To ask what your 'glass next to the dishwasher' moment was?

[Rosesareradish]

Or is it the straw that broke the camels back?

I was working today, so I asked DP to get something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner. He was at home with the children, I was working until 6. At lunch time I text to say I would go to Aldi after work so I'd be late home.

I got home at 7.15, I unloaded the car and he put the shopping away. I went for a wee and said goodnight to the children. I then went in to the living room to ask what was for dinner. Nothing! He didn't get anything out of the freezer, he gave the children soup for tea and he had a nice sausage roll he'd bought.

No thought whatsoever to me eating. My irked face probably gave me away and he suggested I have cereal or cook something I'd just bought from Aldi.

AAAARGH.
AIBU to be so annoyed? I would never have left him without dinner after working. Especially if he then went and did the weekly shop afterwards (which he never does anyway..!)

Well done you. You did exactly the right thing by the sound of it

I didn't have the strength at the time to deal with the consequences of saying no. Its a long time ago now. He is twice divorced, has 3 children ( 1 aged 15 two who are adults) who have no contact with him. He is in prison . I am happily remarried. A very involved granny of 2 and having a ball.I loved him. Then I hated him. Now I think of him only when I read a thread on here about men just like him. He is nothing to me and his behaviour defines my opinion of him. My opinion of me is that I'm pretty fabulous.

Good grief. Why are you excusing this idle, selfish man?

Gosh the nastiness and pure selfishness of a lot of our now exes.
I married young and we had my DC. I then got my first full time job, but he got pissy about it saying I would still need to cook 24/7 and other nasty jealous things. Work with lovely professional people opened my eyes to how people should be treated and treat others.
After a weekend of him ranting, I quietly decided I would leave. I remember the date. It took me 2.5 years but the relief afterwards.

You must make the move Money isn't everything happiness is You may find like me that you are however financially better off without him

Well personally, I don’t think it’s worth falling out about. Yeah you could be irritated but is it really worth falling out over something that your husband/ other half has done just out of mindlessness or forgetfulness? seriously? Life is way too short

I have many. I was in agony with what I eventually found out to be gall stones and I actually had pancreatitis because of it. He told me I just ‘needed to go to the toilet’ and when to his evening college class leaving me alone with a 3 month old. I had to ring my mum who stayed with my baby and my friend drove me to an and e, when he got home I was in hospital and stayed there for 4 days!

another was when I got home after he had got home from work with a 5 year old and a 1 year old, my 1 year old was being difficult getting out of the car, I had unfastened him but he was arching his back and not letting me pick him out. I was absolutely desperate for the toilet, having been stuck in the car for hours, and ran in and said to him, he was stood right in front of me, I’m just going to the toilet , I’m desperate could you get dc2. When I came back, he was sat down looking at his phone, I said where’s dc2, he said ‘not my problem! You couldn’t be arsed to get him in!’ I ran outside and he was out of the car running around the front garden where anything could have happened to him!!! Still upsets me to this day!

Got home on a Friday afternoon after being away with work all week from the Sunday evening….he didn’t even get off his PlayStation to greet me….that was when I knew.

@Supersares well you're a martyr and foolish then!

Enjoy being both!

Such low standards.... do you know why? Might be worth exploring why you avoid confrontation and falling out when you partner is being unreasonable.

Mine was when I suggested we take out life insurance after the birth of our first child and he said no as he'd be dead so wouldn't care what happened to us! I finally left him and was the best thing ever.

Oh god, this is going to be me one day..... 😬

Yes, I have one just like that. Mine starts a meal while I am out, but then will sit himself down as soon as I appear. He will make a meal for himself quite often, and if I say anything, he will tell me he does not know what I want (he could ask, perhaps?)
But the moment, I think was when he called me lazy for not emptying the dishwasher (I had filled and set it running, then filled emptied and put 2 loads of clothes on to the line, and hoovered the house in that time)

My stbxh did that. I'm a teacher and my school had a two week half term in October where my dc's school only had one. So I had a week off on my own. A lot of the week was to be spent catching with jobs, seeing friends and family, sorting Christmas presents (only time without dc around!) etc, even a date day with then-dh. But there was one day that I had planned to do absolutely nothing! And I told my dh how much I was looking forward to this one day of having just to myself, it was my highlight of the week.
So naturally he decided to surprise me by coming home at 10am so we could spend it together. I was FUMING and I ignored him the whole day, and then he sulked and complained to his friends how unreasonable I was because he had done such a nice thing for me.

But all I could see was that he just didn't listen to me or value my feelings or opinions. It was all about what he wanted and what he thought I should feel.

lol this happened to me on Valentine's Day, 7 months pregnant with our first child. He had been working at home and watching tv since he stopped at 5pm. I got home late (8ish). He'd eaten the remaining bread / milk / basics. First word to me was ' don't worry about my dinner, I've just had a sandwich and some cereal' . Literally nothing left in the house for a very hungry pregnant lady. Not bothered to go to the shops. Nothing for valentines- I'd given him a handmade box of chocolates made by a friend of his that morning. Thought I'm might come home to something???

Wow that’s rather nasty and personal.

If I have low standards, can I ask what expectations you have yourself as I need to work on my confrontation avoidance issues?

What reasonable standards should we expect?

Why did you take a swipe at me in particular??

My ‘moment’ was when I realised that, after 30+ years of indifference and treating me like a maid (and years of me looking at the side of his head, whilst he ignored me, eyes glued to Sky Sports)…… I felt lonelier with him IN the house, then out of it. Divorced him, never looked back. It’s never too late.

@Supersares not you particularly, but victim blaming others because they've got better standards is out of order!

Forgetful or mindless? Or just can't be bothered!

Confrontational avoidance is also described as being a martyr!

How many women have you seen on here , just this thread and doing all that, for what....

You might want to do it, but don't tell others they should do it. They shouldn't!

Of course there's "more to this". It's a thread about what the last straw was, meaning there were many straws before it. What part of that don't you get?

Ha, I had the opposite: 'You're deliberately staying in a low-paid job!'

(It might have been low paid but it didn't stop me leaving him.)

That’s made me feel sick 🤢

Well it's council and his house as well so I didn't fancy antagonising things and him moving back in !

He's moved to Ireland now though so no chance of that anymore

We don’t know the op’s partner so can’t say if he was bothered or not.

We can’t judge other peoples relationships either without full context and hearing both sides of a story.

And calling complete strangers foolish and martyrs based on one single comment is quite frankly rude and confrontation seeking!

I don’t consider that to be a healthy attitude or way to behave. Constructive criticism with a positive attitude is better. You want to try it sometime.

@Supersares we don't know your situation, only what you stated about "it's not worth falling out over, life's too short" said by many a martyr!

I'm commenting on how you've come across.

The poster is saying it was her "glass next to the dishwasher" moment and you're trying your best to tell her she's wrong?

Why? Because you think she doesn't know her own boundaries and mind? That she should put up and shut up?

YNBU. Your partner was extremely selfish. Not really being a "partner" at all. You might wish to ignore his washing for a few weeks? Or just prepare a meal for your children and you?

Did she not notice all the wife’s clothes, things, photos and baby stuff?