other women also living with this type of behaviour but no. I feel ashamed that I still put up with it when so many of you left and moved on. I feel angry that so many men behave in this way and nothing is being done to tackle the root cause of the issue… obviously being left by your partner should be a wake up call but I bet it isn’t. I once dated a guy who told me his ex was a psycho. I imagine all the men who have been discussed here and ultimately dumped, are saying the same thing to their next partner… she’ll say wow, that’s shocking, I can’t believe she left you for that and then two years down the line she’s cleaning up dog shit off the carpet on her birthday… I don’t know how to make things change for the better and this is the most depressing thing of all… at least if I stay with my twat I’m not unleashing him onto some other woman and being branded a psycho. As long as I raise my kids to not accept this kind of behaviour/ behave in this way then surely thats best for everyone.

Mine was on my first Mother’s Day when he didn’t buy me a card, bearing in mind I’d made a big deal out of Father’s Day even though he was always a terrible dad who had barely held our DD for five minutes let alone anything else. When I was upset about not getting a card he laughed at me.

He then proceeded to go to the shop ( I thought stupidly to buy me a card) but returned with a meal deal for himself and nothing for me, there wasn’t any food in the house and I was hungry and breastfeeding. Horrible ‘man’.

I hope you left him while he was away. Or text him on day one of his trip and asked for a divorce! What a dick!

Wow! How can anyone be so self centred and not a thought for a woman who just carried and gave birth to his child ! Although I've been through same

Not long after it was over but he went off the injured man child and told the world I was a control freak and tried to control him... couldn't AV been further from the truth he was never around always either working or his free time was for him some weekends we'd see him for maybe an hour or 2 .. 3 kids 4 and under&I'm expected to shut up and put up! Have house clean..tea on table etc.... which I'm ashamed to say I did for a long while ... When he told his family the 'reason' we split they all believed him and cut me off!

One of mine was when I had excruciating tooth ache at his family's house and was pretty much trapped there in pain for the weekend til I could get home and see my dentist. After a seven hour drive home DH and the kids got out of the car and went in the house while I drove straight to the dentist in desperation to get sorted. Thankfully I did get sorted with an emergency temporary fix and went home, now starving. I went in the house and wrote out a shopping list as there wasn't much in for the kids, or anything I could eat with a gammy mouth. I couldn't speak so just handed the list to DH with an expression of 'please can you go to the shops for these' rather than me going, which I normally do. And he looked at the list and said, "oh, I don't need anything, thanks" and walked away to sit down with his Pot Noodle.