To ask what your 'glass next to the dishwasher' moment was?

[Rosesareradish]

Or is it the straw that broke the camels back?

I was working today, so I asked DP to get something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner. He was at home with the children, I was working until 6. At lunch time I text to say I would go to Aldi after work so I'd be late home.

I got home at 7.15, I unloaded the car and he put the shopping away. I went for a wee and said goodnight to the children. I then went in to the living room to ask what was for dinner. Nothing! He didn't get anything out of the freezer, he gave the children soup for tea and he had a nice sausage roll he'd bought.

No thought whatsoever to me eating. My irked face probably gave me away and he suggested I have cereal or cook something I'd just bought from Aldi.

AAAARGH.
AIBU to be so annoyed? I would never have left him without dinner after working. Especially if he then went and did the weekly shop afterwards (which he never does anyway..!)

A friend: she really needed some time alone and he was always a controlling bastard who wanted her to be available to him at all times. She'd taken a few days off work. They'd had a lovely weekend together with their DC and had a day together just the two of him as he was a shift worker so had the day. On the fourth day, she was just settling down to relax at home alone after dropping the DC at school and he walked through the door. Claimed his supervisor had told him he could go home (she thinks he'd asked for the time off). To rub salt into the wound, he was then all hurt and upset, and sulked, because she told him she didn't want him there. That was the final straw - they officially broke up a few weeks later.

I quite often don't consider my DP's dinner when he is working later.
But, this is after years of him being later than he said he would be or coming home via the pub...
I also don't expect dinner made / left for me if I am working late. Happy to eat toast...

@SpeedyDrama congratulations on your escape!
It must be interesting seeing how things pan out for him👀

It’s none of my concern to be honest. If it wasn’t for the kids his life and what we had with each other would have just been a ‘life experience’. As it is, have and am putting a lot of effort into co-parenting so the kids don’t lose out, so do still get too much insight into how he’s not changing at all. In fact, shortly after we split we went on holiday (I have already fully paid for it, big house so separate rooms thankfully). Asked him to dress the children whilst I packed for a day trip (that I’d booked and paid for obviously), even put all the clothes out from the suitcases so literally had to do the bare minimum. Came back to find no coat or shoes on, and the youngest had no socks as ‘I hadn’t taken any out for him’. The suitcases were in the same room he dressed them in. He still did not/does not get why I cannot live with him 🙃.

My x had me make dinner for us after coming out of hospital from having a c-section. Sounds like a one way relationship to me a mummy's boy? Your not being unreasonable - you need to give him a taste of his own medicine or better yet tell him it was unfair and see if he makes an effort next time - if not get your accounts in order and find happiness.

God I hope you divorced him

Grown upS dish-up revenge STONE COLD.
Get some sausage rolls in.
Put in freezer.
Eat what YOU WANT for a week.
......while serving HIM a frozen sausage roll from freezer , on a silver platter.( every night)
Job Done.

When I sat him down for the final time to talk about the £50k of debt we were in, (all in my name barring about £4k in his name)with a plan to get us out of it which would of put us both in a debt management plan. He refused to do it for the debt in his name and I told him I was doing it and leaving him. He patted me on the hand and said "you do what you've got to do" and walked out of the room. Two days later I'd secured a new house for me and my son, a new nursery place for my son and moved out a month later. He was flabergasted that I went ahead with it. 5 years later I'm divorced, happy and debt free, he's up to his eyes in debt and remarried to someone who isn't earning anything.

I could have written this! My camel breaks it’s back almost daily…

Yesterdays was me needing a wee but the downstairs loo was busy to I ran upstairs to use the other one only to find an upturned pooey potty balancing on the toilet bowl. I was desperate so moved it off but some of the poo/ wee dribbled out of the potty as I did, and landed on the floor/ my sock so after I’d been I cleaned this up and changed my socks.

I asked him why he had just left it that way and not cleaned it straight away like I do so that that toilet is always ready for the next person to use it. He ignored me. I asked what if it had been one of the kids who were desperate and then went on to have an accident because they couldn’t access the loo. He told me I was overreacting.

Today’s example is that after I cooked tea last night, I put 2 of the kids to bed and left him and the eldest enjoying the aftermath of the Liverpool win. I then had work to do so I did that upstairs and went to bed.

I woke up this morning to find all the dishes still dirty and just dumped all over the kitchen. I get up at 6am everyday to make packed lunches before I start work at 7am from home. It took me until then to tidy the kitchen so that I could make the lunches, and then had to juggle work at the same time.

You are a legend and I bet your kids think the world of you ❤️

Why do you stay with this loser. Life is too short

@pastypirate thank you ☺️ I'm also a special needs mum, it's been a rough five years at times but overall I'm so much happier without my loser of an ex husband.

I do have another. When we got our first place together he had a screaming fit at me because I’d cleaning and washed the wok but hadn’t oiled it. Apparently that was of vital importance. He yelled all sorts at me, I remember feeling utterly shell shocked and blaming myself.

Around 15 years later, he caught me oiling the wok, and laughed and laughed at me saying what on earth was I doing, you don’t need to do that. When I said yes you told me to, he completely denied it and said I was mistaken and he’d never say that.

That was my light bulb moment that he just wanted to yell at me at times because he could. Gaslighting twat.

It was not long after we split up. I overheard him complaining bitterly that I’d stopped cooking and doing laundry for him (We both worked full time). I took great pleasure in that.

I had a party when we were finally divorced.

Flipping out on me when I asked him to take the trash outside on his way out and the bins are in the driveway. Man had the nerve to say I was putting too much on him when he did zero work in the house. Wouldn't even microwave his own food without complaint.

Everyone is different.

Personally, I wouldn’t bother me. I normally do the family cooking so would be glad of a night off and be happy just to make myself something quick and easy. On the other hand if you don’t do the cooking generally then yeah I will be put out so for me it is yeah you are being a bit reasonable from my personal point of view!

My exH used to get home from work over an hour before me yet wondered why his dinner was not ready. When we agreed to take turns in making dinner, nothing that I made was ever as good as mummy's, so I told him.that he could make his own food as he knows how they should be made. The following week he complained that he had to make his own food and threw into the mix that I purposely earned more than him. I told him that I.had the same job that I had when I met him and thag he could always get himself better qualified. Needless to say, that marriage didn't last very long.

I purposely earned more than him
😂
he believes you should stay in a low paying job for the sake of his ego
😂😂😂
what an eejit!

Why the fuck did you let him in?? He wouldn't have got through my front door

I still remember the time and am still in awe of the stupidity/selfishness, when I had returned home after quite a big abdominal surgery, was home around 2 days when my husband asked me to help him move a chest of drawers. I laughed until I realised he was serious. I said ask DS 14 to help but he thought it would be too heavy for him.....😠

I can well imagine!

You do realise that was rape / sexual assault

It’s not a ‘night off’ if you still have to make yourself dinner. A ‘night off’ cooking for me (as a single parent) is when the kids are at their dad’s and my dinner is cooked to order. The most I have to do is grab a plate and pour myself a glass of wine - if I could Uber that part as well I would.

There’s simply not excusing the OP’s husband (as much as a few here have tried).

I remember shortly after I had dc3 (dc1&2 are mine from a previous relationship) dh told work he had to go part time to help me with the dc. Didn't consult me with this but okay. So he finished at 2pm each day, great. Dc1 had a gymnastics class at 5pm and I thought brilliant, dh can care for dc3 so I don't have to take them all. Dh was fuming when I said I was leaving dc3 with him because he wanted to chill out on his Xbox. I reminded him he'd told his work he had to change his hours to help with the dc so that's what he's going to do. Oh and btw, I think dc3 has just done a poo and needs a nappy change. I then walked out and took dc1&2 to gymnastics. I returned an hour and half later to find dh still on his Xbox and dc3 still in his bouncer still with a dirty nappy I should have left then.

The final straw was when dh blocked me on his social media, completely denied it and tried gaslighting me, but when I wouldn't back down turned it around on me (look up DARVO) and said it was my fault as I had no right to be spying and checking up on him. We had been married for 11.5yrs.
I kicked him out that night. Best. Decision. Ever.

I should have realised at this time with my XH, sadly I went on to spend several more years in the relationship: I had emergency surgery in the middle of the night. He went home and went back to sleep while I was in theatre. When I called him in the morning to let him know how I was, he didn't answer because he was "tired" because of having taken me to hospital at midnight. I left a voice message to say I was OK and he didn't get back to me (by calling the ward) until late that afternoon (this was in the days before mobile phones so no text messages).

The selfish sandwich incident.

About 15 years ago we had a full Saturday, birthday lunch for a relative then on to the pub for engagement drinks for friends.
Got home around 1130pm, both had plenty to drink but not leathered. Last time we had eaten was 2pm plus a bag of crisps at the pub.

I went straight upstairs, bursting for the loo then got changed. Was gone 6/7 minutes. Came down to him eating a sandwich he had made for himself and a cup of coffee.
I asked where mine was and he said he had no idea I wanted one. Full blown wine endured rant followed about how the hell would he know if I wanted a sandwich or a brew because he hasn’t bothered to ask! He just didn’t get it.

Got up early next day and made myself a bacon butty. Didn’t make him one because he didn’t ask.